there goes that red car
love those little red Insights
gonna get me one

moon over parma
give my love to you tonight
HOW I HATE CLEVELAND!

Please, no more doctors!
Hate it when they take my blood.
That's mine, give it back!

I better dance now.
Let me be your fantasy.
You can be mine.

Seven moons still shine
Nine moons coming through the now
Leaves two moons wondering.

Got blackberry tea,
Got a silver spoon, on a...
oh, wait, that's Pink Floyd.

9th, 7th, either
i still haven't gotten my
moons one through six, then

Sweet and sticky, huh?
No wonder I crave this stuff
mostly all the time.

Ninth moon should have been
Seventh moon but nobody
understands that, so....

Don't worry 'bout me,
the "fourth" way - I've got Ray Bans
look pretty good, too =)

that ain't PB, girl!
oh sure, it's sweet and sticky
but it's something else...

your name is a lie
I haven't seen any butt!
where are my 9 moons?

This, peanut butter,
is the most marvelous of
Mother Earth's yummies.

the 9th vampire
here she comes, scared of ol Sol.
Go to the light, girl

Oh, no, the sun breaks!
Run away, run away, hide!
The sun hurts my skin.

murder/suicide
with explosive lipstick on.
give me a big kiss

tap my frozen balls
with a solid sledgehammer
watch them crack open

Am I working now?
No, I post bad haiku for you.
Procrastinaiku.

roll the window down
-cool night air is curious
maynard & deftones

Bowels constricting,
you're in proximilitude
to my requesticles.

I want to get close
Closer and closer to your
Proximilitude.

Things are getting worse
Each passing moment it gains
Horriblocity.

Intestines vibrate
With the vigor of the vicar
I'm not built for this.

Make the lie a truth
If you bend it enough you
Veracificate.

I quit my
job today! hooray,
finally

I quit my
job today! hooray,
finally

To Miss Everything
Tie dying while high flying
Altitudinous.

Some in sarcasm say how can this be
A haiku - your syllables are all wrong
And I say, read it in Japanese, man.

high speed fecal spray
jet-splatters the zoo keeper
sleeping aft dumbo

hey, teach-

since when do the old
and sickly fashion tie-dyes
in memorium?

Clench, unclench, release.
Such is the way of nature.
Flow with the fluid.

Someone yells, "Catch this!"
As they toss the grenade's pin,
poor stupid person.

Hearts are learning how
To spell "dying" with a 'Y'
As it should be done.

His mouth hangs open
No words spoken, empty
They are too impure.

spring fever

hearts are laughing
but there's no joy in Mudville
hearts are crying

hearts are cheering
Mighty Casey has struck out
hearts are dieing

Stars I have, countless
I see them all, why cower
and hide from the light?

Animal butt funk
Like a deranged Godfather
Of Soul with clench-marks

my spark is your star
unreached, unattainable
you can not have this

Intellectuals
Crave what they've driven away
The spark is hiding.

id ego super-
ego, where have they gone to?
badhaikudotcom

To Stang: Funk I have,
Thick Funk by the bucketful
Alas, none to share.

i think there's a word
for folks who post such haiku:
they're called freudian.

I am protesting
the use of such pure haiku
for haiku like these

Creativity
Springs not from the clenched sphincter
But from a free mind.

I oppose no art
No art do I oppose, it's
only bad haiku

constancy is life
purest beauty, i crave your
animal butt funk

that's what she asked in
a fouler mood when I was
bored and just lonely

them bisexuals
in chat rooms I guess scared me
today, I think, now

Cannibal Bob says,
What should I think when you say,
Eat me! Eat me! Now!

All who oppose art
Even the stanky verse here
Should be more childlike.

we have so much time
it seems, waste it on jokes which
a toddler could make