Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
25 Years, 68 Days and 74648 Haiku later...

it keeps you running
yes it keeps you running, ask
micheal mcdonnell
Haiku # 59036, September 2, 2018 12:34 am ET
by vhs of i never left
German Gatorade
Yucky flavors,won't quench thirst.
Tried Blue Liverwurst?
Haiku # 59035, September 2, 2018 12:33 am ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Beverage Supply
Need a Handyman?
Call James Taylor. He'll come
A-running to you.
Haiku # 59034, September 2, 2018 12:20 am ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Lite Rock
what i hate about
this era is amazon
is not cool face to

face small record book
coffee shop music store type
hipster mesto, oh

my brothers
Haiku # 59033, September 2, 2018 12:10 am ET
by vhs
gatorade, just a
bottle of gatorade lay next
to myself in bed
Haiku # 59032, September 1, 2018 11:59 pm ET
by vhs
the guy in repo
was the same guy in buffy
mister repo that

is...wheres buffy when you need her
Haiku # 59031, September 1, 2018 11:58 pm ET
by vhs
i can't say i can
be single, much worse in fact
singularity

sucked within myself
Haiku # 59030, September 1, 2018 11:36 pm ET
by vhs
glasses, went from
drink to on my face egg nog don't
fail me on return
Haiku # 59029, September 1, 2018 11:34 pm ET
by vhs
something to do with
spritual warfare and its
wriiten by some guy named karl
Haiku # 59028, September 1, 2018 11:30 pm ET
by vhs
watched repo the genetic opera
weird fucking movie tonight
i wish id seen it sooner
sarah brightmann paris hilton
Haiku # 59027, September 1, 2018 11:28 pm ET
by vhs of illuminati vs opera rock show
KFC Restroom
Seen the ghost of the Colonel
Beside the urinal.
Haiku # 59026, September 1, 2018 11:00 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Director, Poultrygeist, The Movie
Johnny Appleseed.
What if he had planted weed?
Pass the Funyuns, please.
Haiku # 59025, September 1, 2018 10:56 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Just one toke over the line
Asking for your wife.
How'd you grow your dick SO BIG?
Transplant. Neighbor's pig.

One more question, please?
Did it come with balls attached?
Eggs from hen, un-hatched

Best toy since Yo Yo
Here, I'll show you...Wait!..(clucking)
Choking the Chicken.
Haiku # 59024, September 1, 2018 10:36 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Fun & Games
Disco Inferno!
Spontaneous Combustion
You scorched the dance floor!!
Haiku # 59023, September 1, 2018 9:38 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Vintage Boogie Shoes
Avocado Toast?
Deconstructed Stew? No thanks.
I'll have Bad Haiku.
Haiku # 59022, September 1, 2018 9:05 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Hipster Diner
Dude, Nativity...
Was Joseph Mary's FWB?
Or maybe God was?
Haiku # 59021, September 1, 2018 8:59 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Magic 8 Ball
Yo, Darthfigpucker
We had active Booger Farm
Used Telephone Pole
Haiku # 59020, September 1, 2018 6:16 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Grow Op Inspector
Yo, Dianetics!
Hi, this is John Travolta
White suit made balls itch
Haiku # 59019, September 1, 2018 6:11 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Discotheque
On the bathroom wall,
right above the urinal,
draw a black square box

with a thick Sharpie.
Just below (or above) it
give it the title

Booger Farm, and watch
how fast people fill it up.
You can have a snack

each time you go pee.
You'll never buy food again.
You are quite welcome.
Haiku # 59018, September 1, 2018 5:29 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
Combinatorics
differentiate my balls.
hypothesize, bitch!
Haiku # 59017, September 1, 2018 5:20 pm ET
by
No, but you can send nude pics
to darthfigpucker2@gmail.com
and I'll be sure to let you know
what you have won.
Haiku # 59016, September 1, 2018 5:16 pm ET
by
Does this site have a contest for haiku?
Haiku # 59015, September 1, 2018 1:44 pm ET
by Shelley of illinois
While you were sleeping
I was busy planting a tree
Deep in your asshole

A few years will pass
Your tree will provide riches
Free toilet paper!
Haiku # 59014, September 1, 2018 5:16 am ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Free Range Poopers
Think it's a venal sin?
Pervert priest called it a win-win.
Kicked him in the shin.
Haiku # 59013, September 1, 2018 3:43 am ET
by Starkitten's of Conjoined Headless Twin
Praying. Down on my knees.
That my headless twin won't sneeze
While I blow the priest.
Haiku # 59012, September 1, 2018 3:38 am ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Nunnery
Do dogs understand
All the commotion they cause
With their anal glands?
Haiku # 59011, September 1, 2018 3:32 am ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Petsmart Asst. Mgr.
Conjoined headless twin!
Writing bad haikus again?
Catch you outside, Sis
Haiku # 59010, September 1, 2018 3:24 am ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest "The good sister"
Don't call it incest.
A brother and sister ride
Makes it sound more fun
Haiku # 59009, September 1, 2018 3:20 am ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Family Center
Cute Ass. Cheap Plastic.
Surprisingly elastic.
Wipes Clean! Fantastic!

Until you get caught
Then your retail career's shot
But, fuck elf you bought.
Haiku # 59008, September 1, 2018 1:59 am ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Better Gnomes & Gardens
Graveyard Shift. Kmart.
Hard at work restocking shelves.
Break: Hump garden elves
Haiku # 59007, September 1, 2018 1:48 am ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Kmart Mgr Store #69
Don't fuck garden gnomes.
I once fucked a garden gnome.
The worst clap ever!
Haiku # 59006, August 31, 2018 11:06 pm ET
by
Come back VHS
See, I've cleaned up all the mess
Write some new haiku
Haiku # 59005, August 31, 2018 10:17 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest
I never can win
Freaking Conjoined headless twin
She wrote all the Haiku!!
Haiku # 59004, August 31, 2018 10:13 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest All Apologies, Inc.
Neighbor's gone. Nobody home.
Go on, Fuck their garden gnome.
Leave their dog alone!
Haiku # 59003, August 31, 2018 7:02 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Better Homes & Gardens
how about the idea
I won't post any more cause
even i can't keep up

and it's just gross and
tiresome and not funny to me
how i am...
Haiku # 59002, August 31, 2018 6:59 pm ET
by vhs
Don't answer the door
With cunt juice dripping from beard
It's considered rude
Haiku # 59001, August 31, 2018 6:26 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Law & Order Fed Ex Delivery Person Edition
Poor Stephen Hawking
Got sucked into your wife's cunt
When he left the Earth
Haiku # 59000, August 31, 2018 6:24 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Cuntwatchers
Nurse, I've read the chart
Patient simply needs to fart
A sudden discharge.
Haiku # 58999, August 31, 2018 6:18 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Medical Centre
Masturbation Waltz
Becomes the Funky Chicken
Your mom just walked in.
Haiku # 58998, August 31, 2018 6:05 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest
Patient complaining of sore back
Diagnosed with interrelated cases of
Impacted colon and broken back
Cause: patient inserted head into anus
Immediately upon removal patient
Complains it's too bright demands Reversed procedure but staff refuse
Patient left still attempting reversal
Haiku # 58997, August 31, 2018 5:33 pm ET
by Sparklepony, MD of General Veterinarian Clinic
Sir, troubled rear end?
Schwinn Cure, I recommend.
Take seatless bike ride

Tandem. Two can ride.
Bring along some ASStroglide
Sphincter blown apart.

Like Napoleon
Give Josephine a cleanse too
Brown water fills loo
Haiku # 58996, August 31, 2018 5:19 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Menstrual Cyclery
He hit rock bottom
So hard he bounced a few times
After the impact
Haiku # 58995, August 31, 2018 5:16 pm ET
by MONARCH
Hippo seeks dentist
YUGE cavity needs filling
Lower breath, STINKY.
Haiku # 58994, August 31, 2018 5:05 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Vertical Smilers Association
Ride the Water Horse
Grab her steel wool mane! Orgas..
Damn. Scratched from the race.
Haiku # 58993, August 31, 2018 5:01 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Penis Paddock
I was on Facebook today and saw a picture of a yawning hippo. Reminded my of my wife's cunt.
Haiku # 58992, August 31, 2018 9:40 am ET
by
Bad constipation yesterday. Took 10 minutes to squeeze out that turd. I could feel every bit of it as it stretched my asshole open, like a blind man feeling Braille, I think I could sculpt if from memory without ever having looked at it, like a parent knows every detail of its child. I thought of naming it, taking pictures, putting them on Facebook and celebrating. But I flushed and had a shot of whiskey.
Haiku # 58991, August 31, 2018 6:08 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Will someone please change Starkitten's litter box?
It runneth over.

Have you ever farted from your penis?

It's quite a funny tickling sensation.

I would like to be tripping whilst air shoots out my dick.
What a wild time, that would be!

I wish I could drink more than I do, but I'm not really into alcohol that much. It's okay sometimes, but it's kind of numbing and boring.

My wife's ass is too fat. If I could I'd drug her into becoming a mindless zombie and whore her out to the fishermen by the dock and buy crack or DMT with the proceeds... just kidding... those aren't available here.

The streets overflow with garbage, both plastic and human. Dead lizard mozaic roadways. Vicious looking little fuckers. Makes you glad they're dead. I wouldn't mind them so much if they ate puppies and small children.
Haiku # 58990, August 31, 2018 6:03 am ET
by
Quick Money Transfer
Go ahead, swipe your bank card
Right down my ass crack
Haiku # 58989, August 31, 2018 5:03 am ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Savings Bank
Clams on the half shell
Plug your nose and keep going!
Cunnilingus Class
Haiku # 58988, August 31, 2018 4:53 am ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Adult Education
Tip: Showcase Showdown
Give Drew Carey a blow job
Before making bid
Haiku # 58987, August 31, 2018 4:35 am ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Fun and Games Ltd.
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