Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 243 Days and 77168 Haiku later...

Wrap me in the flag
and fuck me for Old Glory!!
USA! Be Best!
Haiku # 68566, October 31, 2020 2:30 am ET
by Betsy Ross' pincushion (cunt) of USA!!
Any live poets
up in this motherfucker?
Or is it just me?
Haiku # 68565, October 31, 2020 2:19 am ET
by Just Me of Up in this motherfucker
Your whole life is just
a near death experience
so get used to it
Haiku # 68564, October 31, 2020 2:14 am ET
by Drunk of Barstool
Young Ivanka Trump
Daddy let me grind on you
Daddy buy me this
Haiku # 68563, October 30, 2020 9:52 pm ET
by Bride Angel of Elektra Complex
Take a dump on Trump.
Drink some Pump(kin) spice Latte.
Forrest Gump's hump clump.

Jennay... here's what love is!
Splat! in her face!
Haiku # 68562, October 30, 2020 9:41 pm ET
by Ivanka wanka Trump hump.
That was a good show
Aunt Esther was a real hoot
Having the Big One?
Haiku # 68561, October 30, 2020 9:30 pm ET
by La-z-boy of Recliner
Haiku # 68560, October 30, 2020 9:26 pm ET
by Hahahahaha of Hahahahahahaha
Chinese communists
Aid and abet Democrats
like Biden and son.
Haiku # 68559, October 30, 2020 8:43 pm ET
by Selling Off of the U.S.A.
Don't bother leaving
a suicide note at all
Let them keep guessing
Haiku # 68558, October 30, 2020 5:11 pm ET
by End of Life Coach of Pep Talk
We won't take your guns
We'll just take all your money
Then you won't need guns
Haiku # 68557, October 30, 2020 2:54 pm ET
by Deep state Jesus
Maximum bullshit
Eating Q crap with a fork
Only four days left
Haiku # 68556, October 30, 2020 2:52 pm ET
by Deep state Jesus
Maximum Psyops:
get ready for the Deep State's
two-party system.
Haiku # 68555, October 30, 2020 1:06 pm ET
by Biden Yer Time to get Trumped
I know it sounds strange
The Barney Miller theme song
makes me want to poop
Haiku # 68554, October 30, 2020 11:30 am ET
by Doo doo doo doo of See ya
reeling in the years
two weeks short of twenty-four
this amazing site
Haiku # 68553, October 30, 2020 6:32 am ET
by ash of persistent contribution
reaming your pumpkin
it's a noble tradition
baby light my fire
Haiku # 68552, October 30, 2020 4:32 am ET
by ash
Butternut squash soup
We can all agree on this
It tastes like vomit
Haiku # 68551, October 30, 2020 3:42 am ET
by Squash Smasher of Where my services are needed
The Mallards migrate
Releasing their dung in flight
Everybody duck
Haiku # 68550, October 30, 2020 3:30 am ET
by Looking up of Shitty Situation
If God didn't want
us to talk about our shit
We'd just have assholes
Haiku # 68549, October 30, 2020 3:24 am ET
by Noticer of Details of Under old willow
All the poems on this site
are written by GOD
Haiku # 68548, October 30, 2020 3:21 am ET
by Noticer of Details of Haiku Central
let's bidet farewell
scatological reviews
are boring as shit
Haiku # 68547, October 30, 2020 2:06 am ET
by ash
Mega Tootsie Roll
Just in time for Halloween
And there's corn in it
Haiku # 68546, October 30, 2020 1:15 am ET
by Advertisement of Paid Advertisement
Fling it: Darth's poo's large.
I want Darth inside of me.
Go! Poo Humongous!
Haiku # 68545, October 30, 2020 1:04 am ET
by Gonna have to chop this one into pieces to get it to flush.
Sing it: Darth in charge
I want Darth in charge of me
Go, Darth Whorrendous!
Haiku # 68544, October 29, 2020 10:37 pm ET
by What's left of me of You can have it
This is what I do.
When I poo, I poo haiku.
Then throw it at you.

And I do this too,
when writing haiku, it's poo!
Hits the fan and flew.

In lieu of the loo,
under the outhouse will do.
Please enjoy the view.

I've often fantasized about having an outhouse with captive enemies chained under the toilet so I could poo on them and read poetry at them simultaneously.
Oprah, Jerry Springer, Britney Spears, Roseanne, Courtney Love, Hulk Hogan, Bruce Lee's promoter, and every politician on the planet... and some policemen, judges, and criminals as well.
When I get to hell, I know that I will be given a job reading my poetry to sinners. So you better behave yourselves!
Haiku # 68543, October 29, 2020 9:54 pm ET
by Demon Cleaner Bad Poetry and Fecal Spray Gun Service
Walter Wallace: thug.
Got himself ventilated
lunging with a knife.
Haiku # 68542, October 29, 2020 8:37 pm ET
by Thug Lives Do Not Matter
Darth be like: "Bathroom".
Bad Haiku all: "Not dat, yo".
Darth say: "Oh yes y'all."
Haiku # 68541, October 29, 2020 7:42 pm ET
by Discrete Pleasure of Ebonics
Forced monkey labor
We don't want to pick
Fucking coconuts
Haiku # 68540, October 29, 2020 3:40 pm ET
by Poop Flinger of At Large
What's the condition
of your condition down there?
Must have been a strain.
Haiku # 68539, October 29, 2020 2:32 pm ET
by Gallant Knight in search of El Dorado of Where the sun don't shine
It happened just now.
I laid a huge golden egg.
Goldschlager clogger.

The toilet won't flush
this oversized ore nugget.
Think I'll melt it down.
Haiku # 68538, October 29, 2020 2:00 pm ET
by Willy Wanka
Haiku poets like
"My wet ass shit" on pussy.
Candy-ass "itch twat".
Haiku # 68537, October 29, 2020 1:36 pm ET
by Wipe front to back, ladies. of Keep it sanitary.
Cardi B. be like:
"My wet-ass pussy" and shit
Candace like: "Bitch, whut?"
Haiku # 68536, October 29, 2020 5:12 am ET
by Highlights of the Dialog between Two Representatives of their Respective Communities
Hasn't happened yet
But each day I check to see
If I laid an egg
Haiku # 68535, October 29, 2020 2:15 am ET
by Mrs. Al Bumen of Here and there
Sea cucumber squirt.
Cool defense mechanism.
Sponge Bob's Silly-String.

Do you think Sponge Bob
ever got it on with Pearl?
Don't tell Mr. Crabs.
Haiku # 68534, October 28, 2020 11:28 pm ET
by Whale of a Tail. of In a pineapple under the sea.
Not sure I like that.
In hell they pay you for spooge.
There's a huge cum lake.

Every bit helps out.
You know you've done your fair share.
Lent a helping hand.
Haiku # 68533, October 28, 2020 11:08 am ET
by Damned and Doomed of Chuck Palahaniuk
I guess you could say
he blew his whole wad right then
Final expenses
Haiku # 68532, October 28, 2020 9:14 am ET
by Noticer of Details of Looking on
Pennies from Heaven
Darth said, " Hey God, keep the change"
and jerked off some more
Haiku # 68531, October 28, 2020 8:52 am ET
by Penny of Heaven
How do you pay up?
Do they bury you with a
billfold full of cash?
Haiku # 68530, October 28, 2020 4:08 am ET
by Gent of Feeding the geese
Do they charge each time?
Or maybe by the sperm cell?
Per spasm or gram?

Cue Monty Python's
Every Sperm is Sacred.
Watch it on YouTube.
Haiku # 68529, October 28, 2020 12:29 am ET
by Darth Dead Parrot of He's not dead!
At the end of life
You get an invoice for all
the times you jerked off
Haiku # 68528, October 28, 2020 12:01 am ET
by Mathematician of Very long division
Zombie circle jerk.
It's the best smell in the world.
Firm soggy biscuits.

Hors d'oeuvres de la mort.
Gordon Ramsay's a zombie!
And fully erect!
Haiku # 68527, October 27, 2020 10:25 pm ET
by I don't mean walking upright.
That is a real zombie-fest.
The dead are shopping.
Haiku # 68526, October 27, 2020 10:15 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet of Po-leese Ventilated Someone
When a zombie cums
Do you think they just explode?
Aren't they all gummed up?
Haiku # 68525, October 27, 2020 9:53 pm ET
by Malodorous O'Rearend of Undisclosed cranberry bog (Ireland)
Television drool.
It's not like it was murder.
They're dead already.
Haiku # 68524, October 27, 2020 9:11 pm ET
by Zombies are slow b/c they are stiff. of har har har.
Cums as no surprise.
Inside a secret toy prize.
Now, dead grandpop, rise.

The good thing about
dead families is now you
can change the channel.

Want some Doritos?
Oh, wait, never mind -- you're dead!
I'll take that beer, thanks.
Haiku # 68523, October 27, 2020 6:55 pm ET
by Zombies with Boners of Ask your local moritician.
October surprise
Pumping the kin full of lead
Legit police tape
Haiku # 68522, October 27, 2020 12:26 pm ET
by I. Readit of In the newspaper
If you have no "eggs",
you have absentee balot.
Lame duck abortion.

Vinegar and salt.
Donald Trump's Cheetos brand douche.
Day-glo tongue in cheek.

The best douch - so fresh.
Not like the other douches.
They're all just fake cheese!

Back-alley surgeon.
Communist planned parenthood.
Coat wire soul kebab.
Haiku # 68521, October 27, 2020 9:51 am ET
by Give me that creamy white brie! of Keep your powdered cheddar.
I am not voting.
Why when others will for me?
They're educated.
Haiku # 68520, October 27, 2020 8:47 am ET
by Electoral college keg party. of Don't forget "roofies", condoms, & lame duck tape. Balot!
Piss thong lacks penis
Gynecological feet
if fists are too small
Haiku # 68519, October 27, 2020 8:41 am ET
by Jack hammer fire hydrant of And still not enough
I smell pork 'round here.
Shave it and burn off its hair.
You look better bald.
Haiku # 68518, October 27, 2020 8:35 am ET
by Pork cracklin' butterfly tattoo of Sow stamp
This thing cracks peanuts
Gynecological feat
It spits them out too
Haiku # 68517, October 27, 2020 8:31 am ET
by Observer of Peelers of Canada
< 50 Less Recent Haiku 50 More Recent Haiku >