BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years
17 Days
and
68953 Haikus
later...
My step mother used to make the best fucking lasagna in the universe and I don't care if this is a haiku or not so suck my tiny little stinky balls until they smell like your mouth wash.
Haiku #67075, by of of of
March 15, 2020 2:56 am ET

You cannot stop it.
Inevitability.
Now go fuck some whores.
Haiku #67074, by Viruses are awesome! of But not lethal enough. We need a nuclear war.
March 15, 2020 2:54 am ET

I want the virus.
Lick escalator hand rails.
Thrown out of the mall.

But do not worry.
When I catch it, I will share.
Sharing is caring.
Haiku #67073, by of of of of of
March 15, 2020 2:51 am ET

A celebration;
The plague's acceleration:
Our coronation!
Haiku #67072, by Crown us with Many Crowns
March 13, 2020 9:33 am ET

Get ready for it
The Corona Holiday
Three weeks of paid leave
Haiku #67071, by Jesus is lard
March 13, 2020 7:20 am ET

Gray green aliens
spread their legs for your dollars.
Some mighty strange strange.

Sex with aliens.
There's no chance of STDs.
Incompatible.
Haiku #67070, by Warp 6, Mr. Sulu!
March 12, 2020 11:11 pm ET

It is better to
doodle your noodle than to
diddle your poodle.
Haiku #67069, by You know you miss me!
March 12, 2020 11:06 pm ET

not a lumberjack
i really don't sleep all night
does this look like work?
Haiku #67068, by scotch of full disclosure in untied states of insomnia
March 12, 2020 12:20 pm ET

i'm a lumberjack
and I'm OK, sleep all night
and i work all day


I sleep all night and I work all day
Haiku #67067, by scotch of everyone sing
March 12, 2020 11:45 am ET

I am a man's man.
I go four-wheelin' and shoot.
Now, where's my handbag?
Haiku #67066, by Big )l' Redneck in High Heels
March 12, 2020 8:17 am ET

God does not love you.
That's because you're a poet.
Now go be a man!
Haiku #67065, by Miyamoto Musashi and his 8 mistresses.
March 12, 2020 1:58 am ET

Joseph ate pussy.
Jesus loved some vagina.
They think it's holy.
Haiku #67064, by Wholly holy holes. of Holly folly trolly. Ding ding sings the bell.
March 12, 2020 1:55 am ET

Hippopotamus.
Scissor-tail fly catcher.
Duck-billed platypus.

Proof that God exists.
If you say no, then fuck you...
and your pachyderm.
Haiku #67063, by of of of
March 12, 2020 1:51 am ET

Kim Kardashian's
enormous rancid cooter
for next president.
Haiku #67062, by KK's Kunt 2020
March 12, 2020 1:32 am ET

Corona event:
Solar ejection from crown
The seventh seal loosed
Haiku #67061, by Jest a Lil' Old Studint of Eschatology
March 11, 2020 9:49 pm ET

the GOP are
*disaster* capitalists
dems are regular
Haiku #67060, by scotch of untied states of taking off ideological blinders
March 11, 2020 1:59 pm ET

dems are no commies
they are backed by billionaires
bernie's centrist-left
Haiku #67059, by scotch of bring back FDR
March 11, 2020 1:51 pm ET

if he's put back in
i'll suffer with the planet
and write bad haiku
Haiku #67058, by scotch of you don't know me
March 11, 2020 1:22 pm ET

real hate crimes go up
wherever trump holds rallies
and bernie scares you?

https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2019/03/22/trumps-rhetoric-does-inspire-more-hate-crimes/
Haiku #67057, by scotch of untied states of projection
March 11, 2020 1:19 pm ET

https://pjmedia.com/trending/schumers-scotus-threats-should-place-him-on-red-flag-list-gun-rights-leader-says/

When Bernies threaten
To burn cities down and kill
Is that common talk?

Americans are now wise
To leftist do as I say
Jive turkey talk

Four more years baby
You will cry hellish loud
And get violent.
Haiku #67056, by Wong Lofan of Kalifornia
March 11, 2020 12:57 pm ET

it's a common phrase
"bring a gun to a knife fight"
trump said "take her out"
Haiku #67055, by scotch of untied states of people playing dumb, or actually being dumb, while fascism takes hold
March 11, 2020 12:46 pm ET

Communist are worse
Than National Socialists
Then killed millions more
Haiku #67054, by Wong Lofan of Kalifornia
March 11, 2020 12:43 pm ET

When Obama said
Bring a gun to a knife fight
Did you cry?

Good for goose gander.
The Democrat jive turkeys
Need to use a mirror
Haiku #67053, by Wong Lofan of Kalifornia
March 11, 2020 12:35 pm ET

Get rid of Chicom's!
Disengage from biz with them!
Dangerous not to!
Haiku #67052, by Wong Lofan of Kalifornia
March 11, 2020 12:32 pm ET

when giuliani
said trump could shoot james comey
did you give one shit?
Haiku #67051, by scotch of untied states of hypocrisy
March 11, 2020 12:31 pm ET

when the donald said
maybe gun nuts could stop Hil
were you outraged? no
Haiku #67050, by scotch of untied states of hypocrisy
March 11, 2020 12:29 pm ET

The Wuhan Virus
Communist party fook up!
How you like Mao now?
Haiku #67049, by Wong Lofan of Kalifornia
March 11, 2020 12:17 pm ET

Chucky Shumer-dolt
Threats to the supreme's yak yak!
Chucky got red flagged

Take Chucky's guns
He don't have none? wat the hell?
His goon squad does though

Typical jive @$$
Communist Democrat dolt
Use a mirror fool
Haiku #67048, by Wong Lofan of Kalifornia
March 11, 2020 12:14 pm ET

rubber hits the road
rubber leaf blight hits rubber
and then we are done

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt9617858/
Haiku #67047, by scotch of forget coronavirus
March 10, 2020 12:38 pm ET

Triangle I am
But four sided is my mind
Shapely eccentric
Haiku #67046, by Pythagoras-on-Acidas of Lesbian Island
March 10, 2020 8:40 am ET

That's IT! You are right.
GOP are not right-wing...
Mostly globalists.
Haiku #67045, by Early Hint of Spring
March 10, 2020 8:22 am ET

if they're not right wing,
neither is the GOP.
fox is their channel
Haiku #67044, by scotch of according to the FBI
March 9, 2020 3:51 pm ET

Fox is not Right-wing
Fox is corporate money;
Lip gloss. No values.
Haiku #67043, by Hen House of Fox
March 9, 2020 3:46 pm ET

picture their love-child:
roger ailes and dick nixon.
it's sean hannity
Haiku #67042, by scotch of https://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/blogpost/post/richard-nixon-and-roger-ailes-1970s-plan-to-put-the-gop-on-tv/2011/07/01/AG1W
March 9, 2020 1:28 pm ET

as it was designed,
"Fox News" works for the party.
GOP TV
Haiku #67041, by scotch of https://www.rawstory.com/2020/03/fox-news-sean-hannity-tailored-his-shows-to-trump-campaigns-suggestions-in-2016-fbi-documents/
March 9, 2020 1:25 pm ET

He entertained us.
Why would I care if he's gay?
He entered anus.
Haiku #67040, by of of of robot robot robot
March 9, 2020 1:38 am ET

They don't look like shit...
Those chicks are true goddesses.
(They're just a bit used).
Haiku #67039, by Subversion of the Pornocracy
March 8, 2020 10:02 pm ET

You know what sucks ass?
Getting past a relationship with a girl who you were absolutely crazy about and then for bad reasons you both had to end it... but then after some time you try to jack off to porn, but can't because those chicks just look like shit.
That truly sucks ass!

Complain if you want.
A long seven syllables.
Ask me if I care!
Haiku #67038, by of of of
March 8, 2020 8:08 am ET

oh hi ash, how's your
sex life? nice doggie! lisa!!!
you are tearing me apart!!!!
Haiku #67037, by Tommy VHSeau
March 7, 2020 1:56 pm ET

here's a thing they say:
good is enemy of great.
bad yells "fight", takes bets
Haiku #67036, by scotch of modern politics explained
March 7, 2020 2:05 am ET

Only one true god
Macho Man Randy Savage
Cream always rises
Haiku #67035, by Killdozer of CO
March 6, 2020 1:47 pm ET

def not a haiku
perhaps put it to music
could be viral hit
Haiku #67034, by scotch of play free bird
March 6, 2020 1:06 pm ET

i'm not scared of bugs
if the whiskey don't kill me
i'll live 'till i die
Haiku #67033, by scotch of immortality, at least so far
March 6, 2020 12:17 pm ET

not a haiku, but hey, topical as all bejesus :

Late in the year of 2019
a novel virus hit the scene
and though the birth was a little bit hazy
just a few months later the world's gone batshit crazy

we've been waiting, just waiting, it seems
for apocalyptic times

see the people panic buying
watch them freak at their chance of dying
surely the media isn't lying

as news of the spread goes viral

our crisis is no longer existential
it's here and now and pestilential
watch anxiety go exponential

as the stories start to spiral

like coronavirus r.n.a.

it seems that stuff is here to stay
gonna all get some so they say
before the whole thing goes away

that's a dreadful worry

but if you're not old
or sick
or have other complications

you probably won't die
at least from it
in any hurry

but sorry to confirm, something will eventually kill you regardless
Haiku #67032, by ash
March 6, 2020 4:36 am ET

BDSM is
A great way to explore my
Anal cavity
Haiku #67031, by Boners in butts of 2020
March 6, 2020 3:56 am ET

drunk decisions are
Leading to pregnancies but
Just gunna send it
Haiku #67030, by Burrito boy of Mars
March 6, 2020 3:53 am ET

when there is no line
There is something that distracts
And that wins us all
Haiku #67029, by tittys donâ of San Diego
March 6, 2020 3:52 am ET

Well... somebody's got
Some extremely serious
Mommy-love issues
Haiku #67028, by Backing Away Slowly of Bad Haiku
March 5, 2020 11:08 pm ET

I need Hillary
Mothering, smothering me
Globally sweaty
Haiku #67027, by Traveler of AR
March 5, 2020 9:27 pm ET

I'd fuck Hillary.
Just to say been there done that.
Banged a first lady.

And if she were Pres.,
then I'd fuck Slick Willy too.
Maybe a three-way!
Haiku #67026, by of of of
March 5, 2020 8:08 pm ET