Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years, 211 Days and 70742 Haikus later...

I went to IHOP.
And ordered some twat waffles.
Got escorted out.

That wasn't enough.
So called an escort service.
Got escorted in.
Haiku # 69927, January 30, 2021 11:51 pm ET
by And got my twat waffles! of Real butter and maple syrup.
I miss the small boat.
But alas no antidote
Except to eat goat
Haiku # 69926, January 30, 2021 8:04 pm ET
by Jack the Zipper of Winning one for the Gipper
No, there's only one.
I forgot my old password.
Now it's just hugetwat.
Haiku # 69925, January 30, 2021 7:43 pm ET
by Don't tell anyone.
I miss the Great Wave.
(Sobbing, mucus flow, stay brave.)
That pic was my fave...
Haiku # 69924, January 30, 2021 1:28 pm ET
by Fishing Village of Rape and Pillage
Strange how a font change
And the lack of the Great Wave
Detract from the fun.
Haiku # 69923, January 30, 2021 12:36 pm ET
by Hokusai of Hokus Pokusai
Darthfigpucker 2?
So there's more than one of You?
Shit, what shall we do?
Haiku # 69922, January 30, 2021 9:50 am ET
by Anonymous pooper
At last we shall reveal ourselves to the Jedi. At last we shall have revenge. Or something along those lines.
Haiku # 69921, January 30, 2021 3:00 am ET
by Or maybe we could have cake. of Cake is nice too.
Just email me.
Darthfigpucker2@g
mail dot com. Cool?
Haiku # 69920, January 29, 2021 11:36 pm ET
by Tell me who you are. of I am no one special.
A man of the cloth
Unravel the mystery
Just who are you, Darth?
Haiku # 69919, January 29, 2021 11:29 pm ET
by The naughty one of Holy Order of Cloistered Haiku Nuns
I can't help but think
You are obsessed with me
And my purloined cheese.
Haiku # 69918, January 29, 2021 9:51 pm ET
by And purloined loin cheese. of Smell my cheese cloth!
The Spring Collection
Casual Cannibal Cool
by Darth Figpucker

Menswear featuring:
Extra large pockets for cheese
you might not pay for
Haiku # 69917, January 29, 2021 9:10 pm ET
by Genitalmens’ Quarterly of Newsstand
That would be Noah
As in No...ah..dinosaurs
on the Ark. They stinx.
Haiku # 69916, January 29, 2021 8:50 pm ET
by Starkittensaurus of Pacific Northwest
The man in the boat.
Riding on the salty waves.
Honest stink of fish.
Haiku # 69915, January 29, 2021 6:46 pm ET
by Happy now?
*you AND I... fucking typos.
Haiku # 69914, January 29, 2021 6:40 pm ET
by blahblahblah
Haiku write themselves.
You are I are just doorways
for haiku to be.
Haiku # 69913, January 29, 2021 6:39 pm ET
by I'm totally joking. of Yeah, it was me, I did it.
Go back to this one:
Sixty-nine eight sixty-three.
(VERY good haiku)
Haiku # 69912, January 29, 2021 6:05 pm ET
by It Even Rhymes of Who Wrote It ?
If you have covid,
go spit at things at Walmart;
maybe door handles.
Haiku # 69911, January 29, 2021 10:49 am ET
by Sharing is Caring. of Heal the Earth - Kill the Humans!
Hambone, provolone
Blueberry scone. piss and moan
Cyclone xylophone
Haiku # 69910, January 29, 2021 9:05 am ET
by Zen koan of Microphone
prova
Haiku # 69909, January 29, 2021 7:55 am ET
by Lucy
Don’t get headaches much
Exploding head of Covid
Help yourself to germs
Haiku # 69908, January 29, 2021 4:28 am ET
by noticer of exploding heads of right here
Well, I fucked myself
back in nineteen eighty eight.
Like Buffalo Bill.
Haiku # 69907, January 29, 2021 3:57 am ET
by No, it wasn't good for me too.
I was supposed to
interview him but didn’t
after I got that
Haiku # 69906, January 29, 2021 2:05 am ET
by At the time, he was working of on a laundry delivery truck in Hooksett, NH
Are you implying
that you fucked GG Allin?
He got it all in?
Haiku # 69905, January 29, 2021 1:29 am ET
by You're GG's bastard child's mom?!
When I was eighteen
He mailed me a big package
and the package leaked
Haiku # 69904, January 29, 2021 12:47 am ET
by The post office wrapped it in plastic of Undisclosed 1985 mail call
GG "singing" the
quadratic formula would...
be interesting.
Haiku # 69903, January 29, 2021 12:39 am ET
by x equals negative b plus or minus the square root of b squared minus four a c, all over 2 a. of Add explicitives where needed or wanted.
What would be real hot
Yell math formulas and swear
like G.G. Allin
Haiku # 69902, January 29, 2021 12:16 am ET
by Franconia Notch of New Hampshire
Box and wisker plots
suck turds out of my sphincter.
Histograms more so.
Haiku # 69901, January 28, 2021 11:22 pm ET
by Fuck statistics. Monkey math! Pie charts are for stooges. of I'll say it again. Fuck statistics.
Prove non-trivial
zeros of zeta function
have real part one-half.
Haiku # 69900, January 28, 2021 11:18 pm ET
by Okay! I think that's it. of It doesn't matter where I am... it's nowhere special.
No, I fuckd that up.
It should say "real part" somewhere.
But, lo, it does not.
Haiku # 69899, January 28, 2021 11:16 pm ET
by poo-poo
Prove non-trivial
zeros of zeta function
equal to one-half.
Haiku # 69898, January 28, 2021 11:08 pm ET
by Raymond's high on pot the ass.
All cats have 9 lives
This kitten has double paws
Box and Whisker plot
Haiku # 69897, January 28, 2021 10:46 pm ET
by Basic Instinct of Primal Scream
To a computer
all numbers are dirty words,
basic and primal.
Haiku # 69896, January 28, 2021 10:40 pm ET
by That is sooo deep!.. and stinky! of Like my ex.
A beautiful mind
All those numbers in that brain
All those dirty words
Haiku # 69895, January 28, 2021 10:36 pm ET
by Solution of To all your problems
Here's a math problem.
Prove that the real part of the non-trivial zeros of the zeta function is equal to 1/2.
Haiku # 69894, January 28, 2021 10:21 pm ET
by Your prize is 5 kilos of rice, and 4 balot eggs.
I do not wear pants.
I only wear leather shorts.
To embarrass kids.
Haiku # 69893, January 28, 2021 10:15 pm ET
by Bare assed embarrassed. Cause that's what dads are for. of Goes well w/ Rush Limbaugh and Alex Jones t-shirts.
A happy ending
is only thirteen dollars
plus two dollar tip.

One thousand dollars,
I'd call that a sad ending.
I'll run out the door.
Haiku # 69892, January 28, 2021 10:10 pm ET
by Catch me if you can! of Customer *service* complaint office.
Here’s a math problem
If x is equal to 2
What will make him spew?
Haiku # 69891, January 28, 2021 9:37 pm ET
by B. M. Vigil of Washroom, Canada
Try a yoga pose
Or insert a garden hose
You’ll smell like a rose
Haiku # 69890, January 28, 2021 9:13 pm ET
by U. Candoit of Brownstone (Flushing, NY vicinity)
You are what you eat
If you want to pass a log
Become one with tree
Haiku # 69889, January 28, 2021 9:07 pm ET
by Leif Garrett of Dancing
Poets, Kuntrymen
Direct our laser focus
To poor Darth’s buttocks

Incite a movement
Nay, A true insurrection
in his sagging pants
Haiku # 69888, January 28, 2021 9:01 pm ET
by Erection Inciter of Guilty as charged ($1,ooo with happy ending, at least for me)
Anybody care?!

XFart Killed XLax... and the dog.
Haiku # 69887, January 28, 2021 9:01 pm ET
by I found a magic farting seed. of You eat just a few and you'll make huge farts!
Anybody home? :)

XEvil 4.0 killed Bitcoin!

XEvil.Net
Haiku # 69886, January 28, 2021 8:50 pm ET
by LindaSwich of Morocco
Been coughing up blood?
Tell everyone it's covid.
You smoke too much crack.
Haiku # 69885, January 28, 2021 8:22 pm ET
by And the ugly truth come out. of Just like my ugly penis.
I need some new shit.
Wake up, you motherfuckers!
Submit some poems!
Haiku # 69884, January 28, 2021 8:20 pm ET
by NOW! of Haiku are needed for a satisfactory bowel movement.
Flaky cunt biscuits.
Choco shugar glazed queef puffs.
Crispy twat waffles.
Haiku # 69883, January 28, 2021 11:16 am ET
by Breakfast in Thailand of I need one of those Concord jets.
Flying in the sky,
is that a pterodactyl?
Will they eat his dog?
Haiku # 69882, January 28, 2021 9:36 am ET
by
Where is my precioussss????
The hobbitses stole it from us!
Sneaky little theives!
Haiku # 69881, January 28, 2021 9:09 am ET
by Smeagol Golum of Somewhere outside Mordor eating a live fish.
Cement mix butt plug
Discrete and comfortable
unless you sit down
Haiku # 69880, January 28, 2021 8:52 am ET
by I. M. Sorass of Standing Room Only
I should kill myself.
I'm watching Lord of the Rings.
That's how low I've sunk.
Haiku # 69879, January 28, 2021 6:00 am ET
by Fuck it, it's raining a billion buckets of piss out there.
Enrich your noodle.
You should always ask Google.
Knows all; never lies.
Haiku # 69878, January 28, 2021 5:57 am ET
by While you're at it, look up blue waffles.
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