Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years, 148 Days and 70424 Haikus later...

When Ted Bundy
drives up in his Volkswagen
don’t wave back at him
Haiku # 70025, February 5, 2021 10:47 pm ET
by (Puget) Sound Advice of Undisclosed
Unsolved Mysteries
I can’t get through the theme song
Cue bowel movement
Haiku # 70024, February 5, 2021 10:37 pm ET
by Pavlov’s Log of Freshly cut
Try this dewormer
Must be taken rectally
Wait. It will crawl out.
Haiku # 70023, February 5, 2021 8:40 pm ET
by Free Pet Worm of with Certificate of Adoption
I would never shit you;
You're my favorite turd.
Eternally full of shit.

Constipateternalpooabilitylicious.
That's a new medical condition I just made up.
Watch the Social Security checks roll in.
Haiku # 70022, February 5, 2021 6:49 pm ET
by Don't you love parasites.
I'd like to kill some folks.
I know some deserve it.
But you know how it goes.
Haiku # 70021, February 5, 2021 5:34 am ET
by I just kill beers.
Jelly fish jizz fest
Cephalopod circle jerk
Where sea foam comes from
Haiku # 70020, February 5, 2021 2:43 am ET
by Jacques Itch Cousteau of talking fish fart molecule
It’s like you’re my friend
who just might also be a
serial killer
Even if you are
I don’t think you would kill me
So that means we’re friends
Haiku # 70019, February 5, 2021 2:30 am ET
by Your friend of Under old willow
Cross marijuana with
Venus fly traps and make
cannibal cannabis.
Haiku # 70018, February 5, 2021 2:27 am ET
by Go eat yourself. of Feed me, Seymour!
Hot Dog Ministry
The preacher was a midget
He got arrested

Unless I dreamed this
To the best of my knowledge
It’s a true story
Haiku # 70017, February 5, 2021 2:22 am ET
by Frank of Undisclosed
Pink Floyd and cannibals.
It's just like you know me.
But I'm not sure you do.
Haiku # 70016, February 5, 2021 2:22 am ET
by Another life, another death. of Where will it all end.
Hall and Oates for President
In another dimension
Yes, they are conjoined
Haiku # 70015, February 5, 2021 1:07 am ET
by John Boy Walton’s Mole of Admiring a certain moustache
Whoa-oh here she comes,
Watch out boy she'll chew you up,
She's a Maneater.
Haiku # 70014, February 5, 2021 12:30 am ET
by Cayman of Illinois
Haiku hookup
Let’s meet behind the old Mall
Wear your Pink Floyd shirt
Haiku # 70013, February 4, 2021 10:24 pm ET
by Valentine of Getting 2 milkshakes
Why aren't foot fetishists
instead called pedophiles
and pedos called shark food?
Haiku # 70012, February 4, 2021 9:13 pm ET
by Makes more sense that way, yeah?
What's with the pigeon poo?
Pooping on your statues?
Birds' statutory rape?
Haiku # 70011, February 4, 2021 9:09 pm ET
by budda boom budda bing
Have a sperm donation.
There might be seventeen.
That's more than you deserve.

I might have given more
if I was seventeen.
Like seventeen billion.
Haiku # 70010, February 4, 2021 9:06 pm ET
by 666 -- Deal with it! of It's really not all that evil. Not that I can tell.
Help Wanted/Part Time
Seeking reliable help
with pigeon droppings
Haiku # 70009, February 4, 2021 8:24 pm ET
by Ker Splat of Sidewalk
We appreciate
your seventeen syllable
donation. Thank you.
Haiku # 70008, February 4, 2021 8:18 pm ET
by The Management of Under old willow
I once wrote a haiku.
It was about sudoku.
It was boring as hell.
I threw it down a well.
Play with my Dragonballz, Goku.
Haiku # 70007, February 4, 2021 4:49 pm ET
by Great balls of fire!
The canine gymnast
applies resin to toenails
Stands straight. Licks his ass.
Haiku # 70006, February 4, 2021 3:47 pm ET
by Noticer of Details of Sporting Event
prova
Haiku # 70005, February 4, 2021 2:55 pm ET
by Lucy of ok
Hey! Old Confucian --
Yeah, YOU with the stupid hat . . .
What are you, Chinese ?
Haiku # 70004, February 4, 2021 9:08 am ET
by Venerable Ancestor of Prosperous Son
Haiku 70000 refers to haiku 69849
Haiku # 70003, February 4, 2021 6:26 am ET
by Noticer of Details of Guac Watch
https://youtu.be/xfSEKTlua3g
Haiku # 70002, February 4, 2021 4:34 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Tonight's Assignment
If God made you a racehorse
what would your name be?
Haiku # 70001, February 4, 2021 4:22 am ET
by Endless Thunder Hallucination of Paddock
Guacamole, sir?
Freshly made at your table
By the GREEN GIANT

Vegetable discharge
Goodyear blimp floats overhead
Now the halftime show

Beyonce upchucks
in the mouth of Bruno Mars!
No deflated balls
Haiku # 70000, February 4, 2021 4:11 am ET
by Howard Cosell of Ghoul Form
Who's in the Super Bowl?
What's in the toilet bowl.
Fritoes in the chip bowl.
Haiku # 69999, February 4, 2021 3:20 am ET
by Let's go bowling.
Refering to South Park.
You've really won my heart.
Turpentine Valentine.
Haiku # 69998, February 4, 2021 3:16 am ET
by Go Broncos! of or whoever. I don't care.
Get your fried assholes!
Hot Beer Battered Fried Assholes!
Come on you Assholes!
Haiku # 69997, February 4, 2021 3:02 am ET
by D. jected of Haiku Stadium
It's incredible
I think I just conjured you
to write a poem
Haiku # 69996, February 4, 2021 2:29 am ET
by R. U. Agenie? of Holding Bottle
Haiku Stadium
Stands filled with cardboard cutouts
That's what this is like
Haiku # 69995, February 4, 2021 2:26 am ET
by D. jected
Sounds like calamari.
Battered, fried, serve with beer.
Assholes eating assjoles.
Haiku # 69994, February 4, 2021 2:19 am ET
by Sphincter cannibals from outer space!
A bag of assholes
They look like elastic bands
but they are assholes
Haiku # 69993, February 3, 2021 11:32 pm ET
by Baked not Fried of As seen on Shark Tank
I saw your beaver
yesterday at Gobbler’s Knob
Where was the groundhog?
Haiku # 69992, February 3, 2021 11:28 pm ET
by Gobbler of Knob
Cats in outer space
will need specialized helmets
for their pointy ears
Haiku # 69991, February 3, 2021 11:12 pm ET
by gatita estrella of Tuna fish Rocket
https://youtu.be/sw3_5AaWBIY
Haiku # 69990, February 3, 2021 8:50 pm ET
by Buckets of Buckets
I want to order
some of those buckets for you
So you’ll be prepared
Haiku # 69989, February 3, 2021 8:44 pm ET
by Going to Hell in a bucket of Enjoying the ride
Electricity
You only need a smidgen
Here, sit in this chair
Haiku # 69988, February 3, 2021 8:42 pm ET
by Reddy Kilowatt of Bzzzzzzzzt Bzzzzzzzt Zap
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A-8vQCIVO6M
Haiku # 69987, February 3, 2021 5:49 pm ET
by Here's a Dork Lard!
Do you wanna "finish"
in the Finnish sauna
with flora and fauna?
Haiku # 69986, February 3, 2021 5:46 pm ET
by Thank you. Come again!
I prefer the cheaper
Ho Hos 'cause my hose knows.
For ho's it grows and grows.

Dead prostitute in trunk?
Just run over a skunk
to well disguise the smell.

But bleach not useful.
You need experience.
Maybe muriatic.

And a large plastic drum
with a tight fitting lid.
Speaking of tight, she did.
Haiku # 69985, February 3, 2021 5:43 pm ET
by If you need someone to manage your CIA torture chamber of course, just let me know.
The Finnish sauna
You may see wrinkled ding dongs
You might enjoy it
Haiku # 69984, February 3, 2021 5:23 pm ET
by Come to Finland of Sauna
Found your To Do List
Zip ties, bleach, shovel
You’re so organized
Haiku # 69983, February 3, 2021 5:19 pm ET
by Noticer of Details of Nearby
Checking under hens
to see if they laid an egg
gave him a boner

Adjusting his pants
The farmer contemplated
the age old question
Haiku # 69982, February 3, 2021 5:09 pm ET
by The Farmer (Al Bumen) came first of All cooped up
https://youtu.be/RAm_ySvjsUg
Haiku # 69981, February 3, 2021 4:45 pm ET
by Let’s Dance
PLACE YOUR ORDER NOW!
Jim Bakker’s End Times Buckets
for Food and Feces
Haiku # 69980, February 3, 2021 4:38 pm ET
by A. Pocalypse of Right Here Right Now
Running my fingers
over your nearly bald head
and Frankenstein bolts
Haiku # 69979, February 3, 2021 4:25 pm ET
by I love the Monster of this website made you
"If I say it's safe to
surf this beach, Captain, then
it's safe to surf this beach!"
Haiku # 69978, February 3, 2021 3:52 pm ET
by Lieutenant Colonel Kilgore
Never been to Luzon.
Let me just say "Charlie
don't surf!" You get me now?
Haiku # 69977, February 3, 2021 3:44 pm ET
by Great movie.
Sometimes I hold my breath.
But only when I fart.
Or maybe muff diving.
Haiku # 69976, February 3, 2021 3:40 pm ET
by Is that a piece of balot?!
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