Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 248 Days and 77180 Haiku later...

I should kill myself.
I'm watching Lord of the Rings.
That's how low I've sunk.
Haiku # 69879, January 28, 2021 6:00 am ET
by Fuck it, it's raining a billion buckets of piss out there.
Enrich your noodle.
You should always ask Google.
Knows all; never lies.
Haiku # 69878, January 28, 2021 5:57 am ET
by While you're at it, look up blue waffles.
What’s a reach around?
Haiku # 69877, January 28, 2021 5:20 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
How ‘bout a turd font
Haiku plops in a toilet
with a flushing sound
Haiku # 69876, January 28, 2021 4:15 am ET
by Regular Haiku Poet of Outhouse
We need a font here
that looks like snow piss letters
so we can eat them.
Haiku # 69875, January 28, 2021 4:03 am ET
by Lemonade sno-cones!
Since the font changed
the haiku is even worse
Who can explain this?
Haiku # 69874, January 28, 2021 3:09 am ET
by Haiku Poet of Under Old Willow
Green bean casserole
Someone threw it in the field
Green Giant’s kaka
Haiku # 69873, January 28, 2021 1:55 am ET
by Ho Ho Ho of Green Giant
Is it possible
Mad Dog 20/20 sales
decreased from its name?

Or for that matter,
how about Corona beer?
They're still going strong.

The reason is that
alcoholics are die hards.
Loyal to the end.
Haiku # 69872, January 28, 2021 1:29 am ET
by Praise Jesus, God of Wine. of And you thought it was Bacchus.
Have you ever tried
pairing expensive cheeses
with cheap ghetto wines?
Haiku # 69871, January 28, 2021 1:22 am ET
by It just doesn't work. of ... or does it? I've never tried!
Bob Carny Barker
was never truly alive.
Television ghoul.
Haiku # 69870, January 28, 2021 12:49 am ET
by His penis is robotic. of Circuitry outdated.
Eating them, not sure.
But putting them in one's ass,
you'll live forever.
Haiku # 69869, January 28, 2021 12:46 am ET
by Water to wine, Jewsy juice. of Benevolent vampire, accused of being a zombie.
Someone here must know
How long can a person live
eating just raisins?
Haiku # 69868, January 28, 2021 12:26 am ET
by Raisin Eater of Here for the time being
I thought he was dead
Bob Barker is still living
and so is his dink
Haiku # 69867, January 28, 2021 12:24 am ET
by Runner up of Showcase Showdown
Are you a victim.
Or just an attention whore?
We see what you are.
Haiku # 69866, January 28, 2021 12:11 am ET
by Liar, theif, murderer. of Try sky diving.
All it takes is one.
From nose to brain; you're insane.
Ultrasound monster.
Haiku # 69865, January 27, 2021 11:50 pm ET
by I told you to swallow!
The mathematician
with sticky calculator
figures his sperm count
Haiku # 69864, January 27, 2021 11:43 pm ET
by Contortionist Mathematician of On top of bed
Cock, schlong, penis, dink.
We should talk pussy, I think.
Cunt, twat, queefs that stink.
Haiku # 69863, January 27, 2021 11:08 pm ET
by Become the change you want to see. of Or smell. Or taste.
They’ll never catch me!
Green Giant running amuck
Who wants some green dink?
Haiku # 69862, January 27, 2021 10:28 pm ET
by Jolly Green Giant Ho Ho Ho! of Outstanding in my field
He was so repressed
he used a strap-on dildo
to bang his Fleshlight.
Haiku # 69861, January 27, 2021 10:19 pm ET
by And was still worried about HIV! of Mom's basement orgy pit for stuffed animals. *Stuffed*. Get it?
You want raw sugar
I’m sitting behind you, Darth
It’s not a mirage
Haiku # 69860, January 27, 2021 10:09 pm ET
by B. Myvalentine of Undisclosed Coffee Shop
White sugar's so harsh.
Why wasn't there raw sugar
when I was a lad?
Haiku # 69859, January 27, 2021 9:25 pm ET
by One of the few things that have improved. of Coffee shop, pretending I am somewhere else.
Worm often gets slapped.
Here's a better solution:
Learn how to swallow.
Haiku # 69858, January 27, 2021 9:19 pm ET
by There's ppl starving in Africa! of Kenyan coffee plantation, laughing at the peasants.
Sounds like politics.
I'll be the one on bottom.
Open mouth. Enjoy.
Haiku # 69857, January 27, 2021 9:15 pm ET
by Sucks being poor. of Whole Foods grocery, shoplifting the fine cheeses.
Human Pyramid
Now they’re all taking a shit
Upload to YouTube
Haiku # 69856, January 27, 2021 8:11 pm ET
by Plastered with shit of Caked with shit
One eyed wonder worm
Why do you spit in my face?
Worm, you need a slap
Haiku # 69855, January 27, 2021 8:08 pm ET
by Bitchlips of Worm Slappery
Please phrase your boner
in the form of a question.
No blowjob for you.
Haiku # 69854, January 27, 2021 7:50 pm ET
by What is a one-eyed wonder worm?
Is that a scene from
King Kong vs. Godzilla?
Hellicopter spooged.
Haiku # 69853, January 27, 2021 7:46 pm ET
by Hellicopter downed, but it was a soft landing.
Alex Trebek’s ghost
visiting you in your dreams
Don’t touch his boner!!
Haiku # 69852, January 27, 2021 7:43 pm ET
by Game Show Pervert of Glued to the TV
I've a craving for
some asparagus cream sauce
with Jersey Blue cheese.
Haiku # 69851, January 27, 2021 7:25 pm ET
by He blew blue.
Helicopters whirr
Green Giant bolts through farm fields
Jacking himself off
Haiku # 69850, January 27, 2021 11:13 am ET
by KTLA News of On the scene
You won’t want guacamole
in the near future
Haiku # 69849, January 27, 2021 10:29 am ET
by Somebody of Do something about this
Green Giant, aroused
Butt fucks migrant workers
with his green ding dong
Haiku # 69848, January 27, 2021 10:25 am ET
by Giant Gazette of California, USA
Green green penis green
Greenest penis ever seen
Green green penis green
Haiku # 69847, January 27, 2021 10:17 am ET
by Green Giant of If I’m not out in the field, I’m on the can
A turkey sandwich.
Is that so much to ask for?
You can't comprehend.
Haiku # 69846, January 27, 2021 8:37 am ET
by The struggle is real.
You think that I'm rude?!
I'm talking about dodge ball!
... yeah, that's pretty rude.
Haiku # 69845, January 27, 2021 8:31 am ET
by Countless hospitalizations and deaths! of Dodge ball is worse than covid!
My balls have been washed.
Now I rest them on your nose.
And proceed to fist.
Haiku # 69844, January 27, 2021 8:29 am ET
by Please hold down the noise.
We need a new strain.
Resistant to all vaccines.
I would celebrate.
Haiku # 69843, January 27, 2021 8:06 am ET
by Darth Whorendous of Under the sea in an octopus' garden in the shade
Oh my goodness Darth.
You're so very rude and crude.
You made me blush. Twice.
Haiku # 69842, January 27, 2021 7:23 am ET
by Sweet Virginal Miss of Missionary Parents 1910
Submit on her tit.
Resume resignation.
Beats impregnation.
Haiku # 69841, January 27, 2021 2:48 am ET
by ZZ Top of Jewelry story.
As seen on TV.
It's not cool to poop your pants.
Cement mix butt plugs.

Next day Fiber One.
And a large cappuccino.
Please keep your distance.
Haiku # 69840, January 27, 2021 2:47 am ET
by Suppose suppository story of messy and gory.
Cannibal Hookers.
It was not a good movie.
I thought it would be.
Haiku # 69839, January 27, 2021 2:42 am ET
by Catchy title though.
Should Santa Claus sue?
Green Giant stole his catch phrase.
Like how wrong is that?!
Haiku # 69838, January 27, 2021 2:37 am ET
by always buy fresh. of Fuck that canned and frozen shite.
Hey, look over there.
The grass is always greener.
Just like my penis.
Haiku # 69837, January 27, 2021 2:35 am ET
by Ho ho ho. Green Giant.
Fillipina whores.
Their cunts stink like rotten pork.
You are what you eat.
Haiku # 69836, January 27, 2021 1:53 am ET
by The island girls are what you want... city girls, NO! of At home, considering getting drunk tonight.
Just pee on yourself.
Water sport masturbation.
Pretend it's a whore.
Haiku # 69835, January 27, 2021 1:45 am ET
by Save your money. of Your friendly neighborhood financial advisor.
I am so angry
The whores will not piss on me
Where's the circle jerk?
Haiku # 69834, January 26, 2021 11:22 pm ET
by Your dad's basement
People are angry
And that just pisses me off
A vicious circle
Haiku # 69833, January 26, 2021 11:19 pm ET
by What goes around comes around
Forget the money.
An asteroid will kill us.
Jeff Bezos told me.
Haiku # 69832, January 26, 2021 11:11 pm ET
by The rich guys are escaping! of Do up all the drugs you can!
I need more money.
Would you mind sending me some.
PayPal accepted.
Haiku # 69831, January 26, 2021 10:06 pm ET
by of Asian schoolgirl hookers and cocaine ain't cheap, you know.
That guy's kind of hot.
Japanese Deliverance.
Flop like a fish, boy!
Haiku # 69830, January 26, 2021 10:04 pm ET
by Eat my rotten hotdog! of Wear this school girl dress!
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