YouTube stole my life.
Goddamn those funny kittens.
And now I am old.

It's too much to ask.
I want a phone that's a phone.
Exploding Jello.

Fucking Java script.
It has been deemed outdated.
Google go to hell!

Sometimes I over-
use anthropomorphism
so I'll orgasm.

If ice cream could speak,
could it tell you its story
before you finish?

Sentient plant life.
Midichlorophyllians.
Laser weed eaters.

Aliens are green.
That's for photosynthesis.
They taste like lettuce.

But they lack the crunch.
Caesar dressing will not help.
Robitussin rocks!

Better than "Dice Clay."
Some consider him poet
I think he asshole

yes you are listen
ing to a dishwasher write
poems with mark dice

My wife is naive.
She thinks I'm downloading porn.
But this is much worse.

i wonder what mark
dice would think of being all
up and haikued here

no i just forgot
i like posting self pity
stuff as an aspect

of sides of the self
wait theres more! the end times are
a comin, no mark dice!!

trolls, where? when did those
creatures bust out of tolkien
stories got on line?

The trolls want you gone.
So stay to make them angry.
It will be such fun.

i forgot about
this place, if i stop posting
i forgot this place

for good

long after im gone
there will be someone else who
insecure, lets some

other person get
to them, not realizing they
dont have to let them

donT make me insert
another quarter man, im
gonna beat this here game!

maybe my life force
is running out, warrior
needs caffiene, badly

its friday, call me...
Maybe? Ishmael? Waiting???
tables, or Godot?

do you know de wae
we spit on the fake queen
i draw a big pepe

Swiper, no swiping!
Backpack, Backpack. Yum yum yum.
Where are we going?

A tinder Haiku
You ever see one of those?
Surprise! It's a trap

Long after I'm gone
my bad haiku will live on.
That is such a shame.

Why would a porn star
bang Donald Trump for no pay?
Ask Stormy Davis.

When I go bald. Like
I mean all the way bald, friend...
No Trump combover.

I ran out of space
in the middle of my last
haiku. I got distracted.

Hold on just a sec...
If there's one thing I'm sure of
it's that the uni-

I keep my mustard
in the fridge next to the old
takeout soy sauce packs.

Look at that big wave!
What are those things way out there?
Giant bananas?!

One time at band camp
my vagina ate a flute.
Nothing else to say.

The ocean sunfish
Mola, Mola, Mola hey!
Reduced caudal fin

Pee. Warm and sterile.
Oh, but dude please don't drink it,
Ureic acid.

Ugandan Knuckles
boofing Tide pods for Jesus.
This is a real thing.

It is here and now.
The future is upon us.
You should be worried.

You should do something.
Instead you write poetry.
You are no warrior.

Digital feces.
But poop is just anal log.
Future coprolite.

Fossils making fossils for future fossils to unearth and write bad poetry about!

When you drop a log
You view porno analogue?
Do they still make that???

well when i sit on
the john i download too but
analogue, old school

When the wife is out
I download pornography
or write bad haiku.

Ha ha!

no room no room on
the planet for you all, but
space program maybe???

i believe most folks
are flawed, despite that most go
on to greater things

and sometimes i write
haikus here and sometimes i
dont so the one thing

i do get from so
called artists is they forget
to enjoy things for

what they are, who fucking cares

Most haikus have five
syllables then seven then
I forget what next

there was a show called
dinosaurs which ended with the
end of their world, so

Gen X kids show and
the end of civilized life
kinda like our times?

Polar bears are mean
They don't want to be your friend
Plus, they may eat you

Please relax robot
Americans are sleeping
Challenge you perhaps

I challenge cowards
Propel decisions forwards
Listen to records

next time i come in
here ill get my whip and cane
and say submit sub

It stopped raining for 5 minutes.
I'll now wade outside and see if the grilled monkey testicle vendor is open for business or if he's drunk again in the whore house karaoke bar.
How many staph infections must I fight off this monsoon season?
One of them looks like it might give birth.
Should I feed it imported pickles?
I really shouldn't get so drunk that I pass out; those fishermen will screw anything.
Damnit... I think my owner (wife) has returned.
*whimper, whine, cower*

Fast forward 1000 years in the future.
Will there still be haiku?
And sumo?
And sushi w/ 0.5% methyl mercury content?
Will we sail on boats with sails of radioactive yen notes sewn together with dolphin and whale gut string?
Fried sea turtle dumping that promise eternal life?
Happy ending massages from imported slave girls?
Economic conquest?

If you like pooping,
then move to Southeast Asia;
you'll poop all day long.