BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years
67 Days
69681 Haikus
Brittle toe nails.
Like an old hag casting spells.
But I've no magic.
Haiku #59988, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 10, 2018 7:17 pm ET

Restrung my guitar
Ate British savory pie
Down on my knees now
Haiku #59987, by Praying
October 10, 2018 5:39 pm ET

You must (must!) be saved
but the weird thing about it,
your own will: useless
Haiku #59986, by the stench of it all was getting to me
October 10, 2018 4:39 pm ET

Bare Necessities
Will need G-string and pasties
Then go to the bank
Haiku #59985, by Starkitten of A bit nippy
October 10, 2018 4:19 pm ET

Donna Godchaux's voice
Proven to cause brain damage
Tune out. Take Tylenol
Haiku #59984, by Deadhead
October 10, 2018 3:47 pm ET

According to the
DEA the Grateful Dead

Cover for the sale
Distribution LSD
Bunch of silly squares
Haiku #59983, by Hipster of Starbucks
October 10, 2018 2:29 pm ET

Vegan Parmesan
Try Parma! Original
Starkitten Approved
Haiku #59982, by Starkitten
October 10, 2018 2:15 pm ET

Ain't no Peter Popoff
He sent me mystery oil
Like GG Allin
Haiku #59981, by Post Office of Sealed for your Protection
October 10, 2018 2:12 pm ET

Solved your worm problem
Telepathy and Magnets
Anal Exodus

Be near a latrine
There may be some slight cramping
Noticed you have crabs
Haiku #59980, by Doctor Haikuna Matata of Village of the Ashes
October 10, 2018 2:02 pm ET

celestial glories
eternal transcendental
God alone: holy
Haiku #59979, by multiple faces of the cherubim
October 10, 2018 12:50 pm ET

That's a three way bulb
Much safer than candlesticks
Haiku #59978, by Anonymous Poet
October 10, 2018 11:11 am ET

I am perverted
Everything is terrible
Insert gross action
Haiku #59977, by DARTH PIGTICKLER of Inserting Lightbulb Somewhere
October 10, 2018 11:06 am ET

Dude, that Figpucker
has a cesspool for a mind
so, I'm out of here
Haiku #59976, by To be carnally minded is DEATH
October 10, 2018 8:21 am ET

Oh sir voodoo man,
please charm the worms from my gut.
Damn shithole countries.
Haiku #59975, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 10, 2018 5:14 am ET

I had a vision.
Plumber voodoo snake charmer.
Voo doo-doo be gone.

Flute made of pure lead.
Ass crack profoundly displayed.
Red dot on forehead.
Haiku #59974, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 10, 2018 5:13 am ET

Much like this website,
I've picked up a parasite.
Haiku #59973, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 10, 2018 5:09 am ET

Sneak up plumbers
Dildo Ambush from behind
Toilet snake appears
Haiku #59972, by Bob Villa
October 10, 2018 3:39 am ET

One day you'll own it
Do they provide galoshes?
Why not show your junk?
Haiku #59971, by Anonymous Poet
October 10, 2018 3:30 am ET

Roughly mopping floors.
My porno theater job.
Hey, it pays the bills.
Haiku #59970, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 10, 2018 3:23 am ET

Looked under the sink
Dr. Bronner's. You wrote that!?
We're All One Or None!!
Haiku #59969, by Starkitten of Far Out
October 10, 2018 3:23 am ET

My fave sex toy is
the inflatable T-Rex
with her battle scars.
Haiku #59968, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 10, 2018 3:22 am ET

Look under the sink.
There you'll find my poetry.
Counter's bottom side.

It is not easy.
I lay down on dirty floors.
Writing where none see.
Haiku #59967, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 10, 2018 3:18 am ET

Gently mopping floors
Listening to swing music
Please don't ask me why
Haiku #59966, by Man With Paper Bag On His Head
October 10, 2018 3:07 am ET

10 holes to choose from
They all smell bad but stuff your
Fingers inside them
Haiku #59965, by Nathan's Rubber Gloves of (Nathan Forgot His Rubber Gloves)
October 10, 2018 3:05 am ET

Waiting turns me on
That's called autoerotic
Haiku #59964, by Sparklepony, MD
October 10, 2018 3:03 am ET

Yeah I need this place
Same way I need a shotgun
Blast straight to my face

I pack coffee shops
Where hipsters line up to hear
Me lay down haikus
Haiku #59963, by Tony Clifton, Jr. of Las Vegas
October 10, 2018 2:53 am ET

*gruff voice*

Hey vhs it's too hot/gross here
So I quit and I'm taking my rubber
Gloves with me
Haiku #59962, by Nathan of at home watching re-runs of I Love Lucy while eating chicken pot pie
October 10, 2018 2:49 am ET

Genesis 6:6.
My favorite Bible verse.
Perhaps a tattoo.
Haiku #59961, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 9, 2018 11:37 pm ET

Have you not lost faith?
In humanity, not God.
There's no hope for us.
Haiku #59960, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 9, 2018 11:36 pm ET

That's because we're friends
It's like you are the bartender
I drink sparkling water
Haiku #59959, by Starkitten
October 9, 2018 11:19 pm ET

you respond, and i
am not ignored, i respond
i am tempted to

move on but check in
i see another post i
end up posting back
Haiku #59958, by vhs
October 9, 2018 11:14 pm ET

Hula Hula Shake!
Grass skirt caught in lawnmower
It was a close shave
Haiku #59957, by Starkitten of Hawaii
October 9, 2018 9:37 pm ET

I wrap my hamsters
with duct tape so that they do
not explode when fucked.
Haiku #59956, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 9, 2018 9:08 pm ET

You should not complain
about political chat
When vogons are near.
Haiku #59955, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 9, 2018 9:05 pm ET

My enormous cock
will not fit in your small twat;
let's try your asshole.

Feeling romantic
I say to my pet hamsters
bound with gray duct tape.
Haiku #59954, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 9, 2018 9:02 pm ET

shut up about the
fucking politics, whether
screaming democrats

or old lady Rep
yacking about nutcase libs
I am The Doctor

If I must release
the Big Red Box, then you know
how Gallifrey

Haiku #59953, by vhs
October 9, 2018 8:20 pm ET

VHS Haiku
Tracked number. Says delivered.
I will keep checking
Haiku #59952, by Anonymous Poet
October 9, 2018 5:44 pm ET

Human Pyramid
Entertainment! Second Ring!
Top clown has the runs!!
Haiku #59951, by Pyramid Scheme of Trickle Down Economics
October 9, 2018 5:18 pm ET

Constipated Clown
Misfortune of the Bowels
The show must go on
Haiku #59950, by Anonymous Poet
October 9, 2018 2:53 pm ET

Most birds don't like us
If you subtract bread crust, seeds
They downright hate us!
Haiku #59949, by Birdwatcher of Pacific Northwest
October 9, 2018 2:42 pm ET

god damn vogons
Haiku #59948, by vhs
October 9, 2018 8:44 am ET

Speaking of feces,
South Park this Wednesday features
Mr. Hankey the

Christmas Poo. Don't miss
it -- it's a new episode.
You smell like flowers!
Haiku #59947, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 9, 2018 3:56 am ET

It would not have sunk
It would certainly have stunk.
Don't sleep with a skunk.
Haiku #59946, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 9, 2018 3:51 am ET

I'm so confused now
Dinosaurs would sink the ark
It gives me the creeps
Haiku #59945, by Confused
October 9, 2018 3:44 am ET

What about poop?
Mentioned in the Bible?
The ark would have sunk
Haiku #59944, by Anonymous Poet
October 9, 2018 3:26 am ET

izin betweeeeen
the sheets.

Diarrhea bomb pop frozen treats for flies on a hot summer's day.
Haiku #59943, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 9, 2018 1:01 am ET

Flatulence is gas
Fecal matter is solid
What is in between?
Haiku #59942, by Science Kid
October 9, 2018 12:00 am ET

Ring bell for service
Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding
Ding ding ding ding ding
Haiku #59941, by Ding Dong
October 8, 2018 11:58 pm ET

I fought the Devil.
That was a long time ago.
Now we are best friends.

Sometimes he pays me.
It's contract labor, you see.
He buys my poems.

My work's quite famous
down in the fiery pits.
Torturing sinners.
Haiku #59940, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 8, 2018 11:46 pm ET

Wearing pantyhose
Over your head. Sniff sniff sniff
Clear the sinuses
Haiku #59939, by Dr. Oz of At the Landfill tossing my Neti Pot
October 8, 2018 11:18 pm ET