BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
22 Years
343 Days
and
66235 Haikus
later...
Jesus wiped for thee
Behold the Shroud of Turin
Prototype Charmin
Haiku #65186, by Holy Chit of 2ply Heavenly Soft
July 8, 2019 2:54 am ET

Those tears that you see
Running down my leg are pee
Holy water s free
Haiku #65185, by Laughing Jesus of 1900 DirtyJoke
July 8, 2019 2:52 am ET

Cry boo hoo
Says weeping Jesus
We enjoy your tears keep giving us Fame
You're nothing but a fucking lame
Haiku #65184, by Jesus Wept of For Me
July 8, 2019 2:04 am ET

No virgin I see
Nothing but a crawling whore to us that see.
Don't worry bout him he's with me
Haiku #65183, by We get money of U Lose
July 8, 2019 2:01 am ET

Put it in your mouth
If you want to kill yourself
Not to your temple
Haiku #65182, by Suicide 101
July 8, 2019 1:57 am ET

Greatest touch without being there
I felt his presence in the air
Through the mind it was taken there
And burst of pleasure in the air
Virgin twin woah water everywhere
Haiku #65181, by How did u do it of Amazing
July 8, 2019 1:57 am ET

The only way to do this is to get a new car and then get a new truck and then get a new one for me to go to shop for a new house
Haiku #65180, by Greedy
July 8, 2019 1:34 am ET

Morning health smoothie
Made from elite athlete s poop
You will get the runs
Haiku #65179, by Juice Brenner of Yule Log in terlit
July 8, 2019 1:30 am ET

And I thought if it fucked me in spirit it at least would've had a dick
Haiku #65178, by My Cup Over Floweth of From Had To Use My Mind
July 8, 2019 12:55 am ET

And I thought if it fucked me in spirit it at least would've had a dick
Haiku #65177, by My Cup Over Floweth of From Had To Use My Mind
July 8, 2019 12:54 am ET

People are funny
When they think you aren t looking

They like to jerk off
Haiku #65176, by Peripheral Visionary of Church
July 8, 2019 12:42 am ET

People are funny
When they think you arenâ
Haiku #65175, by Peripheral Visionary of Church
July 8, 2019 12:40 am ET

Are you still twitching?
Thought you had died long ago . . .
you vile piece of filth.
Haiku #65174, by Keep Smilin' for JEEsus of Lamb of God (your maker)
July 7, 2019 10:34 pm ET

Listening to Rush
Rhythmic hockey stick dry hump
Greasy poutine stain
Haiku #65173, by Bugger
July 7, 2019 3:33 pm ET

The Virgin Mary
Identical twin sister
God spaketh: Spread em!
Haiku #65172, by Helen Waite of Answer Desk
July 7, 2019 3:23 pm ET

Listening to Rush.
It's bittersweet and painful.
Picking a deep scab.
Haiku #65171, by Anonymous Poet
July 7, 2019 4:00 am ET

Though I fucked her twice
The bible keeps insisting
Mary's a virgin
Haiku #65170, by I guess anal doesn't count
July 7, 2019 3:57 am ET

I think I'll post that on Facebook.
Haiku #65169, by Anonymous Poet
July 5, 2019 10:00 pm ET

It's fascinating how you can watch your mental state/health decline and do nothing about it except sit back and let yourself be entertained as your life, family, and all you've worked for fall apart and crumble as all things eventually must.
I am jealous of inanimate objects and lower life forms.
Although I understand, but do not condone, those who murder their families, sparing them the pain and misery of the universe.
Myself, I say let the little shits be miserable. They deserve it. They deserve every ice cream cone and amusement park ride that they beg for like lapdogs wanting table scraps. The deserve to go the movies and eat popcorn. They deserve every goddamn torture that society and industry has dreamed up for them. The fattened, lazy lumps, ripe for the slaughter when the alien overlords come down to butcher them for steaks.
Therefore I say unto you: Go forth and fornicate. Multiply. Exponentiate. The gods demand entertainment!

I am, indeed, a banana.
Haiku #65168, by Anonymous Poet
July 5, 2019 9:58 pm ET

On his wedding day
He wore a white tuxedo
Like a huge bunny
Haiku #65167, by True story
July 5, 2019 8:21 am ET

Lettuce prey, hare lip
Why wait until Sunday comes?
Fuck like wild rabbits
Haiku #65166, by Round pellet of Suspicious activity
July 5, 2019 8:19 am ET

The carrots have souls.
Let the rabbits wear glasses.
Give me an "Amen!"
Haiku #65165, by Rev. Maynard
July 5, 2019 7:37 am ET

Brussels sprouts with lightly salted lemon butter and some fresh grated Parmesan cheese and a nice glass of Beaujolais. 2009.
Haiku #65164, by Anonymous Poet
July 5, 2019 6:51 am ET

Don't eat processed food.
Hot dogs are not good for you.
Eat your Brussels sprouts.
Haiku #65163, by God, I hate street lights. of And crosswalks and busses and cars and bridges.
July 5, 2019 6:41 am ET

As you're being chased you have to taunt back at your pursuer, "Ha ha ha! You didn't have time to wipe! Now your undies are all shitty and you'll have to go home and change! Ha ha ha! The more you run, the worse it smears!
And hope that he doesn't have a gun.
Take a video of him chasing you.
Put the whole even on YouTube for the world to see.
Think of the views. You'll be famous.
All for peeing on some guy's shoes. You're welcome.
Haiku #65162, by Anonymous Poet
July 4, 2019 9:47 pm ET

My yellow suede shoes
Used to be my blue suede shoes
Keep away from me
Haiku #65161, by Elvis of On throne in next stall
July 4, 2019 1:07 pm ET

Chased to Hell and back
Jesus tripped over his robe
He came in second
Haiku #65160, by Get it? Blamed it on the Sandals of Second coming
July 4, 2019 1:01 pm ET

Introperverted
All dirty thoughts kept to self
But still a pervert
Haiku #65159, by Pervert
July 4, 2019 12:58 pm ET

Extrovert peeing.
Pee on people's shoes while they
are taking a dump.

Better run quickly.
They'll chase you to hell and back.
Laugh like a madman.
Haiku #65158, by Anonymous Poet
July 4, 2019 4:56 am ET

I don't drink and drive.
I bicycle while tripping.
Chicken with semis.
Haiku #65157, by Anonymous Poet
July 4, 2019 4:26 am ET

Satanic metal.
Not that I'm into Satan.
I'm just a purist.
Haiku #65156, by Anonymous Poet
July 4, 2019 4:24 am ET

Shy urination
Paper bag worn on the head
In the mens restroom
Haiku #65155, by Shy Tinkler of Running
July 4, 2019 4:12 am ET

Shy urination
Paper bag worn on the head
In the menâ
Haiku #65154, by Shy Tinkler of Running
July 4, 2019 4:12 am ET

Attention poets
Have a finger fucking fourth
Please don't drink and drive
Haiku #65153, by I don't drink of Nor do I drive
July 4, 2019 3:05 am ET

Old men screwing whores.
Fat women eating cheesecake.
Junkies aren't so bad.
Haiku #65152, by Anonymous Poet
July 4, 2019 2:47 am ET

Was done on South Park.
Kenny in the bus driver,
Miss Crabtree, I think.

He died up in there.
But, it wasn't really him.
Just some other kid.

He died for our sins.
Well, your sins, that is, not mine.
Now kneel and pray.

Our Kenny, who art in heaven...
Haiku #65151, by Anonymous Poet
July 4, 2019 1:32 am ET

Midget hide and seek
Fat lady of the circus
Someone in her cunt
Haiku #65150, by Olly Olly of Oxenfree
July 3, 2019 11:10 pm ET

Tattoos on his face
Tell the world that he is shit
Thanks for the warning
Haiku #65149, by Anonymous Poet
July 3, 2019 8:42 pm ET

Fifty years ago
Brian Jones drowned on this day
And he is still dead
Haiku #65148, by Fly of Wall
July 3, 2019 6:55 pm ET

Bring out all the tanks
Stuff the big guns with kaka
Now chant: USA
Haiku #65147, by USA USA USA of USA
July 3, 2019 6:52 pm ET

When Facebook shuts down
The only way to fix it
Suck Zuckerberg s dink
Haiku #65146, by Suck that pasty dink of Thank you very much
July 3, 2019 6:50 pm ET

Facebook crashed because
I uploaded a dick pick.
No, seriously.
Haiku #65145, by Anonymous Poet
July 3, 2019 3:30 pm ET

Tremendous parade
But it needs marching midgets
With tremendous dinks
Haiku #65144, by Parade planner of Masturbation kiosk
July 3, 2019 3:27 pm ET

Want to save some souls
in my high holy heaven?
Yes, that's an angel.

The cloud of glory.
Watch now as it falls on you.
Eternity smiles.

That's also the name
of the Lord of Heaven's hosts.
Such a holy God.
Haiku #65143, by Anonymous Poet
July 3, 2019 7:06 am ET

Want to buy some time
on my live rectal webcam?
Yes, that's a penis.

The lens is cloudy.
Watch now as I lick it clean.
One buck per minute.

That's also the price
as well as the rate of bucks.
Such a dirty fag.
Haiku #65142, by Anonymous Poet
July 3, 2019 3:39 am ET

Must be paradise
True longpig on the menu
Save me the sausage
Haiku #65141, by Sausage dink
July 2, 2019 8:59 pm ET

I have tender nips!
Tender, soft, and supple nips.
They're not tough at all.
Haiku #65140, by df
July 2, 2019 8:55 pm ET

Be nice to DF
He has had a tough childhood
Also three nipples
Haiku #65139, by Captain Kirk
July 2, 2019 7:05 pm ET

I am sure that Darth
has seen all there is to see
inside his own ass...
Haiku #65138, by Mediocrity of Infantility
July 2, 2019 12:11 pm ET

Have you ever looked
Way down inside your pee hole
Or down your front butt?
Haiku #65137, by Zip petrodollars of Ungainly glunk
July 2, 2019 11:40 am ET