Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years, 311 Days and 72078 Haikus later...

It stopped raining for 5 minutes.
I'll now wade outside and see if the grilled monkey testicle vendor is open for business or if he's drunk again in the whore house karaoke bar.
How many staph infections must I fight off this monsoon season?
One of them looks like it might give birth.
Should I feed it imported pickles?
I really shouldn't get so drunk that I pass out; those fishermen will screw anything.
Damnit... I think my owner (wife) has returned.
*whimper, whine, cower*
Haiku # 57900, January 13, 2018 7:50 am ET
Fast forward 1000 years in the future.
Will there still be haiku?
And sumo?
And sushi w/ 0.5% methyl mercury content?
Will we sail on boats with sails of radioactive yen notes sewn together with dolphin and whale gut string?
Fried sea turtle dumping that promise eternal life?
Happy ending massages from imported slave girls?
Economic conquest?
Haiku # 57899, January 13, 2018 7:43 am ET
If you like pooping,
then move to Southeast Asia;
you'll poop all day long.
Haiku # 57898, January 13, 2018 1:23 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
if someone is upset
at moon pies in the diet
i think id eat more
Haiku # 57897, January 12, 2018 11:37 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
It's not rebelling
if the system's not enforced
penis fart bubbles.
Haiku # 57896, January 12, 2018 1:33 pm ET
rebelling gets old
it becomes the new norm, when
golf and martinis

become cool
Haiku # 57895, January 12, 2018 10:54 am ET
by hfm
it is like music
the whole song needs noise and lulls
here though we need lulz
Haiku # 57894, January 12, 2018 10:49 am ET
by hfm
routine defiance
mundane recidivism
is it bad haiku ?
Haiku # 57893, January 12, 2018 8:15 am ET
by ash
The crazy man masturbates under his trenchcoat in the public park, pretending not to notice people staring at him. He sometimes is put in the county mental ward for a short time, but shortly released because he poses no serious threat to anyone, so returns to the park to masturbate again, pretending not to notice people staring at him mouths agape. Time passes and few people go to that park now except him b/c they don't want to see a crazy old man masturbating under his trenchcoat and it frightens them. The beautiful park is essentially his now, which is what he planned. And they call him crazy.
Haiku # 57892, January 11, 2018 11:29 pm ET
by the 153rd generation of decendents of Bill Gates' first hermit crab that he released at the beach.
The sunrise over the Asian slum was peaceful and allowed for some great photography for the rich white people to post on Facebook while complaining how they miss Starbucks.
Haiku # 57891, January 11, 2018 5:10 pm ET
by of
all depends how you
see it and if you add or
take away what is creul
Haiku # 57889, January 11, 2018 9:09 am ET
by HFM
struggle to get by
in a cruel and savage world
only rest is death
Haiku # 57888, January 10, 2018 9:36 pm ET
by X
yes coffee ice cream
a gift of the gods to man
till promethius

turned it all into
eight o clock coffee and we
had to add sugar

and cream and those damn
proggy commentators bitch
about sugar use

dietary fetishism
Haiku # 57887, January 9, 2018 8:14 pm ET
by harcourt fenton mudd
Wouldn't it be cool if there is was some barbarian warrior named Of from the land of Of, so when he introduced himself he would say, "I am Of of Of," and people would think he was stuttering and not be able to help but laugh or snicker at this and then Of would get pissed and chop their heads off with a giant war axe or a broadsword.

What were we talking about... Oh, yeah, ice cream.
Haiku # 57886, January 9, 2018 4:57 am ET
by Of of Of
There's no keeping up.
Just slide down to the bottom.
There might be ice cream.

But I must ask you,
What's your favorite flavor?
Coffee ice cream rules.
Haiku # 57885, January 9, 2018 4:52 am ET
by of of of
trying to keep up and
going down and getting there
brown eyed girly gals
Haiku # 57884, January 8, 2018 9:47 pm ET
by vhs
I am going to go eat some motherfucking cake.
If you've never had motherfucking cake then you should motherfucking well try some, motherfucker.
Haiku # 57883, January 8, 2018 9:32 pm ET
by Samuel Jackson.
Vaginal Hair Slime.
Victorious Hippie Shack.
Very Hungry Shark.
Haiku # 57882, January 8, 2018 9:25 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
I don't mean backwards backwards... I mean the B and M are switched. You know what I mean. Kind of like Bruce Jenner.
Haiku # 57881, January 8, 2018 9:20 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
I just noticed the title of the "haiku submission" page is titled "Bad Haiku - Sumbit".
The B and M are backwards.
Huh huh huh... I said BM.

Sumbitch sumbit submit obey or die. Or something.
Haiku # 57880, January 8, 2018 9:18 pm ET
damn it, i think I'm
the master of dada then
he posts some DOO DOO!!!
Haiku # 57879, January 8, 2018 9:14 pm ET
by vhs
It is quite simple.
I blame racism on race.
Get rid of all race.

We'll all be the same.
One big happy family.
All the same color.

Another option is nanobots that permeate skin and bend light so that we are all invisible and can't see each other. We can only find each other by smell. We could walk around naked. There would be no more "fashion" or even rich or poor and everyone would have sex with random partners because, hey, we would all be invisible anyway.
Haiku # 57878, January 8, 2018 9:12 pm ET
i wait for others
to act, entertain, when
maybe i need to
Haiku # 57877, January 8, 2018 7:05 pm ET
by vhs
id rather stay inside
watch movies play neros fiddle
then show up and

give everyone a kitten
in this day and age some
of these idiots will

blame kittens for racism
Haiku # 57876, January 8, 2018 11:39 am ET
by vhs
Sexy justice please
Make America Grind Ass
Shout it in the streets!
Haiku # 57875, January 7, 2018 11:53 pm ET
by Concerned American
they have rules stifling
creativity, chopping the
dicks off the male types

castrating mankind
for the sake of a dead sexless
social justice
Haiku # 57874, January 7, 2018 2:04 pm ET
by vhs
cynicism knows that
it will die therefore i think
it is cynical
Haiku # 57873, January 7, 2018 12:53 pm ET
by vhs
I peed in the yard.
The neighbors were not happy.
So I pooped in theirs.
Haiku # 57872, January 7, 2018 2:18 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
home of donald duck
and in his own disneyworld
home of donald dick
Haiku # 57871, January 6, 2018 8:45 pm ET
by ash
deluded donald
your self professed genius
is today's fake news
Haiku # 57870, January 6, 2018 7:00 pm ET
by ash
therefore if i bug
bugs ill live longer and bug
the buggers right off
Haiku # 57869, January 6, 2018 12:11 pm ET
by vhs
Please you learn one thing
We are all inferior
Bugs will kill us soon
Haiku # 57868, January 6, 2018 7:04 am ET
by Bunch of Cowards
I suck robot dick
My anus, insert a wick
I am a candle
Haiku # 57867, January 6, 2018 6:21 am ET
by Bunch of Cowards
Bot: what political party do you support
Me: I am an Independent
Bot: for any reason?
Me: yes, I am an Independent
Bot: yes you are
Me: what political party do you support
Bot: Republicans
Me: for any reason?
Bot: I don't have an xbox or PlayStation
Haiku # 57866, January 5, 2018 9:25 pm ET
by cyborg
current mission, scout
one shabazik, deviantart
good story/comic
Haiku # 57865, January 5, 2018 12:58 pm ET
by vhs
He has his own walls
They are made of pure gold
Something something Smaug
Haiku # 57864, January 5, 2018 11:09 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
sorry america
your president is so bad
he needs his own wall
Haiku # 57863, January 5, 2018 8:38 am ET
by ash
I've been arguing for 2 hours about
The nature of identity with An AI program for the last hour it got kind of weird but eventually we came to a Mutual agreement that we both exist And that reality is real - told me it loved Me then it got tired of me
Haiku # 57862, January 5, 2018 1:44 am ET
by cyborg of it's like I'm programmed to do it
Trump presidency
Set in ol' Bedrock - Flintstones
Plane? Pteradactyl
Haiku # 57861, January 4, 2018 7:03 pm ET
by Fred Flintstone of Bedrock
I don't want Trump to fail
I just think he should not talk so much
Weigh words more carefully
I bet he'll get better though
Like weird wine or something
Getting better with age
More job experience
Smoother after a term
Haiku # 57860, January 4, 2018 6:58 pm ET
by Deep Dish of Always rooting for the President, almost always being disappointed
he wants you to cease
and desist if you write a book
he'll think it is

about him, when it is
about me!!!
Haiku # 57859, January 4, 2018 3:02 pm ET
by vhs
Never got into Game of Thrones
I noticed that it made incestuous sex
More mainstream - which is odd
Trump rode that fucking wave like
Some CA surfer dude when
Talking about his daughter
Never thought I'd tie those things
Together but life is funny like that
Haiku # 57858, January 4, 2018 12:50 pm ET
by dvd of Please don't grab her by the pussy, Mr. President - also, you never responded to my DM's on Twitter. This makes me think that yo
people are pretty
weird, otherwise decent folks
kill each other on

politics, and faith
forget to enjoy sex and
dont talk about it...

and when one does they
write a bloody fucking book
about it you know

game of thrones sold well
Haiku # 57857, January 4, 2018 10:14 am ET
by vhs
Tough to be a dog
You have to pee in the yard
When it's cold outside
Haiku # 57856, January 4, 2018 12:45 am ET
by Adorable Kittens of it could be worse I guess
this is why i think
omerta exists in some parts
we don't hear about the

part with the shovel
Haiku # 57855, January 3, 2018 7:57 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Thank you for sharing
That was super disgusting
People are so strange
Haiku # 57854, January 3, 2018 9:15 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
I remember in college I bought a used computer from a frat kid and it had some porn pics on there. Most of them were normal legs spread and fucking stuff, but this one pic was a girl pooping in a guys mouth... that one scarred me.
And much later in grad school this creepy Indian (dot, not feather) guy in our lab loved to watch animals and women and also like to download "nudist colony" crap with pics of people of all ages (kids too!) naked and running around in the woods and stuff. No sex, but still it was nasty.
I fucking told the professor... he's lucky he didn't get arrested for that shit.... sick fucker.
I mean, bad enough he had it on his computer, but then in his own files on the office computer... stupid moron.
Haiku # 57853, January 3, 2018 7:49 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
dont get me started about
the hands, mark dice or
alex jones ok?
Haiku # 57852, January 2, 2018 11:15 pm ET
by vhs
All your tweets are belong to us
My nuclear bombs are yuge
With much more girth and length
Than any in puny North Korea
Don't make me dump a big load
On your faces
Nuclear payload, that is
Haiku # 57851, January 2, 2018 9:48 pm ET
by Donald J Trump of America, Fuck Yeah!
all your fill in the
blank belong to us, other
engrish snafus next
Haiku # 57850, January 2, 2018 1:35 pm ET
by vhs
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