You are not awesome.
You're less than ordinary.
Even substandard.

I will not do it
if God does not tell me to.
Follow the Shepherd.

No, seriously.
Darth Vader's not Anakin.
"Dave" is... undarthy.

David Lee Roth, David Bowie, David Hasselhof... See, not very darthy at all... there are just no evil Davids out there. So Figpucker it is. All Figpuckers are evil.

A coincidence
Figpucker s name is David
Our Beloved Darth

David, in Psalms, said
Hate them with perfect hatred.
(But that's the O.T...)

Yes you should hate me
Because I am a shithead
Not 'cause God told you

The Bible says that
God says that I should hate you.
Your feelings on this?

Sophistication.
I ate chocolate covered ants.
But not on purpose.

You got your chocolate on my testicles!
You got your testicles in my chocolate!
Two great tastes that taste great together.

Got no energy.
Constipated this morning.
Recommendations?

No, I don't want meth.
I already had coffee.
Oh, never mind then!

Stiff competition
The menfolk comparing schlongs
How far they can spit

It is not easy.
When you're the best whore in town.
Twat is always sore.

Nissan Passwinder
Drive the all new sports sedan
Powered. By. Your. Farts.

Chicoms own movies
Bought out Hollywood rat finks
Push propaganda films

Comic book bull shit
And "America is bad"
Moronic jive crap

Box office nose dive
lose millions of green dollars
No one will watch film.

Had to smog old car
One more California scam
Another damn tax.

Family gathering
After church. Sunday dinner
Granny s meat curtains

You are so, so wrong.
Your penis smells like yak poo.
It's Yak Shaving Day!

Ren and Stimpy rule.
Disgusting animation.
Absolute finest.

Edgar Allen Poe.
Real poems vs. haiku.
Who you gonna trust?!

You need opium.
Satan doesn't want your cash.
Your mind will be free.

To get your mind back
Don't give the devil money
Stop taking the drugs

That means alcohol
Weed and everything else
Learn the straight edge life

Your mind will clear up
You will then stop losing time
Your body will be strong

So you don't believe?
Just try it out for yourself
See if I am wrong

Went to the V.A.
To see it they had changed
Not a God Damn bit

Illegal Alien?
Jump the border criminal?
The state will help you.

Busted up GI?
Injuries due to service?
You are on you own.

The infestation
How many times in one day
Do I need to douche?

Benguet region coffee.
Tastes like fucking blueberries.
Reminds me of Jules.

"That's some serious gourmet shit right there."
Pulp Fiction.
It's the light saber that says "Bad Motherfucker". -- Mace Windu

Where's my light saber.
I need to trim the hedges.
Darth Juan landscaping.

Flies are disgusting.
Preying mantises are sexy.
But then you might die.

Ladies, keep it clean.
A woman's worth is her cunt.
Lysol keeps it fresh.

Which do you prefer?
An Asian dwarf or pygmy?
Sometimes pygmies bite.

But for wiping ass,
pygmies really know their shit.
Figliterally.

Build me a bidet!
By bidet I mean midget
Who will wipe my arse

Would you rather fuck
A giant sized praying mantis
Or giant housefly?

Better to barter
Clean my house, get a blow job
From my Doberman

Dealing with the coins,
the wind takes your dollar bills.
Cunt shit fuck piss whore!

I beg to differ.
Neither my nor my cat's ass
has a bad odor.

Asian girls wash me.
Nineteen year old prostitutes.
I pay them in rice.

My cat, however,
she has to wash her own ass.
I feed her dog stew.

Well, my leftovers.
Dog meat tastes just like lean beef.
You would never know.

Hey, what do ya mean
Nothing ever comes from this?
I just blew my wad

Smiling pleasantly
As I hand Darth a washcloth
Please go wash your ass

Stinky Ass Challenge
Who s got the stinkiest ass?
Me, You or your cat?

Been hearing voices
Arguing inside my head
Wait, that s my asshole

Pants marionette
Just call him Howdy Doody
It s a hand puppet

Figpucker s clean taint
Mythbusters proved it s a myth
It ain t clean at all

Cuntfart Cuntfart Cunt
Cuntfart Cuntfart Cunt Cunt Cunt
Cuntfart Cuntfart Cunt

Why wait for cancer?
Your sins will be washed away
Your ass will still stink

You re nobody til Jizzumbody loves you

If I had cancer
I'd shoot those who post selfies
and pics of their lunch.

So I wrote a song.
It's my take on "Tainted Love".
I call it "Loved Taint".

Such a waste of time
Nothing ever comes from this
It is tome to go

They chant decide now!
It's not easy being green!
Unison, be gay!

your eyes caught mine, I
knew we were undone, exposed.
She said, "He needs you".

Marriage is like wine;
Smooth, silky, brazen, bright, big!
Oh,Cassis of souls...

I'd go to the end,
beginning and back again.
Just to taste your skin.

Ali Holmes Sparring
Like Mar(ch) Valley Girl titans
All is loss, yet love

Nuke it from orbit
The only way to be sure
That's what I would do

I finished wiping
Why does poop keep coming out?
Wait, that s your ass