Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years, 179 Days and 70633 Haikus later...

I have to be evil.
Sorry, that's my new rule.
Brimstone and demons wait.
Haiku # 69969, February 3, 2021 7:34 am ET
by We gonna smoke a fat blunt.
How many licks does
it take take to get to the center
of my asshole?
Haiku # 69968, February 3, 2021 7:30 am ET
by one... two... three (crunch) of Watch the peanuts.
How long would it take
you to fill up a bucket
with your own feces?
Haiku # 69967, February 3, 2021 4:22 am ET
by Fly of Fly Strip
Tonight’s Assignment
The Absolute Very Best
of Rev. Jim Bakker
Haiku # 69966, February 3, 2021 1:46 am ET
by Look up on YouTube of By Vic Berger
I just got some info.
It made me poop myself.
My laugh heard down the block.
Haiku # 69965, February 3, 2021 12:40 am ET
by I love criminals. They are soooo funny.
Caffeine seizures are fun.
But not the cramps they cause.
I'm just a gramps with cramps.
Haiku # 69964, February 2, 2021 8:02 pm ET
by Eff it, time to work. of Y'all be some lazy mo fos.
After weeks of potty training my toilet was able to roll over, speak, and jump through hoops.
Haiku # 69963, February 2, 2021 7:15 pm ET
by Am I doing it right?
Empaths on the other hand have a heightened sense of smell as well as taste. Hannibal Lecter was a sociopath, not a psychopath. There is a great difference between the two. Sociopaths are more "made into monsters" while pscychopaths are born into their role, are very greedy and self-centered, as well as manipulative. But they also often have lower than average IQ.
They also tend to be mediocre at best in everything they do. Such as baking.
The only thing they do well is huring others. Destroying them emotionally or physically. The world is better off without such individuals.
Haiku # 69962, February 2, 2021 7:12 pm ET
by How many psychos do you know. Approximately only 1% of the population falls in this category. of Two percent are sociopaths. They should go to war with each other.
I don't like to submit
unless being kinky.
Why are you so evil?
What made you a monster?
Was it your mom or dad?
Your cousin that raped you?
And that's okay for you?
It need not be like this.
Haiku # 69961, February 2, 2021 7:02 pm ET
by Psychopaths often have poor sense of smell. of That's a true fact! Now you know.
More than oxygen,
Bad haiku necessary.
I will die without.
Haiku # 69960, February 2, 2021 6:57 pm ET
by I'm serious!
Here's my hand, now shake it.
Don't give me a "man hug".
Don't say "Love you, brother."
Haiku # 69959, February 2, 2021 6:45 pm ET
by Manly manners.
I farted on the bus.
Complete satisfaction.
Watching them suck it in.
Haiku # 69958, February 2, 2021 6:41 pm ET
by Bubbas Gas and Welding Supplies.
Flavored coffee is gay.
I'm having a cup of
"the men I did last spring".
Haiku # 69957, February 2, 2021 6:38 pm ET
by Tastes like cheap caramel apples. of Eff it -- wakes me up and that's what counts.
We need some nude haiku.
So you can see my ass.
Tell me how fat it is.
Haiku # 69956, February 2, 2021 6:35 pm ET
by No denying it.
Jesus sends his regards.
He enjoys his holy hands.
Great for doing magic tricks.
Haiku # 69955, February 2, 2021 6:33 pm ET
by He won't be back any time soon. Too busy with the rest of the universe. of Book your tickets ahead of time, just to be safe.
Racism's here to stay.
Better get used to it.
You can thank Donald Trump.
Haiku # 69954, February 2, 2021 2:36 pm ET
by God, I hate Eskimoes! of And Pygmies!
Do you have a stiffie??
Just 'cause I said hentai?
You are such a pervert!
Haiku # 69953, February 2, 2021 1:52 pm ET
by Octopus demon. of Come see my garden in the shade.
Molecularity.
Shit, that was six syllables.
I guess I'm on a roll.

Your are on a biscuit.
And so I will eat you.
Spectrophotometry.
Haiku # 69952, February 2, 2021 1:47 pm ET
by 666 haiku revolution of Kind of like hentai, but difficult to wank to.
Chicken and egg rice.
Cheeseburger with a milk shake.
You and your children.
Haiku # 69951, February 2, 2021 8:45 am ET
by De-lish! of Albert Fish
Has covid robbed me?
I thought I'd kill you myself.
Well this isn't fair!
Haiku # 69950, February 2, 2021 7:20 am ET
by Bored but not in the house. of Parking boogers on a park bench.
Has everyone died?
I mean, if so, that's okay.
Where's my Vaseline?
Haiku # 69949, February 2, 2021 7:14 am ET
by Zombie orgy. of And you're invited
I hope you're okay.
You better not die on me.
Life would be empty.
Haiku # 69948, February 2, 2021 3:30 am ET
by Like my balls last night.
Wond'ring aloud
How we feel today
Last night sipped the sunset
My hand in her hair

We are our own saviours
As we start
Both our hearts
Beating life
Into each other

Wond'ring aloud
Will the years treat us well?
As she floats in the kitchen
I'm tasting the smell
Of toast as the butter runs
Then she comes
Spilling crumbs
On the bed
And I shake my head

And it's only the giving
That makes you
What you are
Haiku # 69947, February 1, 2021 9:11 pm ET
by living in the past of 1977 or thereabouts
Bad Haiku News.

We should take a break
away from these bad haiku
and post naked pics.
Haiku # 69946, February 1, 2021 9:08 pm ET
by Or something.
The breakfast was bland.
Bland even for a breakfast.
Pussy would be nice.
Haiku # 69945, February 1, 2021 8:01 pm ET
by Spice up your waffles!
Why are you like this?
Did I rip your life apart?
Only lies from you!
Haiku # 69944, February 1, 2021 7:08 pm ET
by Drama Queen of Laundomat next to the bar.
Have you ever played
South Park: The Fractured But Whole?
Your farts can destroy!
Haiku # 69943, February 1, 2021 6:02 pm ET
by I don't play video games, but that might be fun. of Not buying a console for it though.
Crocodile cootchie.
I've heard great things about it.
Dare you even try?
Haiku # 69942, February 1, 2021 12:42 pm ET
by My name is Steve Irwin, and I do NOT approve this message. of The Great Beyond.
Transcendent waffle.
Effervescent cuddle pool.
Envelops nethers.
Haiku # 69941, February 1, 2021 12:39 pm ET
by Hither, thither, and yon. of YAWN
Bad high-cootchie flash

Verse eats rotten dog.
Has to go to hospital.
Then dies from covid.
Haiku # 69940, February 1, 2021 9:49 am ET
by How many misdiagnosed deaths do you think there are? of Re-hearse terse dead verse
Bad Haiku News Flash.

Filippino man
eats the dog that ate dog poop
from dog puke puke verse.

Re-regurgitate
I know that is a new word.
That is what it ate.

Verse-ate-ility.
The Flipo man does back flips.
Loves that roasted dog.
Haiku # 69939, February 1, 2021 8:29 am ET
by I'm whore-able.
Bad Haiku News

Dog eats rotten verse.
Vomits it up on carpet.
Then eats it again.

When it poops it out
it's way better than before.
Other dogs eat it.
Haiku # 69938, February 1, 2021 8:21 am ET
by Who needs Alpo. of Just recycle.
Fighter jet for sale.
Some maintenance required.
Complete with two nukes.
Haiku # 69937, February 1, 2021 2:52 am ET
by Tactical of course. of $20M obo
Schlong in a waffle.
Extra syrup and butter.
Ribbed for her pleasure.
Haiku # 69936, February 1, 2021 2:49 am ET
by But all she wants is cash.
God damn smell checker.
Sniff my ass and change my undies.
Even if they're clean.
Haiku # 69935, February 1, 2021 2:46 am ET
by Commando or nude. of Spell checkers suck also.
Shopping malls are dead.
They have not one reach of life.
Zombie flick settings.
Haiku # 69934, February 1, 2021 2:40 am ET
by Makes sense
Who here remembers
tiger butthole Chinese wine.
You'll take a fierce shit.
Haiku # 69933, February 1, 2021 1:40 am ET
by Chinese medicine is stupid! of Endangered so you can take a dump.
Whoring isn't wrong.
It just depends on the price.
Twenty buck sample.

Okay, I am hooked.
And I guess you're the hooked.
Return customer.
Haiku # 69932, February 1, 2021 1:35 am ET
by Thank you, please come again.
Who here remembers
the tiger butter pancakes.
Little black Sambo.
Haiku # 69931, January 31, 2021 5:18 am ET
by Yes, I am old.
Murder isn't wrong.
It just depends who it is.
You, for example.
Haiku # 69930, January 31, 2021 3:05 am ET
by The person wanting your wallet.
Pancakes are pointless.
Waffles are so much better.
Unless you're lazy.
Haiku # 69929, January 30, 2021 11:56 pm ET
by Cappuccino you know.
One last little thing.
All I need now is coffee
Then I'll be all set.
Haiku # 69928, January 30, 2021 11:53 pm ET
by Good to go. For at least an hour. of Old and addicted.
I went to IHOP.
And ordered some twat waffles.
Got escorted out.

That wasn't enough.
So called an escort service.
Got escorted in.
Haiku # 69927, January 30, 2021 11:51 pm ET
by And got my twat waffles! of Real butter and maple syrup.
I miss the small boat.
But alas no antidote
Except to eat goat
Haiku # 69926, January 30, 2021 8:04 pm ET
by Jack the Zipper of Winning one for the Gipper
No, there's only one.
I forgot my old password.
Now it's just hugetwat.
Haiku # 69925, January 30, 2021 7:43 pm ET
by Don't tell anyone.
I miss the Great Wave.
(Sobbing, mucus flow, stay brave.)
That pic was my fave...
Haiku # 69924, January 30, 2021 1:28 pm ET
by Fishing Village of Rape and Pillage
Strange how a font change
And the lack of the Great Wave
Detract from the fun.
Haiku # 69923, January 30, 2021 12:36 pm ET
by Hokusai of Hokus Pokusai
Darthfigpucker 2?
So there's more than one of You?
Shit, what shall we do?
Haiku # 69922, January 30, 2021 9:50 am ET
by Anonymous pooper
At last we shall reveal ourselves to the Jedi. At last we shall have revenge. Or something along those lines.
Haiku # 69921, January 30, 2021 3:00 am ET
by Or maybe we could have cake. of Cake is nice too.
Just email me.
Darthfigpucker2@g
mail dot com. Cool?
Haiku # 69920, January 29, 2021 11:36 pm ET
by Tell me who you are. of I am no one special.
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