Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 213 Days and 77128 Haiku later...

You'll never forget
that rollercoaster handjob
and neither will I
Haiku # 70493, April 20, 2021 7:49 pm ET
by Person who was seated behind you of Something in my eye
Dogs ate the cat's puke.
In fact they fought over it.
That's one proud feline.
Haiku # 70492, April 20, 2021 7:44 pm ET
by Alvin Kibel, Professor Emeritus of MIT School of Literature
MIT Chem 1 exam question:
Calculate the number of fart molecules adsorbed onto your toothbrush bristles the morning after your uncle Phineas stayed over, assuming (1) he made his famous jalepeno chili cheese burgers and (2) first order reaction kinetics. The Henry's Law constant for methane is 0.0014 M/atm and the percent methane in uncle Phineas' farts is 8.32%. Ignore other gases. List any other assumptions you need to make in order to perform the calculations. Blowjobs or cocaine will also be accepted for credit on this question.
Haiku # 70491, April 20, 2021 7:35 pm ET
by Professor Buchwald of Dreyfus Building, Room 420
You need a blowjob
from a sexy octopus.
Stay away from squids.
Haiku # 70490, April 20, 2021 5:24 pm ET
by "It doesn't matter when it's Arcturian, baby."
Thought twat fought brought snot.
Bring sling string my ding-a-ling.
12(-299.6)-0-3(24.4)=-3668.4 kJ
Spontaneous humpabillity factor.
K-Tel Hits of the 70s!
Haiku # 70489, April 20, 2021 4:28 pm ET
by You bought it!
The fart molecules
caught in your toothbrush moustache
Gesundheit, assholes!
Haiku # 70486, April 20, 2021 10:37 am ET
by Rug Doctor of Carpet Chewers Anonymous
It wasn’t sleep apnea
Just dick in the mouth
Haiku # 70485, April 20, 2021 8:19 am ET
by Insomniac of One eye open
This "place" feels awkward.
I wish I never found it.
Each time my soul's raped.
Haiku # 70484, April 20, 2021 7:03 am ET
by 8 yo boy signs up for nambla of At least he gets candy.
Cast iron cooking
Pa's astounding morning wood
Prairie Memories
Haiku # 70483, April 19, 2021 11:31 pm ET
by Prairie Dawg of Awaiting bone
Jeff Epstein's Mother
wouldn't have written a note
No excuses, Perv!
Haiku # 70482, April 19, 2021 11:26 pm ET
by Penis Mandoline of Hell's Kitchen
The testicle twins
Christened Gnip and Gnop
Pocket ping pong champs
Haiku # 70481, April 19, 2021 11:19 pm ET
by Balls of To the Walls
I don't have any
Heard tell of a vagina
that was named Boss Hog
Haiku # 70480, April 19, 2021 11:16 pm ET
by Your TV Guide of Couch
Welcome Back Kotter
Little House on the Prairie
The Bob Newhart Show
Haiku # 70479, April 19, 2021 10:14 pm ET
by TV for the dying
Should one name their balls?
Lots of options to choose from
Donny and Marie?
Haiku # 70478, April 19, 2021 7:28 pm ET
by Professor Plum
Jojo you are off.
It's five-seven-five or walk.
We aint play around.
Haiku # 70477, April 19, 2021 6:00 pm ET
by Tyrone of Tha Haiku Streetz
Death arrives
And Death leaves,
With an audible silence.
Haiku # 70476, April 19, 2021 5:34 pm ET
by jojo
Opened up this can
Of worms and wiggly snakes
Please pee on my breasts
Haiku # 70475, April 19, 2021 4:19 pm ET
by Sethe of Golden Shower Land
My white-ass mother
Placed me on her little knee
Big Black Penises
Haiku # 70474, April 19, 2021 4:17 pm ET
by Sleitch of hchx
Wrong won! Bang big gong!
White wong-ring bang fat hung gong.
Right wing wrong gang win!
Haiku # 70472, April 19, 2021 3:31 pm ET
by Chinee Dr. Seuss of Twing-touster
Wing holding left wang.
Wright holding wrong wong (white ring)
Wrong white-wing ring gong!
Haiku # 70471, April 19, 2021 3:20 pm ET
by Gong Li of Chinese Fire-drill
Gum holding wing on
Just the Wright amount of wrong
2 brothers get high
Haiku # 70470, April 19, 2021 11:09 am ET
by OG Cheech and Chong of High AF up in Smoke
Wright brother's first flight
Nineteen of three. First mars flight
Twenty twenty one
Haiku # 70469, April 19, 2021 9:34 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
historic first flight on Mars
Lifting my spirits too
Haiku # 70468, April 19, 2021 9:33 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Wait...that old hippie
Were you looking in mirror
when you wrote that one?
Haiku # 70467, April 18, 2021 10:12 pm ET
by R. Your Balls of Named Cheech and Chong?
Wait...that old hippie
We’re you looking in mirror
when you wrote that one?
Haiku # 70466, April 18, 2021 10:12 pm ET
by R. Your Balls of Named Cheech and Chong?
Darth, you sexy thing
I bet you could fly the plane
with your genitals
Haiku # 70465, April 18, 2021 10:08 pm ET
by Aviatrix of Headed for the cockpit
Let's go for pizza.
Sao Paulo is amazing.
So my jet or yours?
Haiku # 70464, April 18, 2021 9:55 pm ET
by Old Italian grandma immigrants. of Best pizza in the world!!!
Are you at Arby’s?
They serve sweaty roast beef there
Dabbed with thick white sauce
Haiku # 70463, April 18, 2021 9:39 pm ET
by I. Wish of You would take me to lunch (but somewhere nice)
Old hippie here now.
Testes falling out his shorts.
Genital pride day?!?
Haiku # 70462, April 18, 2021 8:29 pm ET
by Why can't it be hottie 19 yo or something?! of God... life.
Coffee shop lezbos.
Shorts expose their vaginas.
Looks like raw bacon.
Haiku # 70461, April 18, 2021 8:16 pm ET
by Think I'll skip breakfast this morning. of Just a coffee, thanks.
I read the playbill
Look here, it says Jac-Vac scene
Darth, You're such a ham!
Haiku # 70460, April 18, 2021 7:04 pm ET
by Patron of the arts of Off Off Off Off Broadway
Not so fast, poet
I didn't get the shot yet
Should have saved your load
Haiku # 70459, April 18, 2021 5:24 pm ET
by Noticer of Details of Eyes on You
I work at Pfizer.
Jacked off in the vaccine batch.
High cooz in your head.
Haiku # 70458, April 18, 2021 6:31 am ET
by Now you're infected!
Vaccines make you gay.
I mean, you're already gay.
But now you're more gay.
Haiku # 70457, April 18, 2021 6:18 am ET
by Pray the Gay Away!
Don't wait! Vaccinate!
Don't wanna be Covid bait
Stay in healthy state
Haiku # 70456, April 18, 2021 5:28 am ET
by Noticer of Details of Noticing You
Have someone bumped off
Coming soon to Amazon
2-Day Fulfillment
Haiku # 70455, April 17, 2021 11:47 pm ET
by P. Ann O’Ire of Irish Mafia
Soccer or football....
No matter what you might call it...
Still boring as hell
Haiku # 70454, April 17, 2021 1:41 pm ET
by Orange slices at half-time
Haiku Convention
Match the face with the poems
Yes, Darth, there’s free cheese
Haiku # 70453, April 16, 2021 8:22 pm ET
by Hello my name is of No Tell Hotel
I took a dump there
Wiped my ass with sharp pine cones
Then I soldiered on
Haiku # 70452, April 16, 2021 3:21 pm ET
by I. M. Chafed of Trailing Toilet Paper
Appalachian trail
Appalachian trail. Apple
ate shin chair. Adam.
Haiku # 70451, April 16, 2021 2:33 pm ET
by Not Adam of Home
Collective malaise
Thin veneer of decorum
Divided by tech
Haiku # 70450, April 16, 2021 2:32 pm ET
by Not Adam of Home
Scrub a dub a doo
Lift the brown stains of your poo
Toilet looks like new
Haiku # 70449, April 15, 2021 3:31 pm ET
by Tidy Azmodius of Latrine
Come to me demons
I summon thee with haiku
Now clean my toilet
Haiku # 70448, April 15, 2021 8:52 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Only Dart-filth now...
This site has become boring
Since it got new look
Haiku # 70447, April 15, 2021 8:00 am ET
by Bored Visitor
To summon demons
Pick seventeen syllables
We'll call it haiku
Haiku # 70446, April 14, 2021 10:21 pm ET
by Author of Demons for Dummies
Hey, what about me?
Jeffrey wants in on it too.
I'll bring whipping cream
Haiku # 70445, April 14, 2021 9:02 pm ET
by Mangina Garten of Hamptons
I’d get in on that
There’d be lots of good weed first
Nice dinner after
Haiku # 70444, April 14, 2021 5:37 pm ET
by Author of Martha, Snoop and Me
Please imagine this
Martha and Snoop get it on
No need to thank me
Haiku # 70443, April 14, 2021 12:39 pm ET
by Jack the Zipper
A donut filled with
McKenzie Phillips’ zit puss
and Schneider's semen
Haiku # 70442, April 14, 2021 6:50 am ET
by From the makers of Tom Bosley’s Warm Load Eggwich
My night with Martha
The way she gripped my stiff rod
Like a hot glue gun
Haiku # 70441, April 14, 2021 5:39 am ET
by Fucked hard by Martha Stewart of Connecticut, usa
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