I am a math whore.
That is my official job.
There's none more evil.

Penile implants.
Balloon animal sausage.
I hope they don't pop.

Let's get back to work.
Make some bad fart joke haiku.
That's what we're here for.

Yes, you're an asshole.
But all poets are assholes.
Since the first poem.

Someone needs brownies.
Made with sweet magic butter.
Embrace the sweet calm.

I am an asshole?
That is way over the top.
You need to chill out.

prayer won out but
either way i got mad, so
think about road rage

you may be a jerk
remorseless sociopath
but if you piss off

a vanilla guy
with bipolar he just might
go nuts ans scratch

the, paint or more, theres
always someone more evil
than youraelf, ask Elric

Stormbringer..."I was more evil
than thou" chaos howling through the ether

i feel the anger
and i wish i could reach over
the screen and pinch

your cheek, box your ears
and much worse, instead ill debate
if i should put

a black magick curse
on you or pray for you, oh
decisions, decision

ill know something worked if you cease to post or cease to be an asshole

smart but evil, he
had no remorse, stuck here for
years and crafted the

small reality
hed made for himself here
me, i voted for trump

thats evil

besides if you like
i can always get a shovel
and make you a hole

right, i accept me
i have fun here, im having
fun, you cant steal that

and im kinda evil myself so you
got good company

Accept it Donnie
Smart people do not like you
Go back to your hole

dont get me started
on green girls with dymbionts on
their heads who were mages

but got turned into
horrors but sort of back into
themselves but still green

well that dick joke came
from under the bridge but i aint
no billy goats gruff

I didn't love her
when she used to be pretty.
And now that she's fat...

I'd be filthy rich
if being an asshole were
a real profession.

vhs, do you
let your penis dangle out
of your zipper when

walking in public?

Rancid queef biscuits.
Arby's roast beef sandwiches.
Massengill sauce.

youre just being a
vogon or impersonating
me pissed off on

something stupid :p

I have been at this
for almost an hour now.
That is good enough.

Defibrillated
x-rated elongated
Frankenstein scandal.

You should memorize
the periodic table
by tomorrow night.

How long can one live
on a diet of Cheetos
and Dr. Pepper?

History channel
trailer park Pabst Blue Ribbon
armchair physicist.

Laser genital
surgical reconstruction
balloon animals.

I will burn in hell.
The fiery pits await.
I'll read my poems.

The other sinners
will scream with pure agony
to hear my verses.

Satan will love me.
We will be the best of pals.
My demon buddy.

You think it's bad, but
it's not the Lord's name in vain
if I am sincere.

YouTube stole my life.
Goddamn those funny kittens.
And now I am old.

It's too much to ask.
I want a phone that's a phone.
Exploding Jello.

Fucking Java script.
It has been deemed outdated.
Google go to hell!

Sometimes I over-
use anthropomorphism
so I'll orgasm.

If ice cream could speak,
could it tell you its story
before you finish?

Sentient plant life.
Midichlorophyllians.
Laser weed eaters.

Aliens are green.
That's for photosynthesis.
They taste like lettuce.

But they lack the crunch.
Caesar dressing will not help.
Robitussin rocks!

Better than "Dice Clay."
Some consider him poet
I think he asshole

yes you are listen
ing to a dishwasher write
poems with mark dice

My wife is naive.
She thinks I'm downloading porn.
But this is much worse.

i wonder what mark
dice would think of being all
up and haikued here

no i just forgot
i like posting self pity
stuff as an aspect

of sides of the self
wait theres more! the end times are
a comin, no mark dice!!

trolls, where? when did those
creatures bust out of tolkien
stories got on line?

The trolls want you gone.
So stay to make them angry.
It will be such fun.

i forgot about
this place, if i stop posting
i forgot this place

for good

long after im gone
there will be someone else who
insecure, lets some

other person get
to them, not realizing they
dont have to let them

donT make me insert
another quarter man, im
gonna beat this here game!

maybe my life force
is running out, warrior
needs caffiene, badly

its friday, call me...
Maybe? Ishmael? Waiting???
tables, or Godot?

do you know de wae
we spit on the fake queen
i draw a big pepe

Swiper, no swiping!
Backpack, Backpack. Yum yum yum.
Where are we going?

A tinder Haiku
You ever see one of those?
Surprise! It's a trap

Long after I'm gone
my bad haiku will live on.
That is such a shame.