Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years, 339 Days and 72781 Haikus later...

Easy solution.
Just pour table salt on it
Like a garden slug
Haiku # 59080, September 4, 2018 12:25 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Penis Haters
Facebook. Disturbing.
Pics sent to friend by stranger.
Dick next to beer can
Haiku # 59079, September 4, 2018 12:23 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Discount Beverage
Hello, Zoo Monkey?
You got the job.Start Wednesday.
Bring that used dildo.

We provide your lunch.
Zoo visitors buy your treats
Please have a clean ass
Haiku # 59078, September 4, 2018 12:19 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Employment Agency
What is the most disturbing thing you have seen on Facebook?
Haiku # 59077, September 4, 2018 7:22 am ET
by
I promise I won't throw my poo this time.
Please remove the restraints.
Well, fuck you then, buddy!
Haiku # 59076, September 4, 2018 7:21 am ET
by
I'd like to get a job where I just sit around playing with myself all day long. I would lounge around behind a 2 way mirror. People could take pictures of me. Kind of like a zoo monkey. I mean, why not? Call it performance art or something. Get a government grant.
Haiku # 59075, September 4, 2018 7:19 am ET
by
Dumpster dive a gourmet meal.
Find an old wallet filled with cash.
And a slightly used ipod.
Brand new shoes.
And a dildo.
But the dildo was used, I'm pretty sure.
Haiku # 59074, September 4, 2018 7:15 am ET
by
Goddamn... I have work to do and I don't want to do any of it... I just want to quit and live out of dumpsters. In the US that's not a problem... I don't recommend it in a 3rd world country.
Haiku # 59073, September 4, 2018 7:13 am ET
by
Why can't women poop alone?
I mean, why is that?
Haiku # 59072, September 4, 2018 7:11 am ET
by
I've seen a lot about eating bugs lately. Funny that I just got back from the land of bug eaters. Yes they are high in protein, but to make them taste good requires a lot of salt. High blood pressure results. I'll pass on the MSG grasshoppers. Popcorn is fine.
Haiku # 59071, September 4, 2018 7:09 am ET
by
My wife is drinking.
I hope that she passes out.
I'll fuck her cute friend.
Haiku # 59070, September 4, 2018 7:06 am ET
by
Poop poop poop poop poop.
Poop poop poop poop poop poop poop.
Poop poop poop poop poop.
Haiku # 59069, September 4, 2018 7:05 am ET
by Beavis
It's not about length
Freud spoke of "Haiku Envy"
A matter of depth
Haiku # 59068, September 4, 2018 1:13 am ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Egotists
Tell me what you think?
Statute of limitations
For the rock throwing?
Haiku # 59067, September 4, 2018 12:44 am ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest...He should turn himself in
Not As The World Turns
Sing: Since the world was turning
The Piano Man
Haiku # 59066, September 3, 2018 10:26 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest
Remember he sang:
I am an innocent man
O yes I am. See?
Haiku # 59065, September 3, 2018 10:23 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Justice Project "He didn't start the fire. It was always burning.
And for the record
Billy Joel..Not an arsonist
Threw Rocks. Glass Houses
Haiku # 59064, September 3, 2018 9:18 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest
Have a piano
Fall on your head from rooftop?
Song stuck on the brain.
Haiku # 59063, September 3, 2018 8:11 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Haiku Lone Wolf
i have had enough of you
I'm not posting here anymore
Haiku # 59062, September 3, 2018 7:16 pm ET
by vhs
Smelly fur taco
Passed Madonna's son Rocco
Still like a virgin
Haiku # 59061, September 3, 2018 3:34 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Obstetrics & Groinocology
Nelly Furtado
Just pooped on your windshield, sir.
Then she flew away
Haiku # 59060, September 3, 2018 2:15 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Birdwatchers
poetry is dead
Haiku # 59059, September 3, 2018 9:08 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
All poets should die!!!...

I mean DYE... their hair.
Bright rainbow colors,
get drunk and pass out
flowers to strangers on street corners
THEN KILL THEM... selves.
Haiku # 59058, September 3, 2018 6:50 am ET
by
First, Robert Furman discovered that he hated poetry. In the midst of writing a poem he suddenly realized that there was not a single pursuit he could think of that was so trivial, so superfluous to living.

He was in an academic setting, of course, and that could have been part of the problem. Here poetry was published in slim, arch magazines and read by perhaps twenty-five people who published in the same journals. But it was not just the elitism that troubled Furman. He realized, in the midst of composition, that he could attach any adjective to any noun (the "arbitrary teapot" or the "truculent rose," for instance) and then cobble up some sort of meaning to suit the phrase. There seemed something despicable in this wordplay, a kind of intellectual self-abuse.

Perhaps, he thought, it was only his own poetry that he despised. But no, he discovered that he hated the poetry of all his peers, and, incredibly, all poetry ever written. Behind every poem there seemed to crouch an immensely self-involved ego, the sort of man or woman who would let the infant cry in its cradle while seeking just the right nuance of tone and cadence. The people who wrote poetry were to be avoided as were the poems that emanated from them like methane gas seeping from a swamp.

Excerpt from Zod Wallop by William Browning Spencer
Haiku # 59057, September 3, 2018 6:48 am ET
by
If all poets died,
the world would be a nice place.
--Edgar Allen Poe
Haiku # 59056, September 3, 2018 6:45 am ET
by
Sing along now folks
Haiku Killer, Qu'est-ce que c'est?
Run,run,run away...
Haiku # 59055, September 3, 2018 12:00 am ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest
Try Jim Jones Soda
Tastes like Kool-Aid, Neon Blue
Toxic, just like you.
Haiku # 59054, September 2, 2018 9:23 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Discount Beverage
1 ply roll wears thin
Ditto says the headless twin
Your thunder's just farts
Haiku # 59053, September 2, 2018 9:15 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Gastroenterology
Starkitten's excess:
wipe the Haiku from your ass
then take a shower.
Haiku # 59052, September 2, 2018 5:24 pm ET
by Hygienic Roll of Thunder
Upon reading John
Densmore's story of the Doors:
Jim was not so bright.
Haiku # 59051, September 2, 2018 5:17 pm ET
by Superficial Sixties of San Fran Freako
sun is now shining
fragrance of ground coffee beans
day's light has begun
Haiku # 59050, September 2, 2018 4:15 pm ET
by chimneyplant of Montreal
Just letting you know
Can stop the poetry flow
HAIKUVIUS, BLOW!
Haiku # 59049, September 2, 2018 3:25 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Craters
Vegan Brady Bunch
Carrot Top fucking Alice
With Huge Cucumber
Haiku # 59048, September 2, 2018 3:18 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Farmers Market
Put some clothes on, Dude!
Segway. Bill Gates just whizzed by.
Microsoft indeed
Haiku # 59047, September 2, 2018 2:39 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest
Strangle Tiny Tim
Pull out some Dickens tonight
Ebeneezer Spooge?
Haiku # 59046, September 2, 2018 2:20 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Teacher Librarians
Number2vius
Active toilet volcano!
Real pain in the "ash"
Haiku # 59045, September 2, 2018 2:02 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Restroom Attendant
The floor is lava.
Yes, shit just got real for you.
Toilet overflow

.
Haiku # 59044, September 2, 2018 1:45 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Artisan Toilets
Fuck that Tsunami!
Play Naked Origami
I will enfold you
Haiku # 59043, September 2, 2018 1:44 am ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Arts and Crafts
Starbucks in Japan
Serves a special Blonde Roast Brew
Urine made by you.
Haiku # 59042, September 2, 2018 1:28 am ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Haiku Hut
Lindsey Buckingham
Takes sugar in his coffee
He hates Stevia.
Haiku # 59041, September 2, 2018 1:21 am ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest It's Complicated
we had game boy they
have apple watch and samsung...
wait i have...samsung...
Haiku # 59040, September 2, 2018 12:40 am ET
by vhs
jones soda had the
birthday cake flavor now blow
out your soda pop
Haiku # 59039, September 2, 2018 12:39 am ET
by vhs
i want 2 be all
sirius but i just kant
r u sirius??
Haiku # 59038, September 2, 2018 12:37 am ET
by vhs of the end is at hand??
my body is a
done aching and my time is
at hand...i will know
Haiku # 59037, September 2, 2018 12:36 am ET
by vhs
it keeps you running
yes it keeps you running, ask
micheal mcdonnell
Haiku # 59036, September 2, 2018 12:34 am ET
by vhs of i never left
German Gatorade
Yucky flavors,won't quench thirst.
Tried Blue Liverwurst?
Haiku # 59035, September 2, 2018 12:33 am ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Beverage Supply
Need a Handyman?
Call James Taylor. He'll come
A-running to you.
Haiku # 59034, September 2, 2018 12:20 am ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Lite Rock
what i hate about
this era is amazon
is not cool face to

face small record book
coffee shop music store type
hipster mesto, oh

my brothers
Haiku # 59033, September 2, 2018 12:10 am ET
by vhs
gatorade, just a
bottle of gatorade lay next
to myself in bed
Haiku # 59032, September 1, 2018 11:59 pm ET
by vhs
the guy in repo
was the same guy in buffy
mister repo that

is...wheres buffy when you need her
Haiku # 59031, September 1, 2018 11:58 pm ET
by vhs
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