Laverne and Shirley
Add penises and hair grease
Lenny and Squiggy

Inquire within
Ask yourself a few questions
Answering service

Got my eye on you
Micromanaging your moves
Minding your business

I

A sexy hot girl
sat next to me on the bus.
And then I worried.

"Don't get a boner".
I kept thinking to myself.
She got a boner.

A sexy hot girl
Red dress parasol- nice azz
Sat down next to me

Rabbit bus - pinay
Cleavage- oh yeah! big valley
No! don't eat balut!

So this is the end
The last haiku I will write
Until the next one

The secret to life
Don t forget to wipe your ass
Always wear a smile

The secret to life
Don

Men have penises?
Hateful cisgender bigot.
Stop spreading such lies.

For generations
The men in our family
Have had penises

Absentmindedly
Fondling big gooey rum balls
Set tree up again

Good old Fart of War
Best horse since Seattle Slew
Methane gas ASSist

Look me in the eye
Take ownership of that fart
Don't blame our poor dog

Close but no cigar
That would be "The Winds of War"
Made my eyes tear up

Sun Tzu: 'Art of War'
But when Figpucker read it,
it is 'Fart of War'

Go pick out a switch
From the old hickory tree
An old school time out

Drunk on bad haiku
Syllables got me spinning
I am gonna sick up

Always comes to this
Good clothes lost to bad shitstains
Couldn

Abandoned building
Moaning and groaning of ghosts
Scratch that, it

(Silence)

Just do it yourself
You be the God you needed
When you needed God

Is that your penis?
Standing there on my chair?
Almost sat on it

What is my secret?
I

Best laugh of the day
That tickled my funny bone
Made me poop my pants

Urgent need to poop
is, for you, same as writing
another Haiku!

Would a gizzard help
I wish humans had gizzards
What is a gizzard?

I'm feeling lazy
But I have diarrhea
Urgent need to poop

If I were a dog
I

Wiping is a chore
It works out better for dogs
Clean as a whistle

Philippines burgers.
Three inch patty, thin and tough.
drenched in mayonaise.

Artificial "cheese"
green tomatoes, and an egg.
beyond disgusting.

Sewage malfunction
Pulling on green hip waders
Swamp of baked beans

A creepy feeling
Tingling to the lower spine
Pasty soft serve stool

I'd like pickles on
My Russia Nothingburger.
Thanks, Mr. Cohen.

Blood-borne pathogens.
Injected by the liter.
Goddamn mosquitoes!

They are God's creatures.
I know from the simple fact
they cause misery.

I never get tired
So, bend over now fine sir
Time for ANAL PROBE

Pigeon manure gone
Excrement like dried cement
Cleaned and pigeons killed

Took the liberty
I've stocked your glove compartment
With fine escargots

No worries, Hooman
Plenty of ejaculate
All credit to you

I hate to ask this.
Marvin, will you lube my car.
Watch the windshield.

Wank wank clank clank yank
Wank wank wank clank clank wank wank
(Ejaculates grease)

French fried monkey meat
In a Cuntfart bouillabaisse
It's today's special

I tried escargot.
It was a long time ago.
It was too salty.

Today would be fun
If I didn't have the shits
Please Lord make it stop

Haiku verse shall reign
Poetasters shall prevail.
God shall avenge us.

I'm growing a horn
Straight through the top of my head
Unbelievable

No obligation
Try a new flavour each month
Vampire Tea Bag Club

This is a haiku
there is nothing else to say
Please feed me some cheese

Thought you'd like to know
Just another shitty day
Got diarrhea
Shitty day for

Morning Dilemma
Should I go back to sleep now?
Sleep walking through life

The wife's looking good
Gives the husband morning wood
Keep the fire burning