BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
23 Years
268 Days
67797 Haikus
Oooh, that new car smell
Except it s not a new car
It s a hairy cunt
Haiku #65461, by Fornication of Porch
July 31, 2019 2:39 pm ET

Now that s manliness
Big shoes and you fill them up
A double cod piece
Haiku #65460, by 2Pecker of Doubledecker
July 31, 2019 11:20 am ET

Bugle at sunrise
My flatulence wakes the town
Gives the day purpose
Haiku #65459, by Walkin Funny of Shat my pantz
July 31, 2019 7:38 am ET

The milking parlour
Each penis trapped in metal
Not a cow in sight
Haiku #65458, by Cream Top of Past you eyes
July 30, 2019 11:30 pm ET

I am so evil.
I switched out the gold spray paint
with mosquito spray.

In the back alley
are a bunch of dead huffers.
Golden-faced corpses.

No laws are broken.
Used for intended purpose.
Deceased parasites.
Haiku #65457, by Jealous Pharaoh. of Afterlife adornments.
July 30, 2019 11:23 pm ET

You are not awesome.
You're less than ordinary.
Even substandard.
Haiku #65456, by Your significant other.
July 30, 2019 9:04 pm ET

I will not do it
if God does not tell me to.
Follow the Shepherd.

No, seriously.
Darth Vader's not Anakin.
"Dave" is... undarthy.

David Lee Roth, David Bowie, David Hasselhof... See, not very darthy at all... there are just no evil Davids out there. So Figpucker it is. All Figpuckers are evil.
Haiku #65455, by df
July 30, 2019 5:40 pm ET

A coincidence
Figpucker s name is David
Our Beloved Darth
Haiku #65454, by Star Trek Historian of Captain's Smelly Log
July 30, 2019 3:02 pm ET

David, in Psalms, said
Hate them with perfect hatred.
(But that's the O.T...)
Haiku #65453, by Groovy Messianic Hippie Shepherd of Love
July 30, 2019 10:27 am ET

Yes you should hate me
Because I am a shithead
Not 'cause God told you
Haiku #65452, by Jack the Zipper
July 30, 2019 9:58 am ET

The Bible says that
God says that I should hate you.
Your feelings on this?
Haiku #65451, by Devoid of feeling.
July 30, 2019 5:11 am ET

I ate chocolate covered ants.
But not on purpose.
Haiku #65450, by
July 29, 2019 7:15 pm ET

You got your chocolate on my testicles!
You got your testicles in my chocolate!
Two great tastes that taste great together.
Haiku #65449, by
July 29, 2019 7:03 pm ET

Got no energy.
Constipated this morning.

No, I don't want meth.
I already had coffee.
Oh, never mind then!
Haiku #65448, by df of Hearing voices.
July 29, 2019 6:32 pm ET

Stiff competition
The menfolk comparing schlongs
How far they can spit
Haiku #65447, by Summer Schlong of Schlong Summer
July 29, 2019 5:30 pm ET

It is not easy.
When you're the best whore in town.
Twat is always sore.
Haiku #65446, by df
July 29, 2019 4:47 pm ET

Nissan Passwinder
Drive the all new sports sedan
Powered. By. Your. Farts.
Haiku #65445, by Messy Dude of California emission nocturnal
July 29, 2019 7:37 am ET

Chicoms own movies
Bought out Hollywood rat finks
Push propaganda films

Comic book bull shit
And "America is bad"
Moronic jive crap

Box office nose dive
lose millions of green dollars
No one will watch film.
Haiku #65444, by Jon Walon of El Dorado
July 29, 2019 5:27 am ET

Had to smog old car
One more California scam
Another damn tax.
Haiku #65443, by Walt Tripp of Hawgsback woods
July 29, 2019 5:09 am ET

Family gathering
After church. Sunday dinner
Granny s meat curtains
Haiku #65442, by Sausage dink of A roundabout
July 28, 2019 8:59 am ET

You are so, so wrong.
Your penis smells like yak poo.
It's Yak Shaving Day!

Ren and Stimpy rule.
Disgusting animation.
Absolute finest.
Haiku #65441, by Nose Goblin close-ups.
July 28, 2019 4:12 am ET

Edgar Allen Poe.
Real poems vs. haiku.
Who you gonna trust?!
Haiku #65440, by When you catch the dragon, it tastes sort of like frog legs when deep fried in corn batter. Yummy!
July 28, 2019 4:08 am ET

You need opium.
Satan doesn't want your cash.
Your mind will be free.
Haiku #65439, by Chase that dragon.
July 28, 2019 4:05 am ET

To get your mind back
Don't give the devil money
Stop taking the drugs

That means alcohol
Weed and everything else
Learn the straight edge life

Your mind will clear up
You will then stop losing time
Your body will be strong

So you don't believe?
Just try it out for yourself
See if I am wrong
Haiku #65438, by Rolang of Yak Mountain
July 28, 2019 3:28 am ET

Went to the V.A.
To see it they had changed
Not a God Damn bit

Illegal Alien?
Jump the border criminal?
The state will help you.

Busted up GI?
Injuries due to service?
You are on you own.
Haiku #65437, by XGI of Chitopolis
July 28, 2019 3:01 am ET

The infestation
How many times in one day
Do I need to douche?
Haiku #65436, by Bugsy Faggina
July 28, 2019 12:06 am ET

Benguet region coffee.
Tastes like fucking blueberries.
Reminds me of Jules.

"That's some serious gourmet shit right there."
Pulp Fiction.
It's the light saber that says "Bad Motherfucker". -- Mace Windu
Haiku #65435, by Feeling an urge to be evil.
July 27, 2019 10:29 pm ET

Where's my light saber.
I need to trim the hedges.
Darth Juan landscaping.
Haiku #65434, by Obi Juan Kenobi of Gone to the Dark Side
July 27, 2019 10:25 pm ET

Flies are disgusting.
Preying mantises are sexy.
But then you might die.
Haiku #65433, by I could live with that.
July 27, 2019 10:22 pm ET

Ladies, keep it clean.
A woman's worth is her cunt.
Lysol keeps it fresh.
Haiku #65432, by Time Traveler
July 27, 2019 7:51 pm ET

Which do you prefer?
An Asian dwarf or pygmy?
Sometimes pygmies bite.

But for wiping ass,
pygmies really know their shit.
Haiku #65431, by Figpuckerishness -- The degree to which something is figpuckered.
July 27, 2019 12:44 pm ET

Build me a bidet!
By bidet I mean midget
Who will wipe my arse
Haiku #65430, by Iona Brownbottom of Throne
July 26, 2019 11:02 pm ET

Would you rather fuck
A giant sized praying mantis
Or giant housefly?
Haiku #65429, by You can only pick one
July 26, 2019 10:49 pm ET

Better to barter
Clean my house, get a blow job
From my Doberman
Haiku #65428, by Win of Win
July 26, 2019 10:45 pm ET

Dealing with the coins,
the wind takes your dollar bills.
Cunt shit fuck piss whore!
Haiku #65427, by And I have to laugh.
July 26, 2019 9:08 pm ET

I beg to differ.
Neither my nor my cat's ass
has a bad odor.

Asian girls wash me.
Nineteen year old prostitutes.
I pay them in rice.

My cat, however,
she has to wash her own ass.
I feed her dog stew.

Well, my leftovers.
Dog meat tastes just like lean beef.
You would never know.
Haiku #65426, by df
July 26, 2019 7:51 pm ET

Hey, what do ya mean
Nothing ever comes from this?
I just blew my wad
Haiku #65425, by E. Jack of Radiator Springs
July 26, 2019 10:00 am ET

Smiling pleasantly
As I hand Darth a washcloth
Please go wash your ass
Haiku #65424, by Board of Health of Hazmat suit
July 26, 2019 7:13 am ET

Stinky Ass Challenge
Who s got the stinkiest ass?
Me, You or your cat?
Haiku #65423, by Cat of Roast beef ass
July 26, 2019 7:10 am ET

Been hearing voices
Arguing inside my head
Wait, that s my asshole
Haiku #65422, by Nevermind of It was just a fart
July 26, 2019 7:08 am ET

Pants marionette
Just call him Howdy Doody
It s a hand puppet
Haiku #65421, by Jack of Your box
July 26, 2019 4:29 am ET

Figpucker s clean taint
Mythbusters proved it s a myth
It ain t clean at all
Haiku #65420, by Spore of Attic
July 26, 2019 4:26 am ET

Cuntfart Cuntfart Cunt
Cuntfart Cuntfart Cunt Cunt Cunt
Cuntfart Cuntfart Cunt
Haiku #65419, by Important memo of Don t chant USA USA
July 25, 2019 11:35 pm ET

Why wait for cancer?
Your sins will be washed away
Your ass will still stink
Haiku #65418, by Anonymous Poet
July 25, 2019 11:32 pm ET

You re nobody til Jizzumbody loves you
Haiku #65417, by Anonymous Poet
July 25, 2019 11:28 pm ET

If I had cancer
I'd shoot those who post selfies
and pics of their lunch.
Haiku #65416, by Darth Angryboy
July 25, 2019 11:25 pm ET

So I wrote a song.
It's my take on "Tainted Love".
I call it "Loved Taint".
Haiku #65415, by Darth Figpucker
July 25, 2019 10:58 pm ET

Such a waste of time
Nothing ever comes from this
It is tome to go
Haiku #65414, by Bye, bye assholes
July 25, 2019 10:29 pm ET

They chant decide now!
It's not easy being green!
Unison, be gay!
Haiku #65413, by Ledge of Kentucky
July 25, 2019 4:04 pm ET

your eyes caught mine, I
knew we were undone, exposed.
She said, "He needs you".
Haiku #65412, by Ledge of Kentucky
July 25, 2019 3:56 pm ET