Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years, 183 Days and 70643 Haikus later...

this is a post modern
haiku which means it's just
the same as the last
Haiku # 67407, April 23, 2020 6:30 pm ET
by vhs
And now, at long last
I write the Final Haiku.
Thus ends the verse form.
Haiku # 67406, April 23, 2020 2:57 pm ET
by After Me, the Deluge of wink wink
boredom means what then
does life suck then you get less
bored, are they boring?
Haiku # 67405, April 23, 2020 2:23 pm ET
by vhs
adrenochrome, soy
soylent green? soyboys? mass
censorship, nothing to see
Haiku # 67404, April 23, 2020 12:56 pm ET
by vhs
What are you saying?
Slim Jim's is made of people?
I did not know that
Haiku # 67403, April 23, 2020 12:00 pm ET
by Professor Poopypants
ironic, i have known
you for years and it is as
i have foreseen...wow
Haiku # 67402, April 23, 2020 10:19 am ET
by vhs
i went to bed, and
had an issue on twitter
with someone i should forget
Haiku # 67401, April 23, 2020 10:18 am ET
by vhs
Why aren't you writing?
I need to know your alive.
And not cannibalized by mutant redneck neighbors kind of like in The Hill Have Eyes.

2000 ppl per day... Christ have mercy.
That's a lot of Slim Jim extra spicy sausage stix.
Haiku # 67400, April 23, 2020 3:51 am ET
by dw of Anyone care for a bit of Soylent Green. Don't ask how, but I got some extra rations this week.
King Tut's butt
and the sphinx's sphincter
split open by Isis's strap-on.

Isis being the goddess,
Not the terrorist organization.
Hmmm.... However...
Haiku # 67399, April 23, 2020 3:46 am ET
by dw of I stopped counting... oooooo what a rebel I am!
Mars is beautiful.
That's because no one lives there.
And no one dies there.
Haiku # 67398, April 23, 2020 3:44 am ET
by dw of Hey look! A rock!
It's an ugly world.
I could have done much better.
Can we impeach God?
Haiku # 67397, April 23, 2020 3:07 am ET
by dw of I'm serious!
mood swings back and forth
madness of crowds go home now
ran out of witches
Haiku # 67396, April 22, 2020 2:21 pm ET
by vhs
Darth went to Egypt
to see all the ancient sights.
He saw the Sphincter.
Haiku # 67395, April 22, 2020 10:57 am ET
by Hanging Out of Egypt
The preacher told them
Ignore science, come to church
Now....preacher is dead
Haiku # 67394, April 22, 2020 6:49 am ET
by This really happened of Karma is a bitch
Nanny-state told them:
"Virus! Be scared and helpless"
Like sheep, they obeyed.
Haiku # 67393, April 22, 2020 3:48 am ET
by Nanny Nanny Boo-Boo of Abusive Mother
Lockdown Diary:
Day number ... 50? 60?
I haven't a clue
Haiku # 67392, April 21, 2020 8:36 pm ET
by Getting tired of being stuck indoors
My Dick was so big
That they tried to impeach him.
But then he resigned.
Haiku # 67391, April 21, 2020 3:09 pm ET
by Pat Nixon of 1970's
my dick is small so
since i dont care about that leme tell you how small
Haiku # 67390, April 21, 2020 1:18 pm ET
by vhs
When your dick is small:
"My yacht's bigger than your yacht."
Always gotta prove.

You know you're old when
your sphincter hangs down below
the tip of your cock.

Can't you just smell it.
Close your eyes and imagine.
Psychic scent transfered.
Haiku # 67389, April 21, 2020 1:27 am ET
by dw of geriatric physician's office.
how about i sink
your yacht, wwg1wga
enemy combatant
Haiku # 67388, April 20, 2020 10:49 pm ET
by vhs
Hey, I like your style...
Fancy a trip on my yacht?
Feed you to the sharks
Haiku # 67387, April 20, 2020 10:41 pm ET
by Operations Manager of Scandinavia
Waiting for the worms.
That is how I feel right now.
Covid will kill me.

How's irrelevant.
By pneumonia or boredom.
Which one will be worse?
Haiku # 67386, April 20, 2020 8:53 pm ET
by Darth Whorrendous, The Dork Lard of the Fifth of Rum of Going to find a whore today. Going to fuck her 3 hours straight. I hope she has a bad cough.
listen if you shag
a tree or a apple pie
splinters or burn...

And i thought it was creepy
of the guy in American Beauty
Haiku # 67385, April 20, 2020 3:02 pm ET
by vhs
well i don't know why
people make a big deal on
bills but they're just there
Haiku # 67384, April 20, 2020 12:07 pm ET
by vhs of hillarys bill wasn't that big :).
Tiny fucked a stump.
You don't know who Tiny is?
Well aren't you special.
Haiku # 67383, April 20, 2020 8:44 am ET
by dw
You can't cure stupid
And you can't quarantine it
God bless 'merica
Haiku # 67382, April 19, 2020 11:15 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
I know my poultry.
There ain't no chicken in hell
will cluck otherwise.
Haiku # 67381, April 19, 2020 12:04 pm ET
by Poultry-Based Market Optimization
You know your poultry
'Cause yo brain is chicken shit
Step off there Chester
Haiku # 67380, April 19, 2020 8:18 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
It's all about ME
inventing endless genders.
How DARE you. For shame.
Haiku # 67379, April 19, 2020 7:07 am ET
by Fat Sullen Pale Short Haired Purple Thing With Glasses and a Lawyer from ACLU
Romance languages
Have masculine/feminine
Grammar. They must go.
Haiku # 67378, April 19, 2020 7:01 am ET
by Genderfluidity Must Be Promoted At Grammar School At
All poultry has rights.
Chicken Lives Matter: RISE UP!
Stop laying their eggs.
Haiku # 67377, April 19, 2020 6:56 am ET
by Poultry Activism of Woke Haiku
My preferred pronoun:
(Use it or I press charges)
"Cluck-cluck-cluck-ba-KACK"
Haiku # 67376, April 19, 2020 6:50 am ET
by Barnyard Bullying of Genderfluid Fox in Henhouse
Granny has a cock:
What pronoun must we use when
Grandpa has a hen?
Haiku # 67375, April 19, 2020 6:44 am ET
by Poetic Poultry of Tyson Money-Laundering
at least it's not meth
perhaps a new haiku meme
grandma has a cock
Haiku # 67374, April 19, 2020 5:18 am ET
by ash
My contribution.
My undying legacy.
"At least it's not meth."
Haiku # 67373, April 19, 2020 12:36 am ET
by dw
try fecal transplants
i promise you, it's the shit!
(at least it's not meth)
Haiku # 67372, April 18, 2020 10:18 pm ET
by scotch of scatology
marketing slogan:
tired of the same old shit?
try fecal transplants!
Haiku # 67371, April 18, 2020 9:24 pm ET
by scotch of but maintain social distancing
So you think I should
get a fecal transplant to
fix my excrement.

Please be the donor.
I want feces just like yours.
Your shit doesnt' stink.
Haiku # 67370, April 18, 2020 5:41 pm ET
by Darth Whorrendouns, Dork Lard of the Fifth (of Rum) of Hell's got nothing on where I am now.
that's ok...sometimes we
need the Darwin Awards for
the human lemmings
Haiku # 67369, April 18, 2020 5:36 pm ET
by vhs
Corona thanks to
Chinese Communist Party...
But lemmings don't know.
Haiku # 67368, April 18, 2020 5:22 pm ET
by A World of Dead Lemmings
One World of Haiku:
Let us all sing Kumbaya
and hate on Donald.
Haiku # 67367, April 18, 2020 5:08 pm ET
by Virtue-Signalers of Burning Hell
A new haiku born:
Dork Lard is mentally ill
(Excrementally)
Haiku # 67366, April 18, 2020 4:58 pm ET
by Evaluation of Excremental Health
i am attempting
to get people to come here and
post some haikus.
Haiku # 67365, April 18, 2020 3:50 pm ET
by vhs
oh darkwing duck let's
get dangerous, suck gas you
evil doers, poit!
Haiku # 67364, April 18, 2020 3:32 pm ET
by vhs of better watch out you bad boys
New name. Let me guess:
It is now "Darth Whorrendous"
Did I get it right?
Haiku # 67363, April 18, 2020 7:37 am ET
by Divine Workshop of Dirty Water
I don't write every poem on here, you know... I didn't say anything about quitting. Hang on until the end, old friend.

And I'm not a figpucker any more, so it's dw.

Separated!... Which makes me think maybe there is a God that cares. In some weird, twisted way. ;-)

Given the way this last year has turned out, I am 100% convinced that God has a FAR more warped sense of humor than I do. You win, God! You hear me! You beat me hand down! I cannot even imagine shit like that! You are the Master!
Haiku # 67362, April 18, 2020 1:29 am ET
by dw
It's a cross between
the Sand People and Jawas.
You're a Star Wars fan!
Haiku # 67361, April 18, 2020 1:20 am ET
by Darth Whorrendous, Dork Lard of the Fifth (of Rum) of Let's BBQ some Sand Jawas. Juicy and nutritious!
Those SJWS:
REND THEIR FOUL LIMBS ASUNDER.
Burn their Maoist texts.
Haiku # 67359, April 18, 2020 12:42 am ET
by But Love Them as Yourself of course . . .
i wish i could quit
df, but i seek revenge
on those sjws
Haiku # 67358, April 18, 2020 12:20 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Oh ye heavens! Lord
Have mercy upon this land
For such bad poems.
Haiku # 67357, April 17, 2020 11:48 pm ET
by Current Crisis of Poetry
< 50 Less Recent Haiku 50 More Recent Haiku >