gatorade, just a
bottle of gatorade lay next
to myself in bed

the guy in repo
was the same guy in buffy
mister repo that

is...wheres buffy when you need her

i can't say i can
be single, much worse in fact
singularity

sucked within myself

glasses, went from
drink to on my face egg nog don't
fail me on return

something to do with
spritual warfare and its
wriiten by some guy named karl

watched repo the genetic opera
weird fucking movie tonight
i wish id seen it sooner
sarah brightmann paris hilton

KFC Restroom
Seen the ghost of the Colonel
Beside the urinal.

Johnny Appleseed.
What if he had planted weed?
Pass the Funyuns, please.

Asking for your wife.
How'd you grow your dick SO BIG?
Transplant. Neighbor's pig.

One more question, please?
Did it come with balls attached?
Eggs from hen, un-hatched

Best toy since Yo Yo
Here, I'll show you...Wait!..(clucking)
Choking the Chicken.

Disco Inferno!
Spontaneous Combustion
You scorched the dance floor!!

Avocado Toast?
Deconstructed Stew? No thanks.
I'll have Bad Haiku.

Dude, Nativity...
Was Joseph Mary's FWB?
Or maybe God was?

Yo, Darthfigpucker
We had active Booger Farm
Used Telephone Pole

Yo, Dianetics!
Hi, this is John Travolta
White suit made balls itch

On the bathroom wall,
right above the urinal,
draw a black square box

with a thick Sharpie.
Just below (or above) it
give it the title

Booger Farm, and watch
how fast people fill it up.
You can have a snack

each time you go pee.
You'll never buy food again.
You are quite welcome.

Combinatorics
differentiate my balls.
hypothesize, bitch!

No, but you can send nude pics
to darthfigpucker2@gmail.com
and I'll be sure to let you know
what you have won.

Does this site have a contest for haiku?

While you were sleeping
I was busy planting a tree
Deep in your asshole

A few years will pass
Your tree will provide riches
Free toilet paper!

Think it's a venal sin?
Pervert priest called it a win-win.
Kicked him in the shin.

Praying. Down on my knees.
That my headless twin won't sneeze
While I blow the priest.

Do dogs understand
All the commotion they cause
With their anal glands?

Conjoined headless twin!
Writing bad haikus again?
Catch you outside, Sis

Don't call it incest.
A brother and sister ride
Makes it sound more fun

Cute Ass. Cheap Plastic.
Surprisingly elastic.
Wipes Clean! Fantastic!

Until you get caught
Then your retail career's shot
But, fuck elf you bought.

Graveyard Shift. Kmart.
Hard at work restocking shelves.
Break: Hump garden elves

Don't fuck garden gnomes.
I once fucked a garden gnome.
The worst clap ever!

Come back VHS
See, I've cleaned up all the mess
Write some new haiku

I never can win
Freaking Conjoined headless twin
She wrote all the Haiku!!

Neighbor's gone. Nobody home.
Go on, Fuck their garden gnome.
Leave their dog alone!

how about the idea
I won't post any more cause
even i can't keep up

and it's just gross and
tiresome and not funny to me
how i am...

Don't answer the door
With cunt juice dripping from beard
It's considered rude

Poor Stephen Hawking
Got sucked into your wife's cunt
When he left the Earth

Nurse, I've read the chart
Patient simply needs to fart
A sudden discharge.

Masturbation Waltz
Becomes the Funky Chicken
Your mom just walked in.

Patient complaining of sore back
Diagnosed with interrelated cases of
Impacted colon and broken back
Cause: patient inserted head into anus
Immediately upon removal patient
Complains it's too bright demands Reversed procedure but staff refuse
Patient left still attempting reversal

Sir, troubled rear end?
Schwinn Cure, I recommend.
Take seatless bike ride

Tandem. Two can ride.
Bring along some ASStroglide
Sphincter blown apart.

Like Napoleon
Give Josephine a cleanse too
Brown water fills loo

He hit rock bottom
So hard he bounced a few times
After the impact

Hippo seeks dentist
YUGE cavity needs filling
Lower breath, STINKY.

Ride the Water Horse
Grab her steel wool mane! Orgas..
Damn. Scratched from the race.

I was on Facebook today and saw a picture of a yawning hippo. Reminded my of my wife's cunt.

Bad constipation yesterday. Took 10 minutes to squeeze out that turd. I could feel every bit of it as it stretched my asshole open, like a blind man feeling Braille, I think I could sculpt if from memory without ever having looked at it, like a parent knows every detail of its child. I thought of naming it, taking pictures, putting them on Facebook and celebrating. But I flushed and had a shot of whiskey.

Will someone please change Starkitten's litter box?
It runneth over.

Have you ever farted from your penis?

It's quite a funny tickling sensation.

I would like to be tripping whilst air shoots out my dick.
What a wild time, that would be!

I wish I could drink more than I do, but I'm not really into alcohol that much. It's okay sometimes, but it's kind of numbing and boring.

My wife's ass is too fat. If I could I'd drug her into becoming a mindless zombie and whore her out to the fishermen by the dock and buy crack or DMT with the proceeds... just kidding... those aren't available here.

The streets overflow with garbage, both plastic and human. Dead lizard mozaic roadways. Vicious looking little fuckers. Makes you glad they're dead. I wouldn't mind them so much if they ate puppies and small children.

Quick Money Transfer
Go ahead, swipe your bank card
Right down my ass crack

Clams on the half shell
Plug your nose and keep going!
Cunnilingus Class

Tip: Showcase Showdown
Give Drew Carey a blow job
Before making bid

Now, speaking of mud
Coming next summer, koolkats
HAIKUSTOCK!!

Just because you puke
In Monseigneur's brand new car
Don't mean you're possessed

Christopher Walken
Gets our ladyparts talkin'
Thanks, Colonel Angus

Like the ice cream man
The Cunnilingus Mobile
Friendly Neighborhood