BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
23 Years
309 Days
68075 Haikus
African warlords
will consume their enemies.
Not a bad idea.

Get rid of a pest
and cut the grocery bill.
Getting hungry yet?

Noisy neighbor soup.
Give us your best recipes.
Prize for the winner:

Box set DVDs
Silence of the Lambs series
Slurp slurp slurp slurp slurp.
Haiku #60026, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 11, 2018 7:53 am ET

Who's the coolest cannibal?
Fish, Dahmer, Packer?

Fish was the cruelest.
And by far the creepiest.
But he's not my fave.

Tell me you've seen it.
Cannibal the Musical.
So I vote Packer.
Haiku #60025, by DARTH FIGPUCKER of You're right, let's change the topic!
October 11, 2018 7:43 am ET

Fleshlights, chicken-sex
excremental fantasies...
It gets dull finally.
Haiku #60024, by golly of course it does
October 11, 2018 7:14 am ET

Chicken shaped Flesh Light
A sound investment. Hurry
Bok Bok Bok BOKKAaaaaaah
Haiku #60023, by Anonymous Poet
October 11, 2018 4:10 am ET

I see what you mean
Anthony Wiener. Poultry
True Chicken Fucker
Haiku #60022, by Trump eats Pork
October 11, 2018 4:05 am ET

Pork bellies are up
And so is Edie Brickell
Mickey Finned Old Paul
Haiku #60021, by Edie burp
October 11, 2018 3:55 am ET

The alien parasite mimics the DNA of its host to attain beneficial traits to its environment. While this is sci-fi, the human parasite (I mean to say we human beings) tend to develop traits of the animals they eat. Those who eat a lot of beef, get... beefy. Pork eaters tend to turn into gelatinous blobs and even have piggy little noses. Poultry eaters are jittery little fuckers. And poultry eaters on meth are highly dangerous. Perhaps you should stay away from cock-fights. But it really is goddamned fun to get wasted on cheap rum and watch a couple of roosters gore each other while grown men wave money around making crazy hand symbols like the NYSE back in the day down on the floor... before everything went digital and synthetic. Hmmm.... that's a funny looking haiku.
Haiku #60020, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 11, 2018 3:44 am ET

sizzle snizzle zip
Zag rooty dip dooty
Pip pop zabadoo
Haiku #60019, by Zabitty bop
October 11, 2018 3:32 am ET

right now this late hope
will only come back if i
turn this dang thing off
Haiku #60018, by vhs
October 11, 2018 3:32 am ET

I came close to proving the Riemann hypothesis, but then her sweat dripped down and ruined everything.
Thanks a fucking lot!
Haiku #60017, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 11, 2018 3:32 am ET

Buying stocks is dumb.
Take your cash to a cock-fight.
Odds are way better.

Don't trust the Chinese.
The Japs had the right idea.
Maybe a bit harsh.

Pollution and greed.
Searching for eternal life.
What is the secret?

I will tell you now.
Endangered species souffle.
They believe that shit.

--- and you trusted them?!
Haiku #60016, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 11, 2018 3:29 am ET

it still hurts to think
i put too much trust and coin
in on linewell, stuff
Haiku #60015, by vhs
October 11, 2018 3:19 am ET

when the heart moves on
the world of man passes to
a place matters not
Haiku #60014, by vhs
October 11, 2018 3:11 am ET

Make use of the space
Mathematical Equations
Solved on her rear end
Haiku #60013, by Wipe-off Markers
October 11, 2018 1:05 am ET

Caress your curvy one
Kiss her dimpled derrière
Use the Nine Iron
Haiku #60012, by Tiger Woods left me stranded of Subway
October 11, 2018 1:03 am ET

I need a mistress.
My wife's ass is way too fat.
Time to go shopping.
Haiku #60011, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 11, 2018 12:58 am ET

Merv Griffin's guffaw
May it haunt you til end times
Bwah ha ha ha ha!
Haiku #60010, by Anonymous Poet
October 11, 2018 12:50 am ET

Jack Albertson's cock
Like a dying leather worm
Shriveled in the sun
Haiku #60009, by Memories of Old Penises of Sunny side of the street
October 11, 2018 12:46 am ET

Up in the Heavens
Come back down! Try some burping
Like Jack Albertson
Haiku #60008, by Anonymous Poet
October 11, 2018 12:43 am ET

There he goes again
Balloon Boy! Fetch the Pea Shooter
Needs more Lunchables
Haiku #60007, by Anonymous Poet
October 11, 2018 12:39 am ET

I like getting high
on the farts of C'thulu.
Mylar balloon bliss.
Haiku #60006, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 11, 2018 12:35 am ET

You want to get big?
Rub stinging nettles on it.
Just a little bit.
Haiku #60005, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 11, 2018 12:32 am ET

A mole of golf balls
would cover Earth three miles deep.
Save us, Tiger Woods!
Haiku #60004, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 11, 2018 12:27 am ET

A mole of moles' moles.
Six point oh two two times ten
to the twenty third.

That's hella lot of
burrowing rodent skin growths.
More than I could count.
Haiku #60003, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 11, 2018 12:25 am ET

Eat me, eat me raw!
... or cooked; it doesn't matter.
I might give you gas.
Haiku #60002, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 11, 2018 12:21 am ET

Prayer's to C'thulu:
Please eat all poets on earth.
Haiku poets first.
Haiku #60001, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 11, 2018 12:20 am ET

John Boy Walton's mole
Not of Italian descent
But kinda greasy
Haiku #60000, by Up Close of In ya face
October 11, 2018 12:01 am ET

Whatever you do
Don't say "Damn the Dead."
Ok, I warned you
Haiku #59999, by Don't say it of Don't even think about it
October 10, 2018 11:59 pm ET

Crazy Italians
Putting saints in the windows
To fight the thunder
Haiku #59998, by Crazy Italians of The Gut
October 10, 2018 11:57 pm ET

Night crawling was fun
Sometimes the worms were screwing
Sometimes broke in half
Haiku #59997, by Night Crawlers of 5 cents plus I put in my 2 cents. You do the math.
October 10, 2018 11:55 pm ET

Mortar and pestle
Medicate your family
So satisfying
Haiku #59996, by Seinfeld's Plagiarist Wife of Liquor Store
October 10, 2018 11:49 pm ET

Noah's ark happened.
So there's no more dinosaurs.
They were too damn big.
Haiku #59995, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 10, 2018 11:48 pm ET

Hail Satan, yo.
Him and his giant red ass.
Who can't worship that?!
Haiku #59994, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 10, 2018 11:33 pm ET

Fun activity
Empty out box full of snakes
And stomp their brains out!
Haiku #59993, by Adam Ben Adam
October 10, 2018 11:15 pm ET

Haiku #59992, by vhs
October 10, 2018 10:32 pm ET

We are going out the door
But not ready yet
Haiku #59991, by Anonymous Poet of Inside
October 10, 2018 8:43 pm ET

Neither a cover, nor sophisticated, deadhead distribution of LSD was (and to some extent still remains) blatant and open, clumsy and careless. "Rainbow" gatherings, burning man, and many other festivals have followed suit. It's no secret. Nothing is hidden. The DEA is a bunch of idiots.
Haiku #59990, by df
October 10, 2018 7:58 pm ET

Word play ha-penis.
Tits, ass, and cunnilingus.
Insert silliness.
Haiku #59989, by Starshittin
October 10, 2018 7:22 pm ET

Brittle toe nails.
Like an old hag casting spells.
But I've no magic.
Haiku #59988, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 10, 2018 7:17 pm ET

Restrung my guitar
Ate British savory pie
Down on my knees now
Haiku #59987, by Praying
October 10, 2018 5:39 pm ET

You must (must!) be saved
but the weird thing about it,
your own will: useless
Haiku #59986, by the stench of it all was getting to me
October 10, 2018 4:39 pm ET

Bare Necessities
Will need G-string and pasties
Then go to the bank
Haiku #59985, by Starkitten of A bit nippy
October 10, 2018 4:19 pm ET

Donna Godchaux's voice
Proven to cause brain damage
Tune out. Take Tylenol
Haiku #59984, by Deadhead
October 10, 2018 3:47 pm ET

According to the
DEA the Grateful Dead

Cover for the sale
Distribution LSD
Bunch of silly squares
Haiku #59983, by Hipster of Starbucks
October 10, 2018 2:29 pm ET

Vegan Parmesan
Try Parma! Original
Starkitten Approved
Haiku #59982, by Starkitten
October 10, 2018 2:15 pm ET

Ain't no Peter Popoff
He sent me mystery oil
Like GG Allin
Haiku #59981, by Post Office of Sealed for your Protection
October 10, 2018 2:12 pm ET

Solved your worm problem
Telepathy and Magnets
Anal Exodus

Be near a latrine
There may be some slight cramping
Noticed you have crabs
Haiku #59980, by Doctor Haikuna Matata of Village of the Ashes
October 10, 2018 2:02 pm ET

celestial glories
eternal transcendental
God alone: holy
Haiku #59979, by multiple faces of the cherubim
October 10, 2018 12:50 pm ET

That's a three way bulb
Much safer than candlesticks
Haiku #59978, by Anonymous Poet
October 10, 2018 11:11 am ET

I am perverted
Everything is terrible
Insert gross action
Haiku #59977, by DARTH PIGTICKLER of Inserting Lightbulb Somewhere
October 10, 2018 11:06 am ET