Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
26 Years, 324 Days and 76717 Haiku later...

Dear Melania:
Have a wonderful birthday.
Don't believe Fake News.
Haiku # 67419, April 27, 2020 11:57 am ET
by Czech our First Lady out
After the lockdown
if anyone says "Stay safe,"
I will punch their face!
Haiku # 67418, April 27, 2020 12:04 am ET
by dw of Promise!
The coronoa cure.
Jesus and boofing Clorox.
Salvation and safe.
Haiku # 67417, April 26, 2020 8:27 pm ET
by dw of Prescribed by Dr. Donald Trump
So are you asking
if she knew you biblically
Or what, exactly...

Or perhaps you mean
Until she met you she was
Not a Hockey "Mom" (?)
Haiku # 67416, April 26, 2020 5:45 pm ET
by Hockey Mom Support of Downeast
i wonder if i
know a certain hockey mom
that knew me sometime
Haiku # 67415, April 25, 2020 10:28 pm ET
by vhs
i decided to
check my feed to see what new
posts were on
Haiku # 67414, April 25, 2020 9:07 pm ET
by vhs
oh my maine on maine
quite insane, I'm paranoid
so what's new there now?
Haiku # 67413, April 25, 2020 8:58 pm ET
by vhs
I am back again
after being busy with
life outside haiku
Haiku # 67412, April 25, 2020 7:36 am ET
by Oedipa of not the same town as vhs
Stupid President
Wants us to inject Lysol
He was NOT joking
Haiku # 67411, April 25, 2020 6:57 am ET
by Stupid is as stupid does.....
I'm turning into
a redneck according to
certain, um, thingies

(the pronoun usually is "they"
but there is only one of them)
Haiku # 67410, April 24, 2020 2:47 pm ET
by vhs
I smelled the hatpussy
beast on tinder, her hat smells
like her pussy, but worse.
Haiku # 67409, April 24, 2020 2:40 am ET
i saw the pussyhat
beast on twitter, smug face of
a movement constipated
Haiku # 67408, April 23, 2020 7:57 pm ET
by vhs
this is a post modern
haiku which means it's just
the same as the last
Haiku # 67407, April 23, 2020 6:30 pm ET
by vhs
And now, at long last
I write the Final Haiku.
Thus ends the verse form.
Haiku # 67406, April 23, 2020 2:57 pm ET
by After Me, the Deluge of wink wink
boredom means what then
does life suck then you get less
bored, are they boring?
Haiku # 67405, April 23, 2020 2:23 pm ET
by vhs
adrenochrome, soy
soylent green? soyboys? mass
censorship, nothing to see
Haiku # 67404, April 23, 2020 12:56 pm ET
by vhs
What are you saying?
Slim Jim's is made of people?
I did not know that
Haiku # 67403, April 23, 2020 12:00 pm ET
by Professor Poopypants
ironic, i have known
you for years and it is as
i have
Haiku # 67402, April 23, 2020 10:19 am ET
by vhs
i went to bed, and
had an issue on twitter
with someone i should forget
Haiku # 67401, April 23, 2020 10:18 am ET
by vhs
Why aren't you writing?
I need to know your alive.
And not cannibalized by mutant redneck neighbors kind of like in The Hill Have Eyes.

2000 ppl per day... Christ have mercy.
That's a lot of Slim Jim extra spicy sausage stix.
Haiku # 67400, April 23, 2020 3:51 am ET
by dw of Anyone care for a bit of Soylent Green. Don't ask how, but I got some extra rations this week.
King Tut's butt
and the sphinx's sphincter
split open by Isis's strap-on.

Isis being the goddess,
Not the terrorist organization.
Hmmm.... However...
Haiku # 67399, April 23, 2020 3:46 am ET
by dw of I stopped counting... oooooo what a rebel I am!
Mars is beautiful.
That's because no one lives there.
And no one dies there.
Haiku # 67398, April 23, 2020 3:44 am ET
by dw of Hey look! A rock!
It's an ugly world.
I could have done much better.
Can we impeach God?
Haiku # 67397, April 23, 2020 3:07 am ET
by dw of I'm serious!
mood swings back and forth
madness of crowds go home now
ran out of witches
Haiku # 67396, April 22, 2020 2:21 pm ET
by vhs
Darth went to Egypt
to see all the ancient sights.
He saw the Sphincter.
Haiku # 67395, April 22, 2020 10:57 am ET
by Hanging Out of Egypt
The preacher told them
Ignore science, come to church
Now....preacher is dead
Haiku # 67394, April 22, 2020 6:49 am ET
by This really happened of Karma is a bitch
Nanny-state told them:
"Virus! Be scared and helpless"
Like sheep, they obeyed.
Haiku # 67393, April 22, 2020 3:48 am ET
by Nanny Nanny Boo-Boo of Abusive Mother
Lockdown Diary:
Day number ... 50? 60?
I haven't a clue
Haiku # 67392, April 21, 2020 8:36 pm ET
by Getting tired of being stuck indoors
My Dick was so big
That they tried to impeach him.
But then he resigned.
Haiku # 67391, April 21, 2020 3:09 pm ET
by Pat Nixon of 1970's
my dick is small so
since i dont care about that leme tell you how small
Haiku # 67390, April 21, 2020 1:18 pm ET
by vhs
When your dick is small:
"My yacht's bigger than your yacht."
Always gotta prove.

You know you're old when
your sphincter hangs down below
the tip of your cock.

Can't you just smell it.
Close your eyes and imagine.
Psychic scent transfered.
Haiku # 67389, April 21, 2020 1:27 am ET
by dw of geriatric physician's office.
how about i sink
your yacht, wwg1wga
enemy combatant
Haiku # 67388, April 20, 2020 10:49 pm ET
by vhs
Hey, I like your style...
Fancy a trip on my yacht?
Feed you to the sharks
Haiku # 67387, April 20, 2020 10:41 pm ET
by Operations Manager of Scandinavia
Waiting for the worms.
That is how I feel right now.
Covid will kill me.

How's irrelevant.
By pneumonia or boredom.
Which one will be worse?
Haiku # 67386, April 20, 2020 8:53 pm ET
by Darth Whorrendous, The Dork Lard of the Fifth of Rum of Going to find a whore today. Going to fuck her 3 hours straight. I hope she has a bad cough.
listen if you shag
a tree or a apple pie
splinters or burn...

And i thought it was creepy
of the guy in American Beauty
Haiku # 67385, April 20, 2020 3:02 pm ET
by vhs
well i don't know why
people make a big deal on
bills but they're just there
Haiku # 67384, April 20, 2020 12:07 pm ET
by vhs of hillarys bill wasn't that big :).
Tiny fucked a stump.
You don't know who Tiny is?
Well aren't you special.
Haiku # 67383, April 20, 2020 8:44 am ET
by dw
You can't cure stupid
And you can't quarantine it
God bless 'merica
Haiku # 67382, April 19, 2020 11:15 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
I know my poultry.
There ain't no chicken in hell
will cluck otherwise.
Haiku # 67381, April 19, 2020 12:04 pm ET
by Poultry-Based Market Optimization
You know your poultry
'Cause yo brain is chicken shit
Step off there Chester
Haiku # 67380, April 19, 2020 8:18 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
It's all about ME
inventing endless genders.
How DARE you. For shame.
Haiku # 67379, April 19, 2020 7:07 am ET
by Fat Sullen Pale Short Haired Purple Thing With Glasses and a Lawyer from ACLU
Romance languages
Have masculine/feminine
Grammar. They must go.
Haiku # 67378, April 19, 2020 7:01 am ET
by Genderfluidity Must Be Promoted At Grammar School At
All poultry has rights.
Chicken Lives Matter: RISE UP!
Stop laying their eggs.
Haiku # 67377, April 19, 2020 6:56 am ET
by Poultry Activism of Woke Haiku
My preferred pronoun:
(Use it or I press charges)
Haiku # 67376, April 19, 2020 6:50 am ET
by Barnyard Bullying of Genderfluid Fox in Henhouse
Granny has a cock:
What pronoun must we use when
Grandpa has a hen?
Haiku # 67375, April 19, 2020 6:44 am ET
by Poetic Poultry of Tyson Money-Laundering
at least it's not meth
perhaps a new haiku meme
grandma has a cock
Haiku # 67374, April 19, 2020 5:18 am ET
by ash
My contribution.
My undying legacy.
"At least it's not meth."
Haiku # 67373, April 19, 2020 12:36 am ET
by dw
try fecal transplants
i promise you, it's the shit!
(at least it's not meth)
Haiku # 67372, April 18, 2020 10:18 pm ET
by scotch of scatology
marketing slogan:
tired of the same old shit?
try fecal transplants!
Haiku # 67371, April 18, 2020 9:24 pm ET
by scotch of but maintain social distancing
So you think I should
get a fecal transplant to
fix my excrement.

Please be the donor.
I want feces just like yours.
Your shit doesnt' stink.
Haiku # 67370, April 18, 2020 5:41 pm ET
by Darth Whorrendouns, Dork Lard of the Fifth (of Rum) of Hell's got nothing on where I am now.
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