BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
23 Years
346 Days
and
68480 Haikus
later...
Married on Monday
Newbie groom hid in bathroom
But his goose was cooked
Haiku #59622, by First Ever Meatless Monday
September 24, 2018 1:23 am ET

Kapre...Big Galoot
21 Balut Salute
Big Hairy skin flute
Haiku #59621, by King Kong
September 24, 2018 1:06 am ET

Haven't been caught yet
Creeping around his back stairs
Starkitten Lightfoot
Haiku #59620, by Starkitten of Rainy Day People of f Pacific Northwest
September 23, 2018 10:44 pm ET

Fuck the stupid birds
We are going to eat them
They are gods mistake
Haiku #59619, by Braedon of Ontario canada
September 23, 2018 10:04 pm ET

Bad Haikufucius
He who meditate in john
Have shitty outlook
Haiku #59618, by Starkitten
September 23, 2018 8:59 pm ET

And chops off the cock
of Starkitten the Noisy,
Destroyer of Words.
Haiku #59617, by
September 23, 2018 8:49 pm ET

Ooooo, I love that book!
Conan the librarian!
She conquers ten books!
Haiku #59616, by
September 23, 2018 8:44 pm ET

Library so quiet
All patrons are behaving
You can hear pin drop
Haiku #59615, by Starkitten Librarian
September 23, 2018 8:24 pm ET

If your cock falls off
and no feminists hear it
did it sill fall off?
Haiku #59614, by
September 23, 2018 8:19 pm ET

Gems sparkle at night
Some gems are worthless garbage
Some gems are dumb glass
Haiku #59613, by Secret Poetess of Painting
September 23, 2018 7:50 pm ET

Long Pig food kiosk.
Cloned human flesh at low price!
Penis on a stick.
Haiku #59612, by Spider Jerusalem
September 23, 2018 7:48 pm ET

Boat rocks under me
Waves hit the land: tsunami !
Nice sea-shells on shore
Haiku #59611, by Secret Poetess of collecting gems
September 23, 2018 7:46 pm ET

Thai food is the best.
Filippino food sucks ass.
Balut eggs are gross!
Haiku #59610, by
September 23, 2018 7:44 pm ET

I shouldn't ask this.
Is it wrong to eat children?
So fat and juicy.
Haiku #59609, by
September 23, 2018 7:42 pm ET

Asian food is bad
I don't like egg in my food
Disgusting raw fish
Haiku #59608, by Secret Poetess of Asian Food
September 23, 2018 7:42 pm ET

He got an implant.
Penis version two point oh.
Comes with Windows 10.
Haiku #59607, by
September 23, 2018 7:41 pm ET

Mooncakes taste so good
They are full of nasty eggs
Lava-lamp feel hot
Haiku #59606, by the rising of the moon, autumn is here
September 23, 2018 7:38 pm ET

Broke the piñata
With his "Louisville Slugger"
Werthers Avalanche!
Haiku #59605, by Starkitten
September 23, 2018 7:29 pm ET

But "they" weren't hiding.
Grandpa was the one hiding.
With a big boner.

In addition they
also gave him three hookers
and 10 grams of coke.

He used to smoke crack.
But that was back in the day.
Now it was plain coke.

How can hillbillies
afford to buy so much coke?
That's a good question.
Haiku #59604, by
September 23, 2018 6:36 pm ET

The perfect surprise
When they came out of hiding
"Happy Birthday, Gramps!"
Haiku #59603, by Starkitten of Portraits of Autumn
September 23, 2018 3:26 pm ET

He climbed down into
the outhouse shithole so he
could see vagina.
Haiku #59602, by
September 23, 2018 2:59 pm ET

Grandpa Ciderpants
Pressed for time. He's all business.
Sprint to the outhouse.
Haiku #59601, by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest U pick Turd Orchard
September 23, 2018 2:04 pm ET

That's not good for you.
You might catch H I Voo Doo.
Or the blue waffles.
Haiku #59600, by Anonymous Poet
September 23, 2018 10:15 am ET

Do not write haiku.
You'll become gay if you do.
Then you might pound poo.
Haiku #59599, by df
September 23, 2018 10:12 am ET

Confabulation?
It's an abombination:
Infibulation.
Haiku #59598, by naming enemy, you cause power of enemy to weaken
September 22, 2018 9:25 pm ET

I got angry enough
to turn this off one time
and watch something die

I would let it die
and let it go, just spasm
a few more times then
Haiku #59597, by vhs
September 22, 2018 8:15 pm ET

look, I'm busy in
real life, I'm not as old as
you with the time there

if you keep it up
I might quite altogether
say fuck it and out

of real life fear just
delete everything and
break my laptop here

or annoyance I'm not sure
Haiku #59596, by vhs
September 22, 2018 8:12 pm ET

NOTEBOOK PAPER (SLAM!!)
WRITE SOME COCK A DOODY HAIKU
YOU DIRTY BIRDIES!!
Haiku #59595, by Pig biting mad of 2nd location I'm kidnapping you to
September 22, 2018 8:04 pm ET

Quiet as Jonestown here
A sea of tossed plastic cups
Drank Bad Haikul-Aid?
Haiku #59594, by Starkitten and John Boy Walton's Mole of Reporting Live
September 22, 2018 7:50 pm ET

I figured it out
You have to sit still longer
To write the poems
Haiku #59593, by Starkitten
September 22, 2018 7:10 pm ET

Haiku good for Earth
Less trees wasted on poems
More toilet paper
Haiku #59592, by Starkitten
September 22, 2018 7:01 pm ET

Bad Haiku like farts.
Essential. Pure Distilled oil.
Poem: Toilet coil
Haiku #59591, by JBWM
September 22, 2018 6:56 pm ET

Used to date poet
Tried to kill himself with pills
He had tiny feet
Haiku #59590, by Anonymous Poet
September 22, 2018 5:51 pm ET

What, no poets here?
You ALL fail to pass the test.
Haiku fails you now.
Haiku #59589, by failing to shine, you prove you are of the Darkness.
September 22, 2018 3:39 pm ET

Now, back to those clits:
Crying out for their owners
in Somalia . . .
Haiku #59588, by excising the clit, you make a poor argument of Islam
September 22, 2018 2:24 pm ET

I am sick of sex
(not the deed--but as Haiku).
I want POETRY!
Haiku #59587, by visiting my blog you will partake of poetry: www.connecthook
September 22, 2018 2:20 pm ET

We're true gentlemen
Just look at Mr. Seahorse!
Carrying babies
Haiku #59586, by Henry the Octopus formerly known as Ten Penny Henry the Octopus before he gave his mummified Penis to his wife for a Christmas P of Under the Sea
September 22, 2018 1:04 pm ET

Mummified Penis
Reminds me of O. Henry
Gift of the Magi

She kept it secret
Had her cunt sewed shut for you
...something's in my eye
Haiku #59585, by Starkitten 2nd box of Kleenex from crying over heartwarming holiday story of Ten Penny Henry on his 4th box of Kleenex for spooge
September 22, 2018 12:48 pm ET

Octopus Garden
Undersea.. um.. " Shrivelry "
To the Bathysphere!!
Haiku #59584, by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest
September 22, 2018 12:29 pm ET

Male octopi
will give their penis to their
mate for sex and snack.

I'd like to do that.
Would beat dealing with my wife.
Thinking about it.

Should I mummify
my shlong and present it as
a holiday gift?

And Van Gogh thought he
was so fucking romantic.
I think cocks beat ears.
Haiku #59583, by Darth Figpucker
September 22, 2018 6:06 am ET

Question for the boys
When an Octopus jerks off
Grab dink with 8 arms?
Haiku #59582, by Starkitten of Cloud 9
September 21, 2018 11:45 pm ET

Bring your French Tickler
I'll be waiting at airport
Captain Feathersword
Haiku #59581, by Starkitten
September 21, 2018 11:41 pm ET

Henry Octopus
Fruit Salad..Mashed banana
Cephalopod Porn
Haiku #59580, by Starkitten of On top and Down Under
September 21, 2018 11:39 pm ET

The Church, The Wiggles
Two great bands from Down Under
Nudge Nudge and wink wink
Haiku #59579, by Starkitten
September 21, 2018 11:37 pm ET

Your Haiku is large
Try low mileage vaginas
Ask for Starkitten
Haiku #59578, by Pacific Northwest Low Mileage Vaginas of Under the Milky Way Tonight
September 21, 2018 11:34 pm ET

Harrumph to you, good sir!
Harrumph, I say!
Haiku #59577, by Darth Figpucker, Esq.
September 21, 2018 11:23 pm ET

You should not sniff ass.
It is disgusting and wrong.
That is what dogs do.
Haiku #59576, by df
September 21, 2018 10:56 pm ET

I must hypothesize that Don Hertzfeldt's spoon and banana were symbols of a penis and vagina. Though no one would typically eat a banana with a spoon unless the banana was in cereal or perhaps mashed into some kind of dessert but I have heard sex referred to as "mashing" that pussy, so maybe the mashed banana was referring to a vagina needing to be mashed by a large penis.

My spoon is too big. My spoon is too big. My spoon is too big.
You can feel the frustration of having a penis that is too large and no woman would want it.
But then along comes the giant walking banana.
I am a banana.
And everything is set right with the world. The giant walking banana can be mashed and eaten by the giant spoon. Or the enormous gaping snatch finally finds a penis worthy of its incredibly wide diameter.
Haiku #59575, by df
September 21, 2018 10:55 pm ET

Our library card?
Why, yes. It's pink and quite hard
I'll check your pocket
Haiku #59574, by Starkitten Very helpful librarian
September 21, 2018 8:48 pm ET

Starkitten Movie
Starring James Caannilingus
Cumming soon near you!
Haiku #59573, by Starkitten of Director's Chair
September 21, 2018 8:43 pm ET