Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years, 254 Days and 71038 Haikus later...

Playing sudoku made me bored so I thought I'd write a haiku, but it was too difficult to count the syllables, so I gave up, drank a beer, took a shit and a nap, in that order, so I wouldn't shit the bed, woke up and didn't care about anything.
So I got fucked up on too much cappuccino, read a book, and masturbated pretending that I was Abraham Lincoln waging war against the Japanese, capturing the women and forcing them to write haiku about how awesome I am.
The book store people didn't appreciate that until I grabbed some random book off the book shelf and told them I was here for my book signing. They gave me a large nice pen and three bikini babes and a hotel room after, just like on WWF or MMA or Nascar or something.
I'll do that more often.
Haiku # 57823, December 23, 2017 12:01 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Mostly theremin
And Japanese people
Chanting "Godzilla"
Haiku # 57822, December 22, 2017 7:42 pm ET
by Bad Haiku (the band) of my imagination
The Naughty Haiku
That's a good name for a band
That plays weird music
Haiku # 57821, December 22, 2017 6:22 pm ET
by Adorable Kittens
well if there's bad and
i mean bad haiku what of
the naughty haiku?
Haiku # 57820, December 22, 2017 1:48 pm ET
by vhs
I went to go pee,
but the door said "gentlemen".
So I went outside.
Haiku # 57819, December 22, 2017 8:15 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
All new Hasbro
Action figure manger scene.
Kung fu grip Joseph.
Haiku # 57818, December 22, 2017 8:14 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Silicone boob jobs
look absolutely stupid,
like big silly cones.
Haiku # 57817, December 22, 2017 8:12 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
I won't lie but I
Tell truths unbelievable
To my enemies
Haiku # 57816, December 21, 2017 11:21 pm ET
by Adam Ben Adam
Evil tobacco
You are a bad thing for me
Hop you go away
Haiku # 57815, December 21, 2017 11:21 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Yet
Haiku # 57814, December 21, 2017 6:33 pm ET
by Adam Ben Adam
That clay pot is smashed
And my family's broken
I'm not a healer
Haiku # 57813, December 21, 2017 6:33 pm ET
by Adam Ben Adam
Some sign contracts
With the devil, I work for the other guy
And I'm going to sign on the dotted line
Haiku # 57812, December 21, 2017 1:09 pm ET
by Adam Ben Adam
It's the end of time
Has been for quite a while now
Nothing stays the same
Haiku # 57811, December 21, 2017 1:07 pm ET
by dvd
saracatic jokes will
be with humanity till
tne end of the world

because of the end of the world
Haiku # 57810, December 21, 2017 12:07 pm ET
by vhs
screw you guys..im going
home
Haiku # 57809, December 21, 2017 10:03 am ET
by cartman
Freehold Retorno
Is the captcha phrase for this
A perfect first line
Haiku # 57808, December 21, 2017 1:14 am ET
by Adorable Kittens
You've got to watch out
If you go to Canada
Scott is such a dick!
Haiku # 57807, December 20, 2017 4:44 pm ET
by Kyle Broflovski of South Park, CO
Mr Hankey saves!
Praise him and sing Howdy Ho!
You smell like flowers.
Haiku # 57806, December 19, 2017 4:41 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
no comprende
Haiku # 57805, December 19, 2017 12:27 pm ET
by vhs
Mal Hacienda
Yo no deseo taco
Americano
Haiku # 57804, December 19, 2017 1:01 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
the cloudless blue sky
yet another year rolls by
and still, here am i
Haiku # 57803, December 18, 2017 8:32 pm ET
by ash
hmm mutually assured
destruction through haiku, how
old fashioned i say
Haiku # 57802, December 18, 2017 8:28 am ET
by vhs
Hey, move your foot please
or I could just chop it off.
Either way is fine
Haiku # 57801, December 17, 2017 11:06 pm ET
by Acts Murderer
it is easy to get
ensnared when one is not
paying attention

to other things than the
snare The Obstacle is the way
Ryan Holiday
Haiku # 57800, December 17, 2017 2:12 pm ET
by vhs
ah tricksters play a
hero role sometimes, bilbo
was one but then he

was the HERO
Haiku # 57799, December 17, 2017 1:57 pm ET
by vhs
Tangled web he weaves
He only knows to deceive
Not much to believe
Haiku # 57798, December 17, 2017 11:39 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Pregnant wilderness
Sunlight shines down trough leaves
Chipmunk humps pinecone
Haiku # 57797, December 17, 2017 1:07 am ET
by Super Ate
Bumper car electrocution.
Ferris wheel ejector seat.
Complementary popcorn.
Haiku # 57796, December 16, 2017 10:15 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Gay marsupial.
Cancerous humping jackal.
Three less-than-wise men.
Haiku # 57795, December 16, 2017 10:11 pm ET
by Bernie Sander's Middle Testicle
I would give my left
Testicle for free healthcare
And education
Haiku # 57794, December 16, 2017 6:34 pm ET
by Bernie Sanders' right testicle
Suicide is good.
Then there are less sad people.
Donald Trump said that.
Haiku # 57793, December 16, 2017 12:56 pm ET
by Bernie Sanders' left testicle
we do best when we
are at our most natural
when these folks in say

college are all
drugs, suicide and angry
it's the 1990s

not my time yet
Haiku # 57792, December 16, 2017 11:35 am ET
by vhs
I told my roommate the candy
He had in the freezer was amazing...
He said you owe me sixty dollars
Haiku # 57791, December 16, 2017 2:37 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
I've done PCP
Twice - it was by accident
So it doesn't count
Haiku # 57790, December 16, 2017 2:33 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
There is no justice
We know the world is not fair
The lies they tell kids
Haiku # 57789, December 16, 2017 2:08 am ET
by Adorable Kittens
oh and to think i
want a green symbiont headed
female mage in my life

where is the justice in not
being able to have that happen
Haiku # 57788, December 15, 2017 11:33 am ET
by vhs
Emotional intelligence > IQ
Case in point: Donald Trump's
Entire life and career
Trump DF 2020
Haiku # 57787, December 14, 2017 4:43 pm ET
by dvd
In three thousand years philosophy still hasn't got beyond the "if it's in the mind, then it must be real" phase.
South Park did a mini-series on that called Imaginationland.
I'll save you the suspense. Kyle sucks Cartman's balls. In Imaginationland.
So that means I've fucked more hot babes than Hugh Hefner. And I just shagged my cute little secretary all night long while my fat wife was tied up and forced to watch.
But now Hef's magazine is including transgender "women" and I only wish my car was a Transformer so I could destroy a few military installations and wipe out all large population centers and save the earth. Because it's mine anyway.
All I want for Christmas is these fucking parasites off my planet. Is that too much to ask, Jesus Claus? Is it?!
Happy Kwanzaa!.... or something.

Vaping is gay. That much is real.
Haiku # 57786, December 14, 2017 4:13 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
one will read what one
reads, free will is the way of
all in the world now
Haiku # 57785, December 14, 2017 1:13 pm ET
by vhs
I had a dream I was talking to a dog
His English wasn't very good
I was just impressed he understood
Haiku # 57784, December 14, 2017 12:44 pm ET
by dvd
How much should one read?
Almost seems like a lost art.
Most prefer pictures.
Haiku # 57783, December 14, 2017 1:12 am ET
by Adorable Kittens
I have a big poop
His name is Shittin
I'll never trust him as a sandwich
Haiku # 57782, December 13, 2017 5:51 pm ET
by Atlas Pooped
I have a big snake
His name is Satan
I'll never trust him as a necklace
Haiku # 57781, December 13, 2017 2:06 pm ET
by Adam Ben Adam
If there are only physical phenomena
There is no mind, in which case
This isn't happening
Haiku # 57780, December 13, 2017 12:49 pm ET
by Drowsy Philosopher
potus sounds
like a marvel villian name likr
modoc or...zorgo

baron mordo, doctor doom
Haiku # 57779, December 13, 2017 9:22 am ET
by vhs
Jesus died?!
Haiku # 57777, December 13, 2017 2:16 am ET
by Confused Muslim
Circular logic is circular
Jesus didn't die for sin
Circular logic is circular
Haiku # 57776, December 13, 2017 2:13 am ET
by Tiny Circles
If not for Jesus,
there would never be a Grinch,
to steal Christmas!

If you never sin,
then Jesus was crucified
for nothing but gifts.

And I guess for kicks.
Haiku # 57775, December 12, 2017 11:25 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
we wouls miss out though
on mister grinch who i think
should be year around...

if we went back too far
Haiku # 57774, December 12, 2017 10:11 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Christmases of yore.
1950s thereabouts.
Set the time machine.
Haiku # 57773, December 12, 2017 1:48 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
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