The time to rob banks
is when you're peaking on meth,
not when coming down.

Commit seppuku.
You can't solve the sudoku.
Write your last haiku.

Your urn is raku.
And it's driving me coo-coo.
Look, it's Count Dooku!

Did you rob the bank?
Make the tellers show their tits.
Tip with stolen cash.

I just closed my eyes
The Energizer bunny
shit on my carpet

Try to imagine
Robots pooping batteries
That is our future

I tried signing up
but I haven't heard back yet
Did I get approved?

I'll never forget
smoking my first figarette
behind the old mall

Maybe a blender.
Raw fish, wasabi, lettuce,
Tomato and hamster.

Blend well, place in shell
on a bed of rice and beans.
Consume right away.

Bullfrog in moonlight.
Smoking dried cherry blossoms
through a six foot bong.

This site's moniker
happens to be BAD haiku.
Blossoms in my ass.

I think we should mix
hamsters and sushi tacos,
But I don't know how.

Now we contemplate
smoking chrysanthemum bud
extract through vape pens.

All day long I know
I'll be thinking about those
damn sushi tacos!

I'm not hungary
for tapioca pudding.
Jeez! I'm not THAT old!

Richard Gere's hamster?
She died about one year back.
No, it wasn't me!

You may ridicule.
Anal health is important.
And must be discussed.

Wait a minute here!
Mexican food in Japan?
You must tell me where!

Think sushi taco.
Literally, that's to say.
Not Asian hookers.

But maybe those too!
Sushi taco, my new fave!
But it's confusing.

Eat it or fuck it.
In Japan, anything goes.
I cannot decide.

Coming down now (sigh...)
The meth is wearing off. Damn.
Time to rob a bank.

Tell me why this site
Isn't bigger than Twitter.
It deserves to be!

Help me Uncle Clem !
I done REELAPST and caint quit.
On haiku agin.

Cherry blossoms, wind...
the lantern bridge festival
has ended: moonlight.

Therefore let us dream
of chrysanthemum blossoms
at the Kyoto gate

But seriously:
we must restore to Haiku
style and dignity.

You mention Tinkoff?
Then I may have to drink off
my Shanghai chink-off.

Hey you, Figpucker !
I heard Richard Gere's hamster
is looking for you.

Jen Psaki, wearing
Santa suit and big black boots
drunk and staggering...

She hugs a reindeer,
babbles incoherently,
vomits in the snow.

Dressed in green and red,
thousands of little Faucis
with bells on their toes.

Croaking of Covid,
Jumping and dancing in glee
waving syringes.

Now, everyone's an
Epidemiologist.
We're so well-informed...

With power there comes
great responsibility,
which isn't so fun.

No! Do NOT try it.
Tinkoff will take your dink off.
If you even care.

I live on the fez.
Those silly old Shriner hats.
I am just a louse.

I live on The Pez.
Those old dispenser candies.
That is all I eat.

Darth is "Starkitten".
Starkitten lives "on the rez".
Uh-huh. Whatever...

I'm on the toilet.
Been sitting here for some time.
Damn cheese plugged me up.

Sometimes I'd like to.
No, I don't rule anything.
That is beneath me.

There are some "lows" that
even I will not sink to.
I'll leave that to the...

politicians and dictators.

Darth rules!

I say ju gringos
Ju no know nothing for food.
Ustedes tontos.

Cui es sabroso.
Comimos sus mascotes,
Con apetito...

Hamster's lives are short.
You can make them meaningful.
Fill them up with love.

What's really awesome,
if you don't like a hamster,
feed it to the cat.

Hamsters are the best.
You can legally keep them
locked up in cages.

Frogs are not loyal.
My penis has enough warts.
Stay away from pigs.

We're all one person.
You, me, Janis, the private
investigator.

All one entity
in one titty squirting milk
into my coffee.

i know someone who
likes frogs better, is it french
or are they alp frogs?

Are you kidding me??
Hamsters can go all night long
and still ask for more.

i get this idea
its one person talking to
themselves then i post.

Darth, you foul villain,
You have now out-done yourself.
And your hamsters too....

i hope tim allen
was not reading these, he might
have went 'auuuuooohhhh?'

Underoos are great,
but the crotch has too much space
for my small penis.

I cannot decide
which Underoos I like best.
Batman or The Flash.

A true narcissist
wanks in front of the mirror
smelling their undies.

Much like a poet
who writes only for themselves
while eating fine cheese.