Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years, 339 Days and 72781 Haikus later...

Nelly Furtado
Just pooped on your windshield, sir.
Then she flew away
Haiku # 59060, September 3, 2018 2:15 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Birdwatchers
poetry is dead
Haiku # 59059, September 3, 2018 9:08 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
All poets should die!!!...

I mean DYE... their hair.
Bright rainbow colors,
get drunk and pass out
flowers to strangers on street corners
THEN KILL THEM... selves.
Haiku # 59058, September 3, 2018 6:50 am ET
First, Robert Furman discovered that he hated poetry. In the midst of writing a poem he suddenly realized that there was not a single pursuit he could think of that was so trivial, so superfluous to living.

He was in an academic setting, of course, and that could have been part of the problem. Here poetry was published in slim, arch magazines and read by perhaps twenty-five people who published in the same journals. But it was not just the elitism that troubled Furman. He realized, in the midst of composition, that he could attach any adjective to any noun (the "arbitrary teapot" or the "truculent rose," for instance) and then cobble up some sort of meaning to suit the phrase. There seemed something despicable in this wordplay, a kind of intellectual self-abuse.

Perhaps, he thought, it was only his own poetry that he despised. But no, he discovered that he hated the poetry of all his peers, and, incredibly, all poetry ever written. Behind every poem there seemed to crouch an immensely self-involved ego, the sort of man or woman who would let the infant cry in its cradle while seeking just the right nuance of tone and cadence. The people who wrote poetry were to be avoided as were the poems that emanated from them like methane gas seeping from a swamp.

Excerpt from Zod Wallop by William Browning Spencer
Haiku # 59057, September 3, 2018 6:48 am ET
If all poets died,
the world would be a nice place.
--Edgar Allen Poe
Haiku # 59056, September 3, 2018 6:45 am ET
Sing along now folks
Haiku Killer, Qu'est-ce que c'est?
Run,run,run away...
Haiku # 59055, September 3, 2018 12:00 am ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest
Try Jim Jones Soda
Tastes like Kool-Aid, Neon Blue
Toxic, just like you.
Haiku # 59054, September 2, 2018 9:23 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Discount Beverage
1 ply roll wears thin
Ditto says the headless twin
Your thunder's just farts
Haiku # 59053, September 2, 2018 9:15 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Gastroenterology
Starkitten's excess:
wipe the Haiku from your ass
then take a shower.
Haiku # 59052, September 2, 2018 5:24 pm ET
by Hygienic Roll of Thunder
Upon reading John
Densmore's story of the Doors:
Jim was not so bright.
Haiku # 59051, September 2, 2018 5:17 pm ET
by Superficial Sixties of San Fran Freako
sun is now shining
fragrance of ground coffee beans
day's light has begun
Haiku # 59050, September 2, 2018 4:15 pm ET
by chimneyplant of Montreal
Just letting you know
Can stop the poetry flow
Haiku # 59049, September 2, 2018 3:25 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Craters
Vegan Brady Bunch
Carrot Top fucking Alice
With Huge Cucumber
Haiku # 59048, September 2, 2018 3:18 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Farmers Market
Put some clothes on, Dude!
Segway. Bill Gates just whizzed by.
Microsoft indeed
Haiku # 59047, September 2, 2018 2:39 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest
Strangle Tiny Tim
Pull out some Dickens tonight
Ebeneezer Spooge?
Haiku # 59046, September 2, 2018 2:20 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Teacher Librarians
Active toilet volcano!
Real pain in the "ash"
Haiku # 59045, September 2, 2018 2:02 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Restroom Attendant
The floor is lava.
Yes, shit just got real for you.
Toilet overflow

Haiku # 59044, September 2, 2018 1:45 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Artisan Toilets
Fuck that Tsunami!
Play Naked Origami
I will enfold you
Haiku # 59043, September 2, 2018 1:44 am ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Arts and Crafts
Starbucks in Japan
Serves a special Blonde Roast Brew
Urine made by you.
Haiku # 59042, September 2, 2018 1:28 am ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Haiku Hut
Lindsey Buckingham
Takes sugar in his coffee
He hates Stevia.
Haiku # 59041, September 2, 2018 1:21 am ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest It's Complicated
we had game boy they
have apple watch and samsung...
wait i
Haiku # 59040, September 2, 2018 12:40 am ET
by vhs
jones soda had the
birthday cake flavor now blow
out your soda pop
Haiku # 59039, September 2, 2018 12:39 am ET
by vhs
i want 2 be all
sirius but i just kant
r u sirius??
Haiku # 59038, September 2, 2018 12:37 am ET
by vhs of the end is at hand??
my body is a
done aching and my time is
at hand...i will know
Haiku # 59037, September 2, 2018 12:36 am ET
by vhs
it keeps you running
yes it keeps you running, ask
micheal mcdonnell
Haiku # 59036, September 2, 2018 12:34 am ET
by vhs of i never left
German Gatorade
Yucky flavors,won't quench thirst.
Tried Blue Liverwurst?
Haiku # 59035, September 2, 2018 12:33 am ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Beverage Supply
Need a Handyman?
Call James Taylor. He'll come
A-running to you.
Haiku # 59034, September 2, 2018 12:20 am ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Lite Rock
what i hate about
this era is amazon
is not cool face to

face small record book
coffee shop music store type
hipster mesto, oh

my brothers
Haiku # 59033, September 2, 2018 12:10 am ET
by vhs
gatorade, just a
bottle of gatorade lay next
to myself in bed
Haiku # 59032, September 1, 2018 11:59 pm ET
by vhs
the guy in repo
was the same guy in buffy
mister repo that

is...wheres buffy when you need her
Haiku # 59031, September 1, 2018 11:58 pm ET
by vhs
i can't say i can
be single, much worse in fact

sucked within myself
Haiku # 59030, September 1, 2018 11:36 pm ET
by vhs
glasses, went from
drink to on my face egg nog don't
fail me on return
Haiku # 59029, September 1, 2018 11:34 pm ET
by vhs
something to do with
spritual warfare and its
wriiten by some guy named karl
Haiku # 59028, September 1, 2018 11:30 pm ET
by vhs
watched repo the genetic opera
weird fucking movie tonight
i wish id seen it sooner
sarah brightmann paris hilton
Haiku # 59027, September 1, 2018 11:28 pm ET
by vhs of illuminati vs opera rock show
KFC Restroom
Seen the ghost of the Colonel
Beside the urinal.
Haiku # 59026, September 1, 2018 11:00 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Director, Poultrygeist, The Movie
Johnny Appleseed.
What if he had planted weed?
Pass the Funyuns, please.
Haiku # 59025, September 1, 2018 10:56 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Just one toke over the line
Asking for your wife.
How'd you grow your dick SO BIG?
Transplant. Neighbor's pig.

One more question, please?
Did it come with balls attached?
Eggs from hen, un-hatched

Best toy since Yo Yo
Here, I'll show you...Wait!..(clucking)
Choking the Chicken.
Haiku # 59024, September 1, 2018 10:36 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Fun & Games
Disco Inferno!
Spontaneous Combustion
You scorched the dance floor!!
Haiku # 59023, September 1, 2018 9:38 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Vintage Boogie Shoes
Avocado Toast?
Deconstructed Stew? No thanks.
I'll have Bad Haiku.
Haiku # 59022, September 1, 2018 9:05 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Hipster Diner
Dude, Nativity...
Was Joseph Mary's FWB?
Or maybe God was?
Haiku # 59021, September 1, 2018 8:59 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Magic 8 Ball
Yo, Darthfigpucker
We had active Booger Farm
Used Telephone Pole
Haiku # 59020, September 1, 2018 6:16 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Grow Op Inspector
Yo, Dianetics!
Hi, this is John Travolta
White suit made balls itch
Haiku # 59019, September 1, 2018 6:11 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Discotheque
On the bathroom wall,
right above the urinal,
draw a black square box

with a thick Sharpie.
Just below (or above) it
give it the title

Booger Farm, and watch
how fast people fill it up.
You can have a snack

each time you go pee.
You'll never buy food again.
You are quite welcome.
Haiku # 59018, September 1, 2018 5:29 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
differentiate my balls.
hypothesize, bitch!
Haiku # 59017, September 1, 2018 5:20 pm ET
No, but you can send nude pics
and I'll be sure to let you know
what you have won.
Haiku # 59016, September 1, 2018 5:16 pm ET
Does this site have a contest for haiku?
Haiku # 59015, September 1, 2018 1:44 pm ET
by Shelley of illinois
While you were sleeping
I was busy planting a tree
Deep in your asshole

A few years will pass
Your tree will provide riches
Free toilet paper!
Haiku # 59014, September 1, 2018 5:16 am ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Free Range Poopers
Think it's a venal sin?
Pervert priest called it a win-win.
Kicked him in the shin.
Haiku # 59013, September 1, 2018 3:43 am ET
by Starkitten's of Conjoined Headless Twin
Praying. Down on my knees.
That my headless twin won't sneeze
While I blow the priest.
Haiku # 59012, September 1, 2018 3:38 am ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Nunnery
Do dogs understand
All the commotion they cause
With their anal glands?
Haiku # 59011, September 1, 2018 3:32 am ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Petsmart Asst. Mgr.
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