I remember in high school
During Marine Biology
The kid in front of me managed
To find 2 Girls 1 Cup on his laptop
He was weirdly proud of this fact
And he scarred me for life
I still wonder if he paid for it though
Would make it a Pay-Per-Poo movie

When you drink oolong,
and then you have flatulence,
it's been fart oolong.

It's kinda weird now
Seeing an 8 where there used
To be a 7

It'll take about
One year to really get used
To it - give or take

vi går tilbake
vi går til begynnelsen
hvor ellers er det?

I broke a mirror
Got seven years of bad luck
Plotting my next move

bang a gong get it
on... then instrumentals then
happy new year...cold

You just described it
Politics in general
Dinosaurs in suits

Dinosaur party
That sounds like it could be fun
T-rex dance moves

There was once a time
When dinosaurs roamed the earth
Eating and pooping

Thinking their small thoughts
They did not observe New Years
Just another day

They became extinct
We probably will also
But we partied hard

one last day before
another year passes on
old ang sine, sign off

There's no connection.
I don't mean the Internet.
I mean each other.

Two minutes it took
To get me to write a book
About a squirrel

Wait, I want to stand
For my most favorite band
I forgot their name

Write about donkeys
Does that make your soul precious?
I will not sit down

the canary islands...

Las grullas vuelan
sin dejar en el aire
ninguna huella.

When morningstar shines bright in sky
Tell her who she is and who am I
Property claimed vows exchanged
Bread shared in evening

I'm worried about
people i love but they just
don't get sometimes the

fucking family
get togethers need to be
canceled for sane sakes

Friendly squirrel dead
I am so messed in my head
train whistle blowing

that's the fucking truth
my rage is fed by bad beer
end times are not near

more lives more years more
existentialism and
all is vanity

Soon, another year
and so on until we die
adding up to what?

one room at the end
of time no big deals left a
wateland outside, just

the last bit of the
old universe to play with
last pack of miller

high life, vcr
and plan nine from outer space
generator and

older crt
stranglehold by ted nugent
on, play on, drinks awAY

its df dvd
vhs and just a bit
of a scary xmas

the eve before we
give fruitcakes and socks and things
in socks the next day

and the last pter capaldi doctor who!

one two three four five
six seven eight nine ten el-
even twelve thirteen.

Thirteen dirty teenage Asian prostitutes and exotic narcotics to celebrate the holidays with.

Playing sudoku made me bored so I thought I'd write a haiku, but it was too difficult to count the syllables, so I gave up, drank a beer, took a shit and a nap, in that order, so I wouldn't shit the bed, woke up and didn't care about anything.
So I got fucked up on too much cappuccino, read a book, and masturbated pretending that I was Abraham Lincoln waging war against the Japanese, capturing the women and forcing them to write haiku about how awesome I am.
The book store people didn't appreciate that until I grabbed some random book off the book shelf and told them I was here for my book signing. They gave me a large nice pen and three bikini babes and a hotel room after, just like on WWF or MMA or Nascar or something.
I'll do that more often.

Mostly theremin
And Japanese people
Chanting "Godzilla"

The Naughty Haiku
That's a good name for a band
That plays weird music

well if there's bad and
i mean bad haiku what of
the naughty haiku?

I went to go pee,
but the door said "gentlemen".
So I went outside.

All new Hasbro
Action figure manger scene.
Kung fu grip Joseph.

Silicone boob jobs
look absolutely stupid,
like big silly cones.

I won't lie but I
Tell truths unbelievable
To my enemies

Evil tobacco
You are a bad thing for me
Hop you go away

Yet

That clay pot is smashed
And my family's broken
I'm not a healer

Some sign contracts
With the devil, I work for the other guy
And I'm going to sign on the dotted line

It's the end of time
Has been for quite a while now
Nothing stays the same

saracatic jokes will
be with humanity till
tne end of the world

because of the end of the world

screw you guys..im going
home

Freehold Retorno
Is the captcha phrase for this
A perfect first line

You've got to watch out
If you go to Canada
Scott is such a dick!

Mr Hankey saves!
Praise him and sing Howdy Ho!
You smell like flowers.

no comprende

Mal Hacienda
Yo no deseo taco
Americano

the cloudless blue sky
yet another year rolls by
and still, here am i

hmm mutually assured
destruction through haiku, how
old fashioned i say

Hey, move your foot please
or I could just chop it off.
Either way is fine

it is easy to get
ensnared when one is not
paying attention

to other things than the
snare The Obstacle is the way
Ryan Holiday