So few musicians
Are spawned in bubbling vats
Or so they tell us

I can''t bend the moon
But I''d like to ask for the
Iron Catalogue please.

down in the backyard
a rabbit-shit factory
processes pellets

splashing in the tank
transmorphic amphibian
not quite a frog

stove clock malfunctions
unexpected beeping sounds
fifty-four o''clock

Less and less items
Are made triangularly
And soon there''ll be none

A minor seventh
Sends me spiralling downwards
Like a falling leaf

Radio aerial
Inside my head lies broken
Reception is poor

An inflatable
Vagina lurks by the steps
Who could have left it?

Are your cameras
Always pointing at the sky
Photographing stars?

If I were wealthy
I''d style my hair like that girl
From the Cardigans

If I were a font
I''d have a little x-height
and true descenders

Do those frail creatures
Constructed from papi

I like brown bottles
They tend to have beer in them
Which is a bonus

I wonder if God
Has gigantic fingernails
For picking his nose?

I''d be happier
If I was as poseable
As an Action Man

I was happy when
I had a new Tonka Toy
Ah, those distant days

Expressing yourself
In seventeen syllables
Is harder than you think

Mmm, Kraft Cheese Slices.
Strange how I find flat foodstuffs
quite so exciting.

Vocabulary.
Mine has gone down the toilet.
Must eat Thesaurus

I am neither nerd
nor puritan technophobe.
I am: METAGEEK

haiku are too short for me
I like really long
long long long long long long

Haikus are silly
I hate this site and Haikus
They dont even rhyme

The Bed I did wet
Straight after I liked it clean
So Mum cannot know

A lazy comet
Etches a line in the sky
Like a fingernail

The weeks that we work
Amount to nothing more than
Some weeks we worked in

My infinite well
Of witty retorts is full
Of clicking beetles

`Slike ten thousand spoons
when all you need is a spork.
Ironic, innit?

My hair all flicks up
Like Thundercat Wileykit;
defies gravity.

Lying at the end
Of this thing we call a world
Is a big knocker

The shiniest teeth
That ever shone in this world
Belong to my dog

No-one wears slippers
Any more in our culture
Which explains a lot

There''s little in life
That cannot be improved by
A shiny new pen

My owl vents hot gas
Whenever it sees "The Bill"
ITV shall pay

If I didn''t like ice cream
So much, I''d smear some on you
With a warm finger

Oh Jean Luc Picard
Are you lost deep in sub-space?
Or just chilling out?

A dog and water
Is a bad combination
If you don`t like smells

Champagne Wispa Bar?
Perverse or just misguided?
Flaming pessary!

When I was but five
I encountered flatulence
close to my head.

I have six bright balls
Which I attempt to juggle
I can manage three

My luminous tape
Sits beside me, all sticky
Like old underpants

I found a feather
Embedded in my T-shirt
Is it an omen?

Do not microwave
From frozen, the packet says
It doesn''t say why

I feel like I felt
That time when I felt funny
Only funnier

Stupid stupid bird
Cat why don''t you go eat itIf you don''t, I will!!

bob was a small boy
with a very small penis
his parents were dead

If I had some cheese
I would eat it for my lunch
As it is yummy

Microsoft is dumb
It stuffs up my computer
I hate Microsoft

Dog Breath is fun, yum!
I eat cheese every day
Run Spot Run, KABOOM!