Everything I touch
From now I will touch nothing
Nothing will touch me

I dreamt of midgets
Woke up with a huge boner
Live, love, and laugh loud

Hang fish on clothesline
I'll sit back with a
40 oz
Watch the seagulls feast

Colonoscopy
While I have your attention
Hear my sales pitch, please

Those Chinese meatballs
Juggling chickens with bound feet
Rice stuck in my teeth

Chinee, Japanee,
Dirty knee --- look at the way
I write great Haiku!

Chinese Factory
Day of Official Laughter
See our Junk! HaHa!

Venezuelan coup:
Petro-dollar-banker's brew;
C.I.A... you too?

Christianity;
The man who invented it
should be crucified.

Cannibalism
is okay, just think of it
as recycling.

The old millionaire
Paid for some moo goo gai pan
Then the cops arrived

Family recipe
The secret ingredient
Granny

Seductive dancing
Overalls with a rope belt
I

That is how they found him
Every inch of his body
Covered with thick shit

Irresistible
What you are, Darth Figpucker.
You are the rum ball!

Gooey, a bit bold..
Not everyone

That

Seriously though, let's talk rum balls again.
With or without
Walnuts? Pecans? Rolled in powdered sugar? A little chocolate powder added? Coconut? Maybe rolled in coconut?
For the sticky ball forming liquid, should it be honey or maple syrup? Or something else.
So many experiments to run.
And what kind of rum and how much?
I've used 151 Bacardi before, but that was a bit too harsh. But it keeps its "kick" more if you want to keep them a while in the fridge or something.
And then, there's the really really important question.... ganja butter or not? I mean. Why not. It makes the flavor kind of grassy, but I like it. Just got to keep them away from the kids, you know... Although, I don't know, do you think my 13yo is old enough for ganja cookies? I think most people would say, sure, what the hell. But you conservative poets... I don't know about you.
Oh, I discovered some magical beans (seeds) that make some really wonderful farts. I don't even know what they are called, but man, will they make you gassy. I will have to find out what they are called. I wonder if they have medicinal properties. I love eating strange plants, hoping it will kill me some day or I'll discover the elixir of life. No luck with either yet.
Okay, toodles! I have work to do...
Yeah, work. Some people still do that, if you can believe it. I mean, Jeez, even Amazon jungle tribes are on FB all Goddamn day these days. World is turning to shit... Uh oh... I'll sign off now. Bye.

I do not talk shit.
But sometimes shit talks to me,
tells me what to say.

I've no choice, you see.
I am just a puppet-tool.
Kind of like Jesus.

I'm a shit fountain!
Shit spews from mouth, pen, anus,
nose, even my dick!

When I fuck cheap whores
I fill their wombs with shit kids
that write shit poems.

Rise, my progeny,
fill book stores and libraries
with your shit poems!

As Luke discovered,
"No, Cuntfart, I'm your father.
Join me blah blah blah."

His anus still speaks.
He still excretes haiku verse.
Behold: Figpucker !

Darth is like that kid
everyone knew in 3rd grade
who talked shit all day...

I just make the poo.
But you must love to eat it.
Why else are you here?

Elephant tusks ride
Hoping for a soft landing
Not in a dung pile

I have four stomachs
According to the mirror
And I'm not a cow

Poop vending machine
Oh, what will they think of next?
Just press number 2

Fire chief in disgrace
Spotty employment record
Screwed the Dalmatian

Correction: domain's
name is Darth likes to eat poop.
His verse bears witness!

Your new domain name:
iliketoeatshit dot com.
It's available.

https://www.name.com/domain/search/iliketoeatpoop

Took three firemen
to remove those old dentures.
Grandma was in bliss.

Remember the time
Grandpa hid Grandma's dentures
In her dried up cunt?

Let's discuss rum balls.
Do you like them with walnuts
or maybe pecans?

I'm thinking of a
tropical theme; chocolate
and coconut flakes.

But then, why not both!
Break out the Captain Morgans!
Some for the rum balls.

And then some for me.
Then a little more for me.
Oh, fuck the rum balls.

This always happens.
Good intentions turn to shit.
And a hangover.

While you were sleeping
I gently removed the cash
You'll never catch me

I am quite certain
There is little room for doubt
I would bet money on it

He's locked and loaded
Father is irritable
Constipated Man

What ya waiting for?
Come on and join the circus
Here, hold my pythons

Prosthetic rear end
God played a cruel joke on you
Put the ass in front

Shitting coffee beans
Reasonable facsimile
I'm Mr. Coffee

Practice makes perfect
Impromptu knife throwing act
More marriage counseling?

Don't do drugs young fools
Don't give the devil money
And walk into hell

I should go practice
But I'm a lazy devil
And losing power

All compound things
Are subject to destruction
And that includes me

head of the household
Human farting machine gun
He's locked and loaded

You got high on meth
My methane is high octane
Flavour of poon tang

Demon-possessed gnomes
are nowhere near as bad as
gnome-possessed demons.

Just think about it.
Demons with gnomes up their ass
controlled from within.

That's downright scary.
I wouldn't want to fight one.
Not even on meth.

On your Judgement Day
may you behold your haiku
and have to smell it !

You have been followed
Demonically possessed gnomes
Try to remain calm

Inevitable
It's the Law of Attraction
Pulls you to the stench

Edge of a high cliff
Plenty have flung themselves off
I come here to fart

Sneaky little fart
My moist methane messenger
I'm locked and loaded

Answer obvious
Good old Cuntfart Cuntfart Cunt
Udderly smelly

Huge methane release.
Containing toxic gasses.
Philippines deadly.

Scientists baffled.
Source still unidentified.
Millions have perished.

Disgusted with the food here
Half raw fish and it looks like puke