Playing sudoku made me bored so I thought I'd write a haiku, but it was too difficult to count the syllables, so I gave up, drank a beer, took a shit and a nap, in that order, so I wouldn't shit the bed, woke up and didn't care about anything.
So I got fucked up on too much cappuccino, read a book, and masturbated pretending that I was Abraham Lincoln waging war against the Japanese, capturing the women and forcing them to write haiku about how awesome I am.
The book store people didn't appreciate that until I grabbed some random book off the book shelf and told them I was here for my book signing. They gave me a large nice pen and three bikini babes and a hotel room after, just like on WWF or MMA or Nascar or something.
I'll do that more often.

Mostly theremin
And Japanese people
Chanting "Godzilla"

The Naughty Haiku
That's a good name for a band
That plays weird music

well if there's bad and
i mean bad haiku what of
the naughty haiku?

I went to go pee,
but the door said "gentlemen".
So I went outside.

All new Hasbro
Action figure manger scene.
Kung fu grip Joseph.

Silicone boob jobs
look absolutely stupid,
like big silly cones.

I won't lie but I
Tell truths unbelievable
To my enemies

Evil tobacco
You are a bad thing for me
Hop you go away

Yet

That clay pot is smashed
And my family's broken
I'm not a healer

Some sign contracts
With the devil, I work for the other guy
And I'm going to sign on the dotted line

It's the end of time
Has been for quite a while now
Nothing stays the same

saracatic jokes will
be with humanity till
tne end of the world

because of the end of the world

screw you guys..im going
home

Freehold Retorno
Is the captcha phrase for this
A perfect first line

You've got to watch out
If you go to Canada
Scott is such a dick!

Mr Hankey saves!
Praise him and sing Howdy Ho!
You smell like flowers.

no comprende

Mal Hacienda
Yo no deseo taco
Americano

the cloudless blue sky
yet another year rolls by
and still, here am i

hmm mutually assured
destruction through haiku, how
old fashioned i say

Hey, move your foot please
or I could just chop it off.
Either way is fine

it is easy to get
ensnared when one is not
paying attention

to other things than the
snare The Obstacle is the way
Ryan Holiday

ah tricksters play a
hero role sometimes, bilbo
was one but then he

was the HERO

Tangled web he weaves
He only knows to deceive
Not much to believe

Pregnant wilderness
Sunlight shines down trough leaves
Chipmunk humps pinecone

Bumper car electrocution.
Ferris wheel ejector seat.
Complementary popcorn.

Gay marsupial.
Cancerous humping jackal.
Three less-than-wise men.

I would give my left
Testicle for free healthcare
And education

Suicide is good.
Then there are less sad people.
Donald Trump said that.

we do best when we
are at our most natural
when these folks in say

college are all
drugs, suicide and angry
it's the 1990s

not my time yet

I told my roommate the candy
He had in the freezer was amazing...
He said you owe me sixty dollars

I've done PCP
Twice - it was by accident
So it doesn't count

There is no justice
We know the world is not fair
The lies they tell kids

oh and to think i
want a green symbiont headed
female mage in my life

where is the justice in not
being able to have that happen

Emotional intelligence > IQ
Case in point: Donald Trump's
Entire life and career
Trump DF 2020

In three thousand years philosophy still hasn't got beyond the "if it's in the mind, then it must be real" phase.
South Park did a mini-series on that called Imaginationland.
I'll save you the suspense. Kyle sucks Cartman's balls. In Imaginationland.
So that means I've fucked more hot babes than Hugh Hefner. And I just shagged my cute little secretary all night long while my fat wife was tied up and forced to watch.
But now Hef's magazine is including transgender "women" and I only wish my car was a Transformer so I could destroy a few military installations and wipe out all large population centers and save the earth. Because it's mine anyway.
All I want for Christmas is these fucking parasites off my planet. Is that too much to ask, Jesus Claus? Is it?!
Happy Kwanzaa!.... or something.

Vaping is gay. That much is real.

one will read what one
reads, free will is the way of
all in the world now

I had a dream I was talking to a dog
His English wasn't very good
I was just impressed he understood

How much should one read?
Almost seems like a lost art.
Most prefer pictures.

I have a big poop
His name is Shittin
I'll never trust him as a sandwich

I have a big snake
His name is Satan
I'll never trust him as a necklace

If there are only physical phenomena
There is no mind, in which case
This isn't happening

potus sounds
like a marvel villian name likr
modoc or...zorgo

baron mordo, doctor doom

Jesus died?!

Circular logic is circular
Jesus didn't die for sin
Circular logic is circular

If not for Jesus,
there would never be a Grinch,
to steal Christmas!

If you never sin,
then Jesus was crucified
for nothing but gifts.

And I guess for kicks.

we wouls miss out though
on mister grinch who i think
should be year around...

if we went back too far

Christmases of yore.
1950s thereabouts.
Set the time machine.