Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years, 179 Days and 70633 Haikus later...

Eat me, eat me raw!
... or cooked; it doesn't matter.
I might give you gas.
Haiku # 60002, October 11, 2018 12:21 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Prayer's to C'thulu:
Please eat all poets on earth.
Haiku poets first.
Haiku # 60001, October 11, 2018 12:20 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
John Boy Walton's mole
Not of Italian descent
But kinda greasy
Haiku # 60000, October 11, 2018 12:01 am ET
by Up Close of In ya face
Whatever you do
Don't say "Damn the Dead."
Ok, I warned you
Haiku # 59999, October 10, 2018 11:59 pm ET
by Don't say it of Don't even think about it
Crazy Italians
Putting saints in the windows
To fight the thunder
Haiku # 59998, October 10, 2018 11:57 pm ET
by Crazy Italians of The Gut
Night crawling was fun
Sometimes the worms were screwing
Sometimes broke in half
Haiku # 59997, October 10, 2018 11:55 pm ET
by Night Crawlers of 5 cents plus I put in my 2 cents. You do the math.
Mortar and pestle
Medicate your family
So satisfying
Haiku # 59996, October 10, 2018 11:49 pm ET
by Seinfeld's Plagiarist Wife of Liquor Store
Noah's ark happened.
So there's no more dinosaurs.
They were too damn big.
Haiku # 59995, October 10, 2018 11:48 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Hail Satan, yo.
Him and his giant red ass.
Who can't worship that?!
Haiku # 59994, October 10, 2018 11:33 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Fun activity
Empty out box full of snakes
And stomp their brains out!
Haiku # 59993, October 10, 2018 11:15 pm ET
by Adam Ben Adam
prayer
Haiku # 59992, October 10, 2018 10:32 pm ET
by vhs
Agoraphobics
We are going out the door
But not ready yet
Haiku # 59991, October 10, 2018 8:43 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet of Inside
Neither a cover, nor sophisticated, deadhead distribution of LSD was (and to some extent still remains) blatant and open, clumsy and careless. "Rainbow" gatherings, burning man, and many other festivals have followed suit. It's no secret. Nothing is hidden. The DEA is a bunch of idiots.
Haiku # 59990, October 10, 2018 7:58 pm ET
by df
Word play ha-penis.
Tits, ass, and cunnilingus.
Insert silliness.
Haiku # 59989, October 10, 2018 7:22 pm ET
by Starshittin
Brittle toe nails.
Like an old hag casting spells.
But I've no magic.
Haiku # 59988, October 10, 2018 7:17 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Restrung my guitar
Ate British savory pie
Down on my knees now
Haiku # 59987, October 10, 2018 5:39 pm ET
by Praying
You must (must!) be saved
but the weird thing about it,
your own will: useless
Haiku # 59986, October 10, 2018 4:39 pm ET
by the stench of it all was getting to me
Bare Necessities
Will need G-string and pasties
Then go to the bank
Haiku # 59985, October 10, 2018 4:19 pm ET
by Starkitten of A bit nippy
Donna Godchaux's voice
Proven to cause brain damage
Tune out. Take Tylenol
Haiku # 59984, October 10, 2018 3:47 pm ET
by Deadhead
According to the
DEA the Grateful Dead
Sophisticated

Cover for the sale
Distribution LSD
Bunch of silly squares
Haiku # 59983, October 10, 2018 2:29 pm ET
by Hipster of Starbucks
Vegan Parmesan
Try Parma! Original
Starkitten Approved
Haiku # 59982, October 10, 2018 2:15 pm ET
by Starkitten
Ain't no Peter Popoff
He sent me mystery oil
Like GG Allin
Haiku # 59981, October 10, 2018 2:12 pm ET
by Post Office of Sealed for your Protection
Solved your worm problem
Telepathy and Magnets
Anal Exodus

Be near a latrine
There may be some slight cramping
Noticed you have crabs
Haiku # 59980, October 10, 2018 2:02 pm ET
by Doctor Haikuna Matata of Village of the Ashes
celestial glories
eternal transcendental
God alone: holy
Haiku # 59979, October 10, 2018 12:50 pm ET
by multiple faces of the cherubim
That's a three way bulb
Much safer than candlesticks
Illuminated
Haiku # 59978, October 10, 2018 11:11 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
I am perverted
Everything is terrible
Insert gross action
Haiku # 59977, October 10, 2018 11:06 am ET
by DARTH PIGTICKLER of Inserting Lightbulb Somewhere
Dude, that Figpucker
has a cesspool for a mind
so, I'm out of here
Haiku # 59976, October 10, 2018 8:21 am ET
by To be carnally minded is DEATH
Oh sir voodoo man,
please charm the worms from my gut.
Damn shithole countries.
Haiku # 59975, October 10, 2018 5:14 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
I had a vision.
Plumber voodoo snake charmer.
Voo doo-doo be gone.

Flute made of pure lead.
Ass crack profoundly displayed.
Red dot on forehead.
Haiku # 59974, October 10, 2018 5:13 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Much like this website,
I've picked up a parasite.
Figpuckeritis.
Haiku # 59973, October 10, 2018 5:09 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Sneak up plumbers
Dildo Ambush from behind
Toilet snake appears
Haiku # 59972, October 10, 2018 3:39 am ET
by Bob Villa
One day you'll own it
Do they provide galoshes?
Why not show your junk?
Haiku # 59971, October 10, 2018 3:30 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Roughly mopping floors.
My porno theater job.
Hey, it pays the bills.
Haiku # 59970, October 10, 2018 3:23 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Looked under the sink
Dr. Bronner's. You wrote that!?
We're All One Or None!!
Haiku # 59969, October 10, 2018 3:23 am ET
by Starkitten of Far Out
My fave sex toy is
the inflatable T-Rex
with her battle scars.
Haiku # 59968, October 10, 2018 3:22 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Look under the sink.
There you'll find my poetry.
Counter's bottom side.

It is not easy.
I lay down on dirty floors.
Writing where none see.
Haiku # 59967, October 10, 2018 3:18 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Gently mopping floors
Listening to swing music
Please don't ask me why
Haiku # 59966, October 10, 2018 3:07 am ET
by Man With Paper Bag On His Head
10 holes to choose from
They all smell bad but stuff your
Fingers inside them
Haiku # 59965, October 10, 2018 3:05 am ET
by Nathan's Rubber Gloves of (Nathan Forgot His Rubber Gloves)
Waiting turns me on
That's called autoerotic
Procrastination
Haiku # 59964, October 10, 2018 3:03 am ET
by Sparklepony, MD
Yeah I need this place
Same way I need a shotgun
Blast straight to my face

I pack coffee shops
Where hipsters line up to hear
Me lay down haikus
Haiku # 59963, October 10, 2018 2:53 am ET
by Tony Clifton, Jr. of Las Vegas
*gruff voice*

Hey vhs it's too hot/gross here
So I quit and I'm taking my rubber
Gloves with me
Haiku # 59962, October 10, 2018 2:49 am ET
by Nathan of at home watching re-runs of I Love Lucy while eating chicken pot pie
Genesis 6:6.
My favorite Bible verse.
Perhaps a tattoo.
Haiku # 59961, October 9, 2018 11:37 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Have you not lost faith?
In humanity, not God.
There's no hope for us.
Haiku # 59960, October 9, 2018 11:36 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
That's because we're friends
It's like you are the bartender
I drink sparkling water
Haiku # 59959, October 9, 2018 11:19 pm ET
by Starkitten
you respond, and i
am not ignored, i respond
i am tempted to

move on but check in
i see another post i
end up posting back
Haiku # 59958, October 9, 2018 11:14 pm ET
by vhs
Hula Hula Shake!
Grass skirt caught in lawnmower
It was a close shave
Haiku # 59957, October 9, 2018 9:37 pm ET
by Starkitten of Hawaii
I wrap my hamsters
with duct tape so that they do
not explode when fucked.
Haiku # 59956, October 9, 2018 9:08 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
You should not complain
about political chat
When vogons are near.
Haiku # 59955, October 9, 2018 9:05 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
My enormous cock
will not fit in your small twat;
let's try your asshole.

Feeling romantic
I say to my pet hamsters
bound with gray duct tape.
Haiku # 59954, October 9, 2018 9:02 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
shut up about the
fucking politics, whether
screaming democrats

or old lady Rep
yacking about nutcase libs
I am The Doctor

If I must release
the Big Red Box, then you know
how Gallifrey

Ended...
Haiku # 59953, October 9, 2018 8:20 pm ET
by vhs
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