Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 136 Days and 76970 Haiku later...

Why do I come here?
To read shit haiku's like these?
It would appear so
Haiku # 65474, August 1, 2019 10:55 pm ET
by This site fuckin sucks
Chop off your penis.
Dice it and cook it in soup.
Serve it for dinner.

After they eat it,
let them know what they just ate.
Laugh in your wife's face.

"That is the last time
you will ever get my dick!
I am happy now!"
Haiku # 65473, August 1, 2019 10:42 pm ET
by President Donald Trump of No, seriously.
Express the given function using window and step functions and compute its Laplace transform.
Haiku # 65472, August 1, 2019 10:20 pm ET
by
Trapping and fucking
wild boars is no easy task.
KY jelly helps.
Haiku # 65471, August 1, 2019 7:03 pm ET
by Cue Deliverance theme song. of Squeal, little piggie, squeal for daddy.
Who is more boring,
the bore or the copycat?
You make meth-heads yawn.

Work in surgery.
You're drug-free anesthesia.
Side effect, bad taste.
Haiku # 65470, August 1, 2019 6:55 pm ET
by df of Fuckin' those pigs all night long.
The ghost of Reagan
Massaging his prostate gland
Eating bananas
Haiku # 65469, August 1, 2019 2:43 pm ET
by Walkin Funny of Under old willow
When four Andrew Yangs
Locked in a room together
It becomes YangBang
Haiku # 65468, August 1, 2019 2:09 pm ET
by Donald J Trump of The White House
Figpucker you're DULL!
Dull dull dull tiresome and dull.
(You are also dull.)
Haiku # 65467, August 1, 2019 9:43 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Diseases of lust.
They kind of feel good at first.
Extra sensitive.
Haiku # 65466, August 1, 2019 3:29 am ET
by Don't say I never gave you anything. of I caught it from a pig.
Heightened awareness
Sense of smell prehistoric
Sabre toothed anus
Haiku # 65465, July 31, 2019 9:56 pm ET
by Caveman of Cave (actually wife s cunt)
Short at the checkout
People mocking you, Shorty
TIME TO GO MENTAL!!!
Haiku # 65464, July 31, 2019 9:49 pm ET
by Shorty of Checkout
The scratch off ticket
Scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch
Scratch scratch scratch. You lose
Haiku # 65463, July 31, 2019 9:46 pm ET
by Trudging along of Under old willow
Popping anal cysts.
It's now trending on YouTube.
Proctologists' dream.
Haiku # 65462, July 31, 2019 8:44 pm ET
by Jealous Ob-Gyn
Oooh, that new car smell
Except it s not a new car
It s a hairy cunt
Haiku # 65461, July 31, 2019 2:39 pm ET
by Fornication of Porch
Now that s manliness
Big shoes and you fill them up
A double cod piece
Haiku # 65460, July 31, 2019 11:20 am ET
by 2Pecker of Doubledecker
Bugle at sunrise
My flatulence wakes the town
Gives the day purpose
Haiku # 65459, July 31, 2019 7:38 am ET
by Walkin Funny of Shat my pantz
The milking parlour
Each penis trapped in metal
Not a cow in sight
Haiku # 65458, July 30, 2019 11:30 pm ET
by Cream Top of Past you eyes
I am so evil.
I switched out the gold spray paint
with mosquito spray.

In the back alley
are a bunch of dead huffers.
Golden-faced corpses.

No laws are broken.
Used for intended purpose.
Deceased parasites.
Haiku # 65457, July 30, 2019 11:23 pm ET
by Jealous Pharaoh. of Afterlife adornments.
You are not awesome.
You're less than ordinary.
Even substandard.
Haiku # 65456, July 30, 2019 9:04 pm ET
by Your significant other.
I will not do it
if God does not tell me to.
Follow the Shepherd.

No, seriously.
Darth Vader's not Anakin.
"Dave" is... undarthy.

David Lee Roth, David Bowie, David Hasselhof... See, not very darthy at all... there are just no evil Davids out there. So Figpucker it is. All Figpuckers are evil.
Haiku # 65455, July 30, 2019 5:40 pm ET
by df
A coincidence
Figpucker s name is David
Our Beloved Darth
Haiku # 65454, July 30, 2019 3:02 pm ET
by Star Trek Historian of Captain's Smelly Log
David, in Psalms, said
Hate them with perfect hatred.
(But that's the O.T...)
Haiku # 65453, July 30, 2019 10:27 am ET
by Groovy Messianic Hippie Shepherd of Love
Yes you should hate me
Because I am a shithead
Not 'cause God told you
Haiku # 65452, July 30, 2019 9:58 am ET
by Jack the Zipper
The Bible says that
God says that I should hate you.
Your feelings on this?
Haiku # 65451, July 30, 2019 5:11 am ET
by Devoid of feeling.
Sophistication.
I ate chocolate covered ants.
But not on purpose.
Haiku # 65450, July 29, 2019 7:15 pm ET
by
You got your chocolate on my testicles!
You got your testicles in my chocolate!
Two great tastes that taste great together.
Haiku # 65449, July 29, 2019 7:03 pm ET
by
Got no energy.
Constipated this morning.
Recommendations?

No, I don't want meth.
I already had coffee.
Oh, never mind then!
Haiku # 65448, July 29, 2019 6:32 pm ET
by df of Hearing voices.
Stiff competition
The menfolk comparing schlongs
How far they can spit
Haiku # 65447, July 29, 2019 5:30 pm ET
by Summer Schlong of Schlong Summer
It is not easy.
When you're the best whore in town.
Twat is always sore.
Haiku # 65446, July 29, 2019 4:47 pm ET
by df
Nissan Passwinder
Drive the all new sports sedan
Powered. By. Your. Farts.
Haiku # 65445, July 29, 2019 7:37 am ET
by Messy Dude of California emission nocturnal
Chicoms own movies
Bought out Hollywood rat finks
Push propaganda films

Comic book bull shit
And "America is bad"
Moronic jive crap

Box office nose dive
lose millions of green dollars
No one will watch film.
Haiku # 65444, July 29, 2019 5:27 am ET
by Jon Walon of El Dorado
Had to smog old car
One more California scam
Another damn tax.
Haiku # 65443, July 29, 2019 5:09 am ET
by Walt Tripp of Hawgsback woods
Family gathering
After church. Sunday dinner
Granny s meat curtains
Haiku # 65442, July 28, 2019 8:59 am ET
by Sausage dink of A roundabout
You are so, so wrong.
Your penis smells like yak poo.
It's Yak Shaving Day!

Ren and Stimpy rule.
Disgusting animation.
Absolute finest.
Haiku # 65441, July 28, 2019 4:12 am ET
by Nose Goblin close-ups.
Edgar Allen Poe.
Real poems vs. haiku.
Who you gonna trust?!
Haiku # 65440, July 28, 2019 4:08 am ET
by When you catch the dragon, it tastes sort of like frog legs when deep fried in corn batter. Yummy!
You need opium.
Satan doesn't want your cash.
Your mind will be free.
Haiku # 65439, July 28, 2019 4:05 am ET
by Chase that dragon.
To get your mind back
Don't give the devil money
Stop taking the drugs

That means alcohol
Weed and everything else
Learn the straight edge life

Your mind will clear up
You will then stop losing time
Your body will be strong

So you don't believe?
Just try it out for yourself
See if I am wrong
Haiku # 65438, July 28, 2019 3:28 am ET
by Rolang of Yak Mountain
Went to the V.A.
To see it they had changed
Not a God Damn bit

Illegal Alien?
Jump the border criminal?
The state will help you.

Busted up GI?
Injuries due to service?
You are on you own.
Haiku # 65437, July 28, 2019 3:01 am ET
by XGI of Chitopolis
The infestation
How many times in one day
Do I need to douche?
Haiku # 65436, July 28, 2019 12:06 am ET
by Bugsy Faggina
Benguet region coffee.
Tastes like fucking blueberries.
Reminds me of Jules.

"That's some serious gourmet shit right there."
Pulp Fiction.
It's the light saber that says "Bad Motherfucker". -- Mace Windu
Haiku # 65435, July 27, 2019 10:29 pm ET
by Feeling an urge to be evil.
Where's my light saber.
I need to trim the hedges.
Darth Juan landscaping.
Haiku # 65434, July 27, 2019 10:25 pm ET
by Obi Juan Kenobi of Gone to the Dark Side
Flies are disgusting.
Preying mantises are sexy.
But then you might die.
Haiku # 65433, July 27, 2019 10:22 pm ET
by I could live with that.
Ladies, keep it clean.
A woman's worth is her cunt.
Lysol keeps it fresh.
Haiku # 65432, July 27, 2019 7:51 pm ET
by Time Traveler
Which do you prefer?
An Asian dwarf or pygmy?
Sometimes pygmies bite.

But for wiping ass,
pygmies really know their shit.
Figliterally.
Haiku # 65431, July 27, 2019 12:44 pm ET
by Figpuckerishness -- The degree to which something is figpuckered.
Build me a bidet!
By bidet I mean midget
Who will wipe my arse
Haiku # 65430, July 26, 2019 11:02 pm ET
by Iona Brownbottom of Throne
Would you rather fuck
A giant sized praying mantis
Or giant housefly?
Haiku # 65429, July 26, 2019 10:49 pm ET
by You can only pick one
Better to barter
Clean my house, get a blow job
From my Doberman
Haiku # 65428, July 26, 2019 10:45 pm ET
by Win of Win
Dealing with the coins,
the wind takes your dollar bills.
Cunt shit fuck piss whore!
Haiku # 65427, July 26, 2019 9:08 pm ET
by And I have to laugh.
I beg to differ.
Neither my nor my cat's ass
has a bad odor.

Asian girls wash me.
Nineteen year old prostitutes.
I pay them in rice.

My cat, however,
she has to wash her own ass.
I feed her dog stew.

Well, my leftovers.
Dog meat tastes just like lean beef.
You would never know.
Haiku # 65426, July 26, 2019 7:51 pm ET
by df
Hey, what do ya mean
Nothing ever comes from this?
I just blew my wad
Haiku # 65425, July 26, 2019 10:00 am ET
by E. Jack of Radiator Springs
< 50 Less Recent Haiku 50 More Recent Haiku >