Poor old man Grundy
Goose splatter feces oatmeal
Breakfasting outside

Purple lily pad
Someone kissed a purple frog
That's where Prince came from

You need penis slapped.
You need transformed poetics.
You sure need something . . .

I beheld Pepe
Over there in Kekistan
Green as any frog

I went to Dorking
It's over there in England
I was with some dorks

Forgot to mention
Penis slaps me in the face
With every new step

but I just don't know how I can make it through the door. My approach may be sideways if I don't have a boner. Hard to believe that I used to walk down flights of stairs in a continuous handstand. The condition of my condition is a source of concern and ridicule. Go ahead and laugh as I attempt to recreate stair stunts to impress my new friends.

Hey,have one for me
Blow the smoke straight in my face
Now eat the filter

By his Mole

That last poem was penned by John Boy Walton

Got so high once
Thought I was an ingrown hair
Thanks, Mary Ellen

Your mother was right
If you make a face like that
It will stay that way

Sexy, just like that.
Saturday IceCream Sundae
Dairy in my bra

YouTube's gotten lame.
Jacking off to K-Pop girls.
That's all it's good for.

Wondering aloud.
Beavis. The smashing of frogs.
You're constipation.

Me need cookie fix.
Medical marijuana.
Brownies okay too.

Icicles dripping
Reminds me of your cold heart
And my warm penis

Wandering around
Beavers. The gnashing of teeth.
I'm constipated

Confused in your pants
Head swivels around,
owlish
No one gives a hoot

Now, touch your joystick
Do you feel like Ms. PacMan
Time to whack the mole

Those Millenials;
They seem clueless about life.
Gaming all day long...

ala peanut butter
sandwiches!!! poof the wild
amazing mumford!

Thought you eat fruit now
Ask Oscar for durian
It's in his trash can

Me still use crayon.
I hope that okay for now.
Got any cookies?

Hey,
you can do it
Your pencil marks may be small
But you press down hard

I changed all the locks
Except my chastity belt
And the old back door

No one in Paris.
Nothing happening at all.
La Ville de Lumiere.

A haiku on love
Love stinks oh yes love stinks yes
Love stinks oh love stinks

We live in Juneau
Baculum to the Future
Schlong time we live here

Immediately after the rain it was never a good time to go out to the street in front of my house. Fetal Alcohol Syndrome was messing with the neighbor kids. The lived on Carnation powdered milk and buckets of cheap peanut butter. They farted in the mud puddles

No just have a curse
No newfangled stuff in there
Other than Satan

I smell someone

Methinks you have a "smart quote" option on your phone or i-pooed and that's what's messing up your haiku submissions.
It turns the straight quotes and apostrophes into curly ones, but badhaiku won't have it. So, there you are. Turn that off and your haiku will not be lost to the aether. Or something.

I

They oiled the penis
And rolled it in kosher salt
Wrapped it in wax paper

Submitting haiku
while sitting on the toilet.
Premature poem.

You ?

I

There is seriously
a chicken breed called "dorking".
It's like destiny.

Technically dorks
are the penises of whales.
And haiku poets.

And fans of Star Trek,
but that is too obvious.
Beam me fucking up.

A world without Spock
is an ugly world indeed.
Not one for old nerds.

You don't like it here.
Go make "good haiku dot com".
And you will find peace.

God, sometimes this site
is instantly appalling.
Why did I check here?

The Dorking chickens
are the oldest chicken breed,
not what rednecks do.

Well, maybe that too.
I mean, dorking a chicken
on a Friday night.

For example:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7_GNgfzRvo

In a perfect world
Googling for giant cocks
would show me roosters.

Again and again
I'm so tired but I can't stop
I love Sudoku

Ready for this weekend and I'm just going through a series of events that led to the point where I am.

I'm not sure how much I love you. I love my new phone case and I love the way I look. Yeah but the best thing about it is the whistles and catcalls I love it

Please pleases the first half of the day after a long time no talk of this page and the first half of the day before I get a new song and the other side of the day I will be in my room and my friends are so many people in my head and I have to be able to get the chance to win a championship game against the yen

please don't mind my limp
Will you please sign my peniscast?
Firm signature, please

We struggled downstairs
Trying to choke each other
Tried to get in a punch

Little underwear
With a chance of parting cheeks
A release of brown wind