BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
23 Years
312 Days
68094 Haikus
You want to get big?
Rub stinging nettles on it.
Just a little bit.
Haiku #60005, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 11, 2018 12:32 am ET

A mole of golf balls
would cover Earth three miles deep.
Save us, Tiger Woods!
Haiku #60004, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 11, 2018 12:27 am ET

A mole of moles' moles.
Six point oh two two times ten
to the twenty third.

That's hella lot of
burrowing rodent skin growths.
More than I could count.
Haiku #60003, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 11, 2018 12:25 am ET

Eat me, eat me raw!
... or cooked; it doesn't matter.
I might give you gas.
Haiku #60002, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 11, 2018 12:21 am ET

Prayer's to C'thulu:
Please eat all poets on earth.
Haiku poets first.
Haiku #60001, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 11, 2018 12:20 am ET

John Boy Walton's mole
Not of Italian descent
But kinda greasy
Haiku #60000, by Up Close of In ya face
October 11, 2018 12:01 am ET

Whatever you do
Don't say "Damn the Dead."
Ok, I warned you
Haiku #59999, by Don't say it of Don't even think about it
October 10, 2018 11:59 pm ET

Crazy Italians
Putting saints in the windows
To fight the thunder
Haiku #59998, by Crazy Italians of The Gut
October 10, 2018 11:57 pm ET

Night crawling was fun
Sometimes the worms were screwing
Sometimes broke in half
Haiku #59997, by Night Crawlers of 5 cents plus I put in my 2 cents. You do the math.
October 10, 2018 11:55 pm ET

Mortar and pestle
Medicate your family
So satisfying
Haiku #59996, by Seinfeld's Plagiarist Wife of Liquor Store
October 10, 2018 11:49 pm ET

Noah's ark happened.
So there's no more dinosaurs.
They were too damn big.
Haiku #59995, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 10, 2018 11:48 pm ET

Hail Satan, yo.
Him and his giant red ass.
Who can't worship that?!
Haiku #59994, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 10, 2018 11:33 pm ET

Fun activity
Empty out box full of snakes
And stomp their brains out!
Haiku #59993, by Adam Ben Adam
October 10, 2018 11:15 pm ET

Haiku #59992, by vhs
October 10, 2018 10:32 pm ET

We are going out the door
But not ready yet
Haiku #59991, by Anonymous Poet of Inside
October 10, 2018 8:43 pm ET

Neither a cover, nor sophisticated, deadhead distribution of LSD was (and to some extent still remains) blatant and open, clumsy and careless. "Rainbow" gatherings, burning man, and many other festivals have followed suit. It's no secret. Nothing is hidden. The DEA is a bunch of idiots.
Haiku #59990, by df
October 10, 2018 7:58 pm ET

Word play ha-penis.
Tits, ass, and cunnilingus.
Insert silliness.
Haiku #59989, by Starshittin
October 10, 2018 7:22 pm ET

Brittle toe nails.
Like an old hag casting spells.
But I've no magic.
Haiku #59988, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 10, 2018 7:17 pm ET

Restrung my guitar
Ate British savory pie
Down on my knees now
Haiku #59987, by Praying
October 10, 2018 5:39 pm ET

You must (must!) be saved
but the weird thing about it,
your own will: useless
Haiku #59986, by the stench of it all was getting to me
October 10, 2018 4:39 pm ET

Bare Necessities
Will need G-string and pasties
Then go to the bank
Haiku #59985, by Starkitten of A bit nippy
October 10, 2018 4:19 pm ET

Donna Godchaux's voice
Proven to cause brain damage
Tune out. Take Tylenol
Haiku #59984, by Deadhead
October 10, 2018 3:47 pm ET

According to the
DEA the Grateful Dead

Cover for the sale
Distribution LSD
Bunch of silly squares
Haiku #59983, by Hipster of Starbucks
October 10, 2018 2:29 pm ET

Vegan Parmesan
Try Parma! Original
Starkitten Approved
Haiku #59982, by Starkitten
October 10, 2018 2:15 pm ET

Ain't no Peter Popoff
He sent me mystery oil
Like GG Allin
Haiku #59981, by Post Office of Sealed for your Protection
October 10, 2018 2:12 pm ET

Solved your worm problem
Telepathy and Magnets
Anal Exodus

Be near a latrine
There may be some slight cramping
Noticed you have crabs
Haiku #59980, by Doctor Haikuna Matata of Village of the Ashes
October 10, 2018 2:02 pm ET

celestial glories
eternal transcendental
God alone: holy
Haiku #59979, by multiple faces of the cherubim
October 10, 2018 12:50 pm ET

That's a three way bulb
Much safer than candlesticks
Haiku #59978, by Anonymous Poet
October 10, 2018 11:11 am ET

I am perverted
Everything is terrible
Insert gross action
Haiku #59977, by DARTH PIGTICKLER of Inserting Lightbulb Somewhere
October 10, 2018 11:06 am ET

Dude, that Figpucker
has a cesspool for a mind
so, I'm out of here
Haiku #59976, by To be carnally minded is DEATH
October 10, 2018 8:21 am ET

Oh sir voodoo man,
please charm the worms from my gut.
Damn shithole countries.
Haiku #59975, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 10, 2018 5:14 am ET

I had a vision.
Plumber voodoo snake charmer.
Voo doo-doo be gone.

Flute made of pure lead.
Ass crack profoundly displayed.
Red dot on forehead.
Haiku #59974, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 10, 2018 5:13 am ET

Much like this website,
I've picked up a parasite.
Haiku #59973, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 10, 2018 5:09 am ET

Sneak up plumbers
Dildo Ambush from behind
Toilet snake appears
Haiku #59972, by Bob Villa
October 10, 2018 3:39 am ET

One day you'll own it
Do they provide galoshes?
Why not show your junk?
Haiku #59971, by Anonymous Poet
October 10, 2018 3:30 am ET

Roughly mopping floors.
My porno theater job.
Hey, it pays the bills.
Haiku #59970, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 10, 2018 3:23 am ET

Looked under the sink
Dr. Bronner's. You wrote that!?
We're All One Or None!!
Haiku #59969, by Starkitten of Far Out
October 10, 2018 3:23 am ET

My fave sex toy is
the inflatable T-Rex
with her battle scars.
Haiku #59968, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 10, 2018 3:22 am ET

Look under the sink.
There you'll find my poetry.
Counter's bottom side.

It is not easy.
I lay down on dirty floors.
Writing where none see.
Haiku #59967, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 10, 2018 3:18 am ET

Gently mopping floors
Listening to swing music
Please don't ask me why
Haiku #59966, by Man With Paper Bag On His Head
October 10, 2018 3:07 am ET

10 holes to choose from
They all smell bad but stuff your
Fingers inside them
Haiku #59965, by Nathan's Rubber Gloves of (Nathan Forgot His Rubber Gloves)
October 10, 2018 3:05 am ET

Waiting turns me on
That's called autoerotic
Haiku #59964, by Sparklepony, MD
October 10, 2018 3:03 am ET

Yeah I need this place
Same way I need a shotgun
Blast straight to my face

I pack coffee shops
Where hipsters line up to hear
Me lay down haikus
Haiku #59963, by Tony Clifton, Jr. of Las Vegas
October 10, 2018 2:53 am ET

*gruff voice*

Hey vhs it's too hot/gross here
So I quit and I'm taking my rubber
Gloves with me
Haiku #59962, by Nathan of at home watching re-runs of I Love Lucy while eating chicken pot pie
October 10, 2018 2:49 am ET

Genesis 6:6.
My favorite Bible verse.
Perhaps a tattoo.
Haiku #59961, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 9, 2018 11:37 pm ET

Have you not lost faith?
In humanity, not God.
There's no hope for us.
Haiku #59960, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 9, 2018 11:36 pm ET

That's because we're friends
It's like you are the bartender
I drink sparkling water
Haiku #59959, by Starkitten
October 9, 2018 11:19 pm ET

you respond, and i
am not ignored, i respond
i am tempted to

move on but check in
i see another post i
end up posting back
Haiku #59958, by vhs
October 9, 2018 11:14 pm ET

Hula Hula Shake!
Grass skirt caught in lawnmower
It was a close shave
Haiku #59957, by Starkitten of Hawaii
October 9, 2018 9:37 pm ET

I wrap my hamsters
with duct tape so that they do
not explode when fucked.
Haiku #59956, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 9, 2018 9:08 pm ET