More entertaining
if we superglued his "dink"
down between his legs.

No more urinal.
He'd have to pee like a girl.
Forget erections.

Hanging by his hat
Old Superglue commercial
Someone suck his dink

Is it just bad luck
If the church steeple falls off
And lands right on you

High at work today
Smelling coworkers armpits
I wear Birkenstocks

When killing someone
Be sure to cut the head off
Before eating it

When shooting oneself
Make sure the walls are covered
In case blood splatters

At the Last Supper
Jesus pulled the tablecloth
Oh, what a showman!

Let's diss Muhammad.
I mean, he fucked little girls.
And quite likely goats.

Jesus wiped for thee
Behold the Shroud of Turin
Prototype Charmin

Those tears that you see
Running down my leg are pee
Holy water s free

Cry boo hoo
Says weeping Jesus
We enjoy your tears keep giving us Fame
You're nothing but a fucking lame

No virgin I see
Nothing but a crawling whore to us that see.
Don't worry bout him he's with me

Put it in your mouth
If you want to kill yourself
Not to your temple

Greatest touch without being there
I felt his presence in the air
Through the mind it was taken there
And burst of pleasure in the air
Virgin twin woah water everywhere

The only way to do this is to get a new car and then get a new truck and then get a new one for me to go to shop for a new house

Morning health smoothie
Made from elite athlete s poop
You will get the runs

And I thought if it fucked me in spirit it at least would've had a dick

And I thought if it fucked me in spirit it at least would've had a dick

People are funny
When they think you aren t looking

They like to jerk off

People are funny
When they think you arenâ

Are you still twitching?
Thought you had died long ago . . .
you vile piece of filth.

Listening to Rush
Rhythmic hockey stick dry hump
Greasy poutine stain

The Virgin Mary
Identical twin sister
God spaketh: Spread em!

Listening to Rush.
It's bittersweet and painful.
Picking a deep scab.

Though I fucked her twice
The bible keeps insisting
Mary's a virgin

I think I'll post that on Facebook.

It's fascinating how you can watch your mental state/health decline and do nothing about it except sit back and let yourself be entertained as your life, family, and all you've worked for fall apart and crumble as all things eventually must.
I am jealous of inanimate objects and lower life forms.
Although I understand, but do not condone, those who murder their families, sparing them the pain and misery of the universe.
Myself, I say let the little shits be miserable. They deserve it. They deserve every ice cream cone and amusement park ride that they beg for like lapdogs wanting table scraps. The deserve to go the movies and eat popcorn. They deserve every goddamn torture that society and industry has dreamed up for them. The fattened, lazy lumps, ripe for the slaughter when the alien overlords come down to butcher them for steaks.
Therefore I say unto you: Go forth and fornicate. Multiply. Exponentiate. The gods demand entertainment!

I am, indeed, a banana.

On his wedding day
He wore a white tuxedo
Like a huge bunny

Lettuce prey, hare lip
Why wait until Sunday comes?
Fuck like wild rabbits

The carrots have souls.
Let the rabbits wear glasses.
Give me an "Amen!"

Brussels sprouts with lightly salted lemon butter and some fresh grated Parmesan cheese and a nice glass of Beaujolais. 2009.

Don't eat processed food.
Hot dogs are not good for you.
Eat your Brussels sprouts.

As you're being chased you have to taunt back at your pursuer, "Ha ha ha! You didn't have time to wipe! Now your undies are all shitty and you'll have to go home and change! Ha ha ha! The more you run, the worse it smears!
And hope that he doesn't have a gun.
Take a video of him chasing you.
Put the whole even on YouTube for the world to see.
Think of the views. You'll be famous.
All for peeing on some guy's shoes. You're welcome.

My yellow suede shoes
Used to be my blue suede shoes
Keep away from me

Chased to Hell and back
Jesus tripped over his robe
He came in second

Introperverted
All dirty thoughts kept to self
But still a pervert

Extrovert peeing.
Pee on people's shoes while they
are taking a dump.

Better run quickly.
They'll chase you to hell and back.
Laugh like a madman.

I don't drink and drive.
I bicycle while tripping.
Chicken with semis.

Satanic metal.
Not that I'm into Satan.
I'm just a purist.

Shy urination
Paper bag worn on the head
In the mens restroom

Shy urination
Paper bag worn on the head
In the menâ

Attention poets
Have a finger fucking fourth
Please don't drink and drive

Old men screwing whores.
Fat women eating cheesecake.
Junkies aren't so bad.

Was done on South Park.
Kenny in the bus driver,
Miss Crabtree, I think.

He died up in there.
But, it wasn't really him.
Just some other kid.

He died for our sins.
Well, your sins, that is, not mine.
Now kneel and pray.

Our Kenny, who art in heaven...

Midget hide and seek
Fat lady of the circus
Someone in her cunt

Tattoos on his face
Tell the world that he is shit
Thanks for the warning

Fifty years ago
Brian Jones drowned on this day
And he is still dead

Bring out all the tanks
Stuff the big guns with kaka
Now chant: USA

When Facebook shuts down
The only way to fix it
Suck Zuckerberg s dink

Facebook crashed because
I uploaded a dick pick.
No, seriously.