Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years, 254 Days and 71038 Haikus later...

Sounds like calamari.
Battered, fried, serve with beer.
Assholes eating assjoles.
Haiku # 69994, February 4, 2021 2:19 am ET
by Sphincter cannibals from outer space!
A bag of assholes
They look like elastic bands
but they are assholes
Haiku # 69993, February 3, 2021 11:32 pm ET
by Baked not Fried of As seen on Shark Tank
I saw your beaver
yesterday at Gobbler’s Knob
Where was the groundhog?
Haiku # 69992, February 3, 2021 11:28 pm ET
by Gobbler of Knob
Cats in outer space
will need specialized helmets
for their pointy ears
Haiku # 69991, February 3, 2021 11:12 pm ET
by gatita estrella of Tuna fish Rocket
I want to order
some of those buckets for you
So you’ll be prepared
Haiku # 69989, February 3, 2021 8:44 pm ET
by Going to Hell in a bucket of Enjoying the ride
Electricity
You only need a smidgen
Here, sit in this chair
Haiku # 69988, February 3, 2021 8:42 pm ET
by Reddy Kilowatt of Bzzzzzzzzt Bzzzzzzzt Zap
Do you wanna "finish"
in the Finnish sauna
with flora and fauna?
Haiku # 69986, February 3, 2021 5:46 pm ET
by Thank you. Come again!
I prefer the cheaper
Ho Hos 'cause my hose knows.
For ho's it grows and grows.

Dead prostitute in trunk?
Just run over a skunk
to well disguise the smell.

But bleach not useful.
You need experience.
Maybe muriatic.

And a large plastic drum
with a tight fitting lid.
Speaking of tight, she did.
Haiku # 69985, February 3, 2021 5:43 pm ET
by If you need someone to manage your CIA torture chamber of course, just let me know.
The Finnish sauna
You may see wrinkled ding dongs
You might enjoy it
Haiku # 69984, February 3, 2021 5:23 pm ET
by Come to Finland of Sauna
Found your To Do List
Zip ties, bleach, shovel
You’re so organized
Haiku # 69983, February 3, 2021 5:19 pm ET
by Noticer of Details of Nearby
Checking under hens
to see if they laid an egg
gave him a boner

Adjusting his pants
The farmer contemplated
the age old question
Haiku # 69982, February 3, 2021 5:09 pm ET
by The Farmer (Al Bumen) came first of All cooped up
PLACE YOUR ORDER NOW!
Jim Bakker’s End Times Buckets
for Food and Feces
Haiku # 69980, February 3, 2021 4:38 pm ET
by A. Pocalypse of Right Here Right Now
Running my fingers
over your nearly bald head
and Frankenstein bolts
Haiku # 69979, February 3, 2021 4:25 pm ET
by I love the Monster of this website made you
"If I say it's safe to
surf this beach, Captain, then
it's safe to surf this beach!"
Haiku # 69978, February 3, 2021 3:52 pm ET
by Lieutenant Colonel Kilgore
Never been to Luzon.
Let me just say "Charlie
don't surf!" You get me now?
Haiku # 69977, February 3, 2021 3:44 pm ET
by Great movie.
Sometimes I hold my breath.
But only when I fart.
Or maybe muff diving.
Haiku # 69976, February 3, 2021 3:40 pm ET
by Is that a piece of balot?!
Will six six six haiku
summon up a demon
or open a wormhole?
Haiku # 69975, February 3, 2021 3:35 pm ET
by We'll see... but I'm not holding my breath.
Hold on a minute now...
I am damn nearly bald.
Hair dresser my fat ass.
Haiku # 69974, February 3, 2021 3:29 pm ET
by darth's angry head
Bad Haiku News.

Pink Floyd has new member.
Gets rid of Syd Barrett.
Some guy name Dave Gilmour.

check it out here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MuNTIGdMntY
Haiku # 69973, February 3, 2021 3:26 pm ET
by In other news, my farts often smell bad.
It's supposed to be bad.
Maybe a nice puke green.
And old dot matrix font.

Maybe some pop-up ads.
Like maybe for sex chat.
Or malware installers.

It can always be worse.
But I'm happy right now.
Listening to Pink Floyd.
Haiku # 69972, February 3, 2021 3:23 pm ET
by Laughing like a madman but I can't tell you why.
Will this site ever be good again like it was?
Does Janice like it better now?
Haiku # 69971, February 3, 2021 12:08 pm ET
by Darth's Hairdresser's Boyfriend of Luzon
Ozzyman's my hero.
Boob, butts, animal fights,
and destination F.
Haiku # 69970, February 3, 2021 7:40 am ET
by What more could you want?
I have to be evil.
Sorry, that's my new rule.
Brimstone and demons wait.
Haiku # 69969, February 3, 2021 7:34 am ET
by We gonna smoke a fat blunt.
How many licks does
it take take to get to the center
of my asshole?
Haiku # 69968, February 3, 2021 7:30 am ET
by one... two... three (crunch) of Watch the peanuts.
How long would it take
you to fill up a bucket
with your own feces?
Haiku # 69967, February 3, 2021 4:22 am ET
by Fly of Fly Strip
Tonight’s Assignment
The Absolute Very Best
of Rev. Jim Bakker
Haiku # 69966, February 3, 2021 1:46 am ET
by Look up on YouTube of By Vic Berger
I just got some info.
It made me poop myself.
My laugh heard down the block.
Haiku # 69965, February 3, 2021 12:40 am ET
by I love criminals. They are soooo funny.
Caffeine seizures are fun.
But not the cramps they cause.
I'm just a gramps with cramps.
Haiku # 69964, February 2, 2021 8:02 pm ET
by Eff it, time to work. of Y'all be some lazy mo fos.
After weeks of potty training my toilet was able to roll over, speak, and jump through hoops.
Haiku # 69963, February 2, 2021 7:15 pm ET
by Am I doing it right?
Empaths on the other hand have a heightened sense of smell as well as taste. Hannibal Lecter was a sociopath, not a psychopath. There is a great difference between the two. Sociopaths are more "made into monsters" while pscychopaths are born into their role, are very greedy and self-centered, as well as manipulative. But they also often have lower than average IQ.
They also tend to be mediocre at best in everything they do. Such as baking.
The only thing they do well is huring others. Destroying them emotionally or physically. The world is better off without such individuals.
Haiku # 69962, February 2, 2021 7:12 pm ET
by How many psychos do you know. Approximately only 1% of the population falls in this category. of Two percent are sociopaths. They should go to war with each other.
I don't like to submit
unless being kinky.
Why are you so evil?
What made you a monster?
Was it your mom or dad?
Your cousin that raped you?
And that's okay for you?
It need not be like this.
Haiku # 69961, February 2, 2021 7:02 pm ET
by Psychopaths often have poor sense of smell. of That's a true fact! Now you know.
More than oxygen,
Bad haiku necessary.
I will die without.
Haiku # 69960, February 2, 2021 6:57 pm ET
by I'm serious!
Here's my hand, now shake it.
Don't give me a "man hug".
Don't say "Love you, brother."
Haiku # 69959, February 2, 2021 6:45 pm ET
by Manly manners.
I farted on the bus.
Complete satisfaction.
Watching them suck it in.
Haiku # 69958, February 2, 2021 6:41 pm ET
by Bubbas Gas and Welding Supplies.
Flavored coffee is gay.
I'm having a cup of
"the men I did last spring".
Haiku # 69957, February 2, 2021 6:38 pm ET
by Tastes like cheap caramel apples. of Eff it -- wakes me up and that's what counts.
We need some nude haiku.
So you can see my ass.
Tell me how fat it is.
Haiku # 69956, February 2, 2021 6:35 pm ET
by No denying it.
Jesus sends his regards.
He enjoys his holy hands.
Great for doing magic tricks.
Haiku # 69955, February 2, 2021 6:33 pm ET
by He won't be back any time soon. Too busy with the rest of the universe. of Book your tickets ahead of time, just to be safe.
Racism's here to stay.
Better get used to it.
You can thank Donald Trump.
Haiku # 69954, February 2, 2021 2:36 pm ET
by God, I hate Eskimoes! of And Pygmies!
Do you have a stiffie??
Just 'cause I said hentai?
You are such a pervert!
Haiku # 69953, February 2, 2021 1:52 pm ET
by Octopus demon. of Come see my garden in the shade.
Molecularity.
Shit, that was six syllables.
I guess I'm on a roll.

Your are on a biscuit.
And so I will eat you.
Spectrophotometry.
Haiku # 69952, February 2, 2021 1:47 pm ET
by 666 haiku revolution of Kind of like hentai, but difficult to wank to.
Chicken and egg rice.
Cheeseburger with a milk shake.
You and your children.
Haiku # 69951, February 2, 2021 8:45 am ET
by De-lish! of Albert Fish
Has covid robbed me?
I thought I'd kill you myself.
Well this isn't fair!
Haiku # 69950, February 2, 2021 7:20 am ET
by Bored but not in the house. of Parking boogers on a park bench.
Has everyone died?
I mean, if so, that's okay.
Where's my Vaseline?
Haiku # 69949, February 2, 2021 7:14 am ET
by Zombie orgy. of And you're invited
I hope you're okay.
You better not die on me.
Life would be empty.
Haiku # 69948, February 2, 2021 3:30 am ET
by Like my balls last night.
Wond'ring aloud
How we feel today
Last night sipped the sunset
My hand in her hair

We are our own saviours
As we start
Both our hearts
Beating life
Into each other

Wond'ring aloud
Will the years treat us well?
As she floats in the kitchen
I'm tasting the smell
Of toast as the butter runs
Then she comes
Spilling crumbs
On the bed
And I shake my head

And it's only the giving
That makes you
What you are
Haiku # 69947, February 1, 2021 9:11 pm ET
by living in the past of 1977 or thereabouts
Bad Haiku News.

We should take a break
away from these bad haiku
and post naked pics.
Haiku # 69946, February 1, 2021 9:08 pm ET
by Or something.
The breakfast was bland.
Bland even for a breakfast.
Pussy would be nice.
Haiku # 69945, February 1, 2021 8:01 pm ET
by Spice up your waffles!
Why are you like this?
Did I rip your life apart?
Only lies from you!
Haiku # 69944, February 1, 2021 7:08 pm ET
by Drama Queen of Laundomat next to the bar.
Have you ever played
South Park: The Fractured But Whole?
Your farts can destroy!
Haiku # 69943, February 1, 2021 6:02 pm ET
by I don't play video games, but that might be fun. of Not buying a console for it though.
Crocodile cootchie.
I've heard great things about it.
Dare you even try?
Haiku # 69942, February 1, 2021 12:42 pm ET
by My name is Steve Irwin, and I do NOT approve this message. of The Great Beyond.
< 50 Less Recent Haiku 50 More Recent Haiku >