Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 136 Days and 76969 Haiku later...

That bike was stolen
The night I lost my hymen
It was cherry red
Haiku # 65843, September 8, 2019 12:25 pm ET
by The Hymen of And the bike
Those "friends" are called lice.
Better spray your pillow case.
You nasty hippie.
Haiku # 65842, September 8, 2019 12:09 pm ET
by
Use your bicycle.
That old rusty Schwinn ten-speed.
My balls on the curb.
Haiku # 65841, September 8, 2019 12:06 pm ET
by
They run up and down
My pillowcase all night long
Tiny dinosaur friends
Haiku # 65840, September 8, 2019 4:13 am ET
by Now I want to live of Pillowcase
Farmer gathers eggs
Places them in a basket
Small dinosaurs hatch
Haiku # 65839, September 8, 2019 4:11 am ET
by I like that of World where I wasn't to live
If I had a car
If you wanted me to. I'd
Run over your balls
Haiku # 65838, September 8, 2019 3:55 am ET
by Someone you know of Who can't drive
I thought I wrote that
That's how much I understand
Don't give up yet, friend
Haiku # 65837, September 8, 2019 3:38 am ET
by Someone you know of Rock bottom
You don't understand
the situation at hand.
All joy has been lost.
Haiku # 65836, September 8, 2019 3:27 am ET
by
I so want to die.
It would be much easier
if I had a gun.
Haiku # 65835, September 8, 2019 3:23 am ET
by
Poo fart now change bun.
Queers blow semen in hole rims.
Dingleberry turds.
Haiku # 65834, September 8, 2019 3:16 am ET
by
You are a strange one.
There's no meaning in poems.
Arbitrary words.
Haiku # 65833, September 8, 2019 3:11 am ET
by
Which does more damage,
LSD or head trauma?
Why not try them both!

Munch the whole damn sheet.
Jump over speeding sports cars.
Because God said to.

Simultaneous
Happy party fun good time
Neural necrosis.

Or something like that.
Want to buy a used chicken?
Delicious fresh eggs.
Haiku # 65832, September 8, 2019 3:08 am ET
by
Sometimes my balls hurt.
Is it some kind of disease?
Should I not hit them?
Haiku # 65831, September 8, 2019 3:00 am ET
by
What if head hunters
caught a Jap bagel-head girl?
Eat it or shrink it?
Haiku # 65830, September 8, 2019 2:58 am ET
by
Fukushima shine
Let's make use of your forehead
Put on this lampshade
Haiku # 65829, September 8, 2019 12:22 am ET
by I got a free bagel of With this Japanese lamp
Seeing double now
Is that just you over there
Or some conjoined twins?
Haiku # 65828, September 8, 2019 12:14 am ET
by Drunk of Barstool
Twenty six teeth left
In the head that God gave me
He kicked out the rest
Haiku # 65827, September 8, 2019 12:10 am ET
by Ouch of That smarts
The vast difference
between the vas deferens
and vast difference

is in the spelling.
Or, in your case, the smelling.
Syphilis does that.

Starvin' Marvin's head
is a penis cross section.
You should check it out.
Haiku # 65826, September 7, 2019 11:02 pm ET
by
The rode less traveled
Was where they tossed the dildo
But I still found it
Haiku # 65825, September 7, 2019 10:56 pm ET
by Traveler of Road (less traveled)
The vas deferens
Had other plans for poor Jim
And there you have it
Haiku # 65824, September 7, 2019 10:43 pm ET
by Biology of Class
He always wanted
To pee inside a woman
That's what he told me
Haiku # 65823, September 7, 2019 10:40 pm ET
by Person he told of Within earshot
French soggy biscuit.
Where am I going with this?
Weasel vagina.
Haiku # 65822, September 7, 2019 7:53 pm ET
by
teary eyed, I cry
sorrow so immense, I die
My Minecraft cat died
Haiku # 65821, September 7, 2019 10:35 am ET
by Line of lines
I thought that croissant
had a funny taste to it.
Funny like a clown.
Haiku # 65820, September 7, 2019 4:54 am ET
by
The only time I ever fucked a croissant was in France.
Haiku # 65819, September 7, 2019 2:20 am ET
by Pierre of France
Explain the bulge, please
Do scarecrows get erections?
Is it a corn cob?
Haiku # 65818, September 7, 2019 1:41 am ET
by Outstanding of Field
Jungian approach
To psychoanalysis:
"You motherfucker"
Haiku # 65817, September 7, 2019 12:57 am ET
by Anomalous Poet
Got a resource here
Thirteen inch trouser python
See what you can do
Haiku # 65816, September 7, 2019 12:57 am ET
by Walkin Funny of Hard to say where
I scream then you scream
But there's no goddamn ice cream
Why are we screaming?
Haiku # 65815, September 7, 2019 12:54 am ET
by Witness of 2020 Presidential Debate
Psychoanalized
Just why do you bend the spoons?
Urinalysis
Haiku # 65814, September 7, 2019 12:54 am ET
by Frigmund Roid of Couch
Let's debate about
Distribution / resources
Shouting match ensues
Haiku # 65813, September 7, 2019 12:52 am ET
by Capitalism vs Communism of Giant Doooosh vs Turd Sandwich
Psychically bends spoons
To shove up your fucking ass
Uri Geller's here
Haiku # 65812, September 7, 2019 12:49 am ET
by Judaism vs. Communism of Oy Vey Who Will Win?
Tump stable genius!
Compared to Bolshe Bernie's
Mad Communist crew

Stupid Commies all
New Democrat red Chitbirds
Shit on our country

Green new deal con job
No more cars, air planes and boats
Except for themselves.

No more hamburger!
Tofu for all Comrades!
Except for themselves.

No more Automats!
Turn in your Kalashnikove's!
But we will keep ours.

Better idea Veks!
Cram them in your red grain chutes!
And we will keep ours!
Haiku # 65811, September 7, 2019 12:44 am ET
by Baron Urgern Von Stern Berg of Mongolia
*they're not poets.
fucking grammar
Haiku # 65810, September 7, 2019 12:28 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Five-year-olds get high
behind the kindergarten.
Teacher can't find stash.
Haiku # 65809, September 7, 2019 12:27 am ET
by Major bummer.
Three dead mosquitoes.
Well, at least their not poets.
But still blood-suckers.
Haiku # 65808, September 7, 2019 12:25 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Talented asshole.
Gay man does Kegel routine.
Shows bitches what's up.
Haiku # 65807, September 7, 2019 12:23 am ET
by is that you, cuntfart?
Brazilian waxing.
Just the taint and balls today.
Maybe the nose hairs.
Haiku # 65806, September 7, 2019 12:18 am ET
by df
I just love pigeons
I bit off a man's ear once
It wasn't Van Gogh
Haiku # 65805, September 6, 2019 11:06 pm ET
by Mike Tyson of Pigeon Coop
OK, Hunan pork.
You want small or you want large?
For here or to go?
Haiku # 65804, September 6, 2019 10:02 pm ET
by Meat Cleaver Lady's Husband of Asia Pearl Kitchen
Tulsi get Bernied
Hillary get off the hook
Things get more crazy
Haiku # 65803, September 6, 2019 9:58 pm ET
by Old Lady with Meat Cleaver of Chinatown
"Dogs piss on trees."

- Neil deGrasse Tyson
Haiku # 65802, September 6, 2019 6:51 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Speaking of hand jobs
I'd much rather watch paint dry
Or watch the grass grow
Haiku # 65801, September 6, 2019 3:57 pm ET
by Ann Noyed of Behind binoculars
Yoga mat poop stain
Downward facing dog poop pose
Full lotus pantsload
Haiku # 65800, September 6, 2019 1:47 pm ET
by Yogi of Smelly
I did not go see
That Shan state girl with big boobs
For a long long time

She wanted to scroog
But I let her escape pounding
And now- I regret.

When you get a chance
Give them a good rogering
And make them happy
Haiku # 65799, September 6, 2019 5:52 am ET
by Druk Pa Kunley of Black Yak Mountain
I did not go see
That Shan state girl with big boobs
For a long long time

She wanted to scroog
But I let her escape pounding
And now I regret.

When you get chance
Give them a good rogering
And make them happy
Haiku # 65798, September 6, 2019 5:45 am ET
by Druk Pa Kunley of Black Yak Mountain
Slow death by handjob.
Chiseled right on my tombstone.
I can live with that.
Haiku # 65797, September 6, 2019 1:37 am ET
by df
Just massage yourself
Masturbation millionaire
Invest in yourself
Haiku # 65796, September 6, 2019 1:20 am ET
by Good advices from Starkitten of PNW
Among mammals, Rafinesque's big-eared bat has the largest testes relative to body size, since they account for over 8 percent of the bat's total body mass. "The North Pacific right whale has the largest testes ever recorded," Lupold said, explaining that each weighs over 1,102 pounds.
Haiku # 65795, September 6, 2019 1:19 am ET
by So how the hell does one become an expert on whale testes?! of Taste testing testes?
Stay out of those shops
You'll get syphilis and die
Unhappy ending
Haiku # 65794, September 6, 2019 1:17 am ET
by Warning of Behind binoculars
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