Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
26 Years, 316 Days and 76709 Haiku later...

When killing someone
Be sure to cut the head off
Before eating it
Haiku # 65190, July 8, 2019 2:43 pm ET
by Have a nice day
When shooting oneself
Make sure the walls are covered
In case blood splatters
Haiku # 65189, July 8, 2019 7:53 am ET
by Be courteous to others
At the Last Supper
Jesus pulled the tablecloth
Oh, what a showman!
Haiku # 65188, July 8, 2019 7:11 am ET
by Doug Henning of High AF
Let's diss Muhammad.
I mean, he fucked little girls.
And quite likely goats.
Haiku # 65187, July 8, 2019 7:11 am ET
by Ooooo, so edgy!
Jesus wiped for thee
Behold the Shroud of Turin
Prototype Charmin
Haiku # 65186, July 8, 2019 2:54 am ET
by Holy Chit of 2ply Heavenly Soft
Those tears that you see
Running down my leg are pee
Holy water s free
Haiku # 65185, July 8, 2019 2:52 am ET
by Laughing Jesus of 1900 DirtyJoke
Cry boo hoo
Says weeping Jesus
We enjoy your tears keep giving us Fame
You're nothing but a fucking lame
Haiku # 65184, July 8, 2019 2:04 am ET
by Jesus Wept of For Me
No virgin I see
Nothing but a crawling whore to us that see.
Don't worry bout him he's with me
Haiku # 65183, July 8, 2019 2:01 am ET
by We get money of U Lose
Put it in your mouth
If you want to kill yourself
Not to your temple
Haiku # 65182, July 8, 2019 1:57 am ET
by Suicide 101
Greatest touch without being there
I felt his presence in the air
Through the mind it was taken there
And burst of pleasure in the air
Virgin twin woah water everywhere
Haiku # 65181, July 8, 2019 1:57 am ET
by How did u do it of Amazing
The only way to do this is to get a new car and then get a new truck and then get a new one for me to go to shop for a new house
Haiku # 65180, July 8, 2019 1:34 am ET
by Greedy
Morning health smoothie
Made from elite athlete s poop
You will get the runs
Haiku # 65179, July 8, 2019 1:30 am ET
by Juice Brenner of Yule Log in terlit
And I thought if it fucked me in spirit it at least would've had a dick
Haiku # 65178, July 8, 2019 12:55 am ET
by My Cup Over Floweth of From Had To Use My Mind
And I thought if it fucked me in spirit it at least would've had a dick
Haiku # 65177, July 8, 2019 12:54 am ET
by My Cup Over Floweth of From Had To Use My Mind
People are funny
When they think you aren t looking

They like to jerk off
Haiku # 65176, July 8, 2019 12:42 am ET
by Peripheral Visionary of Church
People are funny
When they think you arenâ
Haiku # 65175, July 8, 2019 12:40 am ET
by Peripheral Visionary of Church
Are you still twitching?
Thought you had died long ago . . .
you vile piece of filth.
Haiku # 65174, July 7, 2019 10:34 pm ET
by Keep Smilin' for JEEsus of Lamb of God (your maker)
Listening to Rush
Rhythmic hockey stick dry hump
Greasy poutine stain
Haiku # 65173, July 7, 2019 3:33 pm ET
by Bugger
The Virgin Mary
Identical twin sister
God spaketh: Spread em!
Haiku # 65172, July 7, 2019 3:23 pm ET
by Helen Waite of Answer Desk
Listening to Rush.
It's bittersweet and painful.
Picking a deep scab.
Haiku # 65171, July 7, 2019 4:00 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Though I fucked her twice
The bible keeps insisting
Mary's a virgin
Haiku # 65170, July 7, 2019 3:57 am ET
by I guess anal doesn't count
I think I'll post that on Facebook.
Haiku # 65169, July 5, 2019 10:00 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
It's fascinating how you can watch your mental state/health decline and do nothing about it except sit back and let yourself be entertained as your life, family, and all you've worked for fall apart and crumble as all things eventually must.
I am jealous of inanimate objects and lower life forms.
Although I understand, but do not condone, those who murder their families, sparing them the pain and misery of the universe.
Myself, I say let the little shits be miserable. They deserve it. They deserve every ice cream cone and amusement park ride that they beg for like lapdogs wanting table scraps. The deserve to go the movies and eat popcorn. They deserve every goddamn torture that society and industry has dreamed up for them. The fattened, lazy lumps, ripe for the slaughter when the alien overlords come down to butcher them for steaks.
Therefore I say unto you: Go forth and fornicate. Multiply. Exponentiate. The gods demand entertainment!

I am, indeed, a banana.
Haiku # 65168, July 5, 2019 9:58 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
On his wedding day
He wore a white tuxedo
Like a huge bunny
Haiku # 65167, July 5, 2019 8:21 am ET
by True story
Lettuce prey, hare lip
Why wait until Sunday comes?
Fuck like wild rabbits
Haiku # 65166, July 5, 2019 8:19 am ET
by Round pellet of Suspicious activity
The carrots have souls.
Let the rabbits wear glasses.
Give me an "Amen!"
Haiku # 65165, July 5, 2019 7:37 am ET
by Rev. Maynard
Brussels sprouts with lightly salted lemon butter and some fresh grated Parmesan cheese and a nice glass of Beaujolais. 2009.
Haiku # 65164, July 5, 2019 6:51 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Don't eat processed food.
Hot dogs are not good for you.
Eat your Brussels sprouts.
Haiku # 65163, July 5, 2019 6:41 am ET
by God, I hate street lights. of And crosswalks and busses and cars and bridges.
As you're being chased you have to taunt back at your pursuer, "Ha ha ha! You didn't have time to wipe! Now your undies are all shitty and you'll have to go home and change! Ha ha ha! The more you run, the worse it smears!
And hope that he doesn't have a gun.
Take a video of him chasing you.
Put the whole even on YouTube for the world to see.
Think of the views. You'll be famous.
All for peeing on some guy's shoes. You're welcome.
Haiku # 65162, July 4, 2019 9:47 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
My yellow suede shoes
Used to be my blue suede shoes
Keep away from me
Haiku # 65161, July 4, 2019 1:07 pm ET
by Elvis of On throne in next stall
Chased to Hell and back
Jesus tripped over his robe
He came in second
Haiku # 65160, July 4, 2019 1:01 pm ET
by Get it? Blamed it on the Sandals of Second coming
All dirty thoughts kept to self
But still a pervert
Haiku # 65159, July 4, 2019 12:58 pm ET
by Pervert
Extrovert peeing.
Pee on people's shoes while they
are taking a dump.

Better run quickly.
They'll chase you to hell and back.
Laugh like a madman.
Haiku # 65158, July 4, 2019 4:56 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
I don't drink and drive.
I bicycle while tripping.
Chicken with semis.
Haiku # 65157, July 4, 2019 4:26 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Satanic metal.
Not that I'm into Satan.
I'm just a purist.
Haiku # 65156, July 4, 2019 4:24 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Shy urination
Paper bag worn on the head
In the mens restroom
Haiku # 65155, July 4, 2019 4:12 am ET
by Shy Tinkler of Running
Shy urination
Paper bag worn on the head
In the menâ
Haiku # 65154, July 4, 2019 4:12 am ET
by Shy Tinkler of Running
Attention poets
Have a finger fucking fourth
Please don't drink and drive
Haiku # 65153, July 4, 2019 3:05 am ET
by I don't drink of Nor do I drive
Old men screwing whores.
Fat women eating cheesecake.
Junkies aren't so bad.
Haiku # 65152, July 4, 2019 2:47 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Was done on South Park.
Kenny in the bus driver,
Miss Crabtree, I think.

He died up in there.
But, it wasn't really him.
Just some other kid.

He died for our sins.
Well, your sins, that is, not mine.
Now kneel and pray.

Our Kenny, who art in heaven...
Haiku # 65151, July 4, 2019 1:32 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Midget hide and seek
Fat lady of the circus
Someone in her cunt
Haiku # 65150, July 3, 2019 11:10 pm ET
by Olly Olly of Oxenfree
Tattoos on his face
Tell the world that he is shit
Thanks for the warning
Haiku # 65149, July 3, 2019 8:42 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Fifty years ago
Brian Jones drowned on this day
And he is still dead
Haiku # 65148, July 3, 2019 6:55 pm ET
by Fly of Wall
Bring out all the tanks
Stuff the big guns with kaka
Now chant: USA
Haiku # 65147, July 3, 2019 6:52 pm ET
When Facebook shuts down
The only way to fix it
Suck Zuckerberg s dink
Haiku # 65146, July 3, 2019 6:50 pm ET
by Suck that pasty dink of Thank you very much
Facebook crashed because
I uploaded a dick pick.
No, seriously.
Haiku # 65145, July 3, 2019 3:30 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Tremendous parade
But it needs marching midgets
With tremendous dinks
Haiku # 65144, July 3, 2019 3:27 pm ET
by Parade planner of Masturbation kiosk
Want to save some souls
in my high holy heaven?
Yes, that's an angel.

The cloud of glory.
Watch now as it falls on you.
Eternity smiles.

That's also the name
of the Lord of Heaven's hosts.
Such a holy God.
Haiku # 65143, July 3, 2019 7:06 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Must be paradise
True longpig on the menu
Save me the sausage
Haiku # 65141, July 2, 2019 8:59 pm ET
by Sausage dink
I have tender nips!
Tender, soft, and supple nips.
They're not tough at all.
Haiku # 65140, July 2, 2019 8:55 pm ET
by df
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