Hold on just a sec...
If there's one thing I'm sure of
it's that the uni-

I keep my mustard
in the fridge next to the old
takeout soy sauce packs.

Look at that big wave!
What are those things way out there?
Giant bananas?!

One time at band camp
my vagina ate a flute.
Nothing else to say.

The ocean sunfish
Mola, Mola, Mola hey!
Reduced caudal fin

Pee. Warm and sterile.
Oh, but dude please don't drink it,
Ureic acid.

Ugandan Knuckles
boofing Tide pods for Jesus.
This is a real thing.

It is here and now.
The future is upon us.
You should be worried.

You should do something.
Instead you write poetry.
You are no warrior.

Digital feces.
But poop is just anal log.
Future coprolite.

Fossils making fossils for future fossils to unearth and write bad poetry about!

When you drop a log
You view porno analogue?
Do they still make that???

well when i sit on
the john i download too but
analogue, old school

When the wife is out
I download pornography
or write bad haiku.

Ha ha!

no room no room on
the planet for you all, but
space program maybe???

i believe most folks
are flawed, despite that most go
on to greater things

and sometimes i write
haikus here and sometimes i
dont so the one thing

i do get from so
called artists is they forget
to enjoy things for

what they are, who fucking cares

Most haikus have five
syllables then seven then
I forget what next

there was a show called
dinosaurs which ended with the
end of their world, so

Gen X kids show and
the end of civilized life
kinda like our times?

Polar bears are mean
They don't want to be your friend
Plus, they may eat you

Please relax robot
Americans are sleeping
Challenge you perhaps

I challenge cowards
Propel decisions forwards
Listen to records

next time i come in
here ill get my whip and cane
and say submit sub

It stopped raining for 5 minutes.
I'll now wade outside and see if the grilled monkey testicle vendor is open for business or if he's drunk again in the whore house karaoke bar.
How many staph infections must I fight off this monsoon season?
One of them looks like it might give birth.
Should I feed it imported pickles?
I really shouldn't get so drunk that I pass out; those fishermen will screw anything.
Damnit... I think my owner (wife) has returned.
*whimper, whine, cower*

Fast forward 1000 years in the future.
Will there still be haiku?
And sumo?
And sushi w/ 0.5% methyl mercury content?
Will we sail on boats with sails of radioactive yen notes sewn together with dolphin and whale gut string?
Fried sea turtle dumping that promise eternal life?
Happy ending massages from imported slave girls?
Economic conquest?

If you like pooping,
then move to Southeast Asia;
you'll poop all day long.

if someone is upset
at moon pies in the diet
i think id eat more

It's not rebelling
if the system's not enforced
penis fart bubbles.

rebelling gets old
it becomes the new norm, when
golf and martinis

become cool

it is like music
the whole song needs noise and lulls
here though we need lulz

routine defiance
mundane recidivism
is it bad haiku ?

The crazy man masturbates under his trenchcoat in the public park, pretending not to notice people staring at him. He sometimes is put in the county mental ward for a short time, but shortly released because he poses no serious threat to anyone, so returns to the park to masturbate again, pretending not to notice people staring at him mouths agape. Time passes and few people go to that park now except him b/c they don't want to see a crazy old man masturbating under his trenchcoat and it frightens them. The beautiful park is essentially his now, which is what he planned. And they call him crazy.

The sunrise over the Asian slum was peaceful and allowed for some great photography for the rich white people to post on Facebook while complaining how they miss Starbucks.

all depends how you
see it and if you add or
take away what is creul

struggle to get by
in a cruel and savage world
only rest is death

yes coffee ice cream
a gift of the gods to man
till promethius

turned it all into
eight o clock coffee and we
had to add sugar

and cream and those damn
proggy commentators bitch
about sugar use

dietary fetishism

Wouldn't it be cool if there is was some barbarian warrior named Of from the land of Of, so when he introduced himself he would say, "I am Of of Of," and people would think he was stuttering and not be able to help but laugh or snicker at this and then Of would get pissed and chop their heads off with a giant war axe or a broadsword.

What were we talking about... Oh, yeah, ice cream.

There's no keeping up.
Just slide down to the bottom.
There might be ice cream.

But I must ask you,
What's your favorite flavor?
Coffee ice cream rules.

trying to keep up and
going down and getting there
brown eyed girly gals

I am going to go eat some motherfucking cake.
If you've never had motherfucking cake then you should motherfucking well try some, motherfucker.

Vaginal Hair Slime.
Victorious Hippie Shack.
Very Hungry Shark.

I don't mean backwards backwards... I mean the B and M are switched. You know what I mean. Kind of like Bruce Jenner.

I just noticed the title of the "haiku submission" page is titled "Bad Haiku - Sumbit".
The B and M are backwards.
Huh huh huh... I said BM.

Sumbitch sumbit submit obey or die. Or something.

damn it, i think I'm
the master of dada then
he posts some DOO DOO!!!

It is quite simple.
I blame racism on race.
Get rid of all race.

We'll all be the same.
One big happy family.
All the same color.

Another option is nanobots that permeate skin and bend light so that we are all invisible and can't see each other. We can only find each other by smell. We could walk around naked. There would be no more "fashion" or even rich or poor and everyone would have sex with random partners because, hey, we would all be invisible anyway.

i wait for others
to act, entertain, when
maybe i need to

id rather stay inside
watch movies play neros fiddle
then show up and

give everyone a kitten
in this day and age some
of these idiots will

blame kittens for racism

Sexy justice please
Make America Grind Ass
Shout it in the streets!

they have rules stifling
creativity, chopping the
dicks off the male types

castrating mankind
for the sake of a dead sexless
social justice

cynicism knows that
it will die therefore i think
it is cynical

I peed in the yard.
The neighbors were not happy.
So I pooped in theirs.

home of donald duck
and in his own disneyworld
home of donald dick