Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 223 Days and 77150 Haiku later...

Drank two daiquiris
last night; banana of course.
Time to throw more poo.
Haiku # 59670, September 25, 2018 5:07 pm ET
Fifty years ago
My father punched Phil Spector
In an elevator
Haiku # 59669, September 25, 2018 4:54 pm ET
by Starkitten
Prehistoric Porn
Dildo: Wooly Mammoth Horn
Flintstone getting hard
Haiku # 59668, September 25, 2018 4:51 pm ET
by Starkitten of One million strong and Growing...
All That Gorilla!
Dianne Fossey. Bob Fossey.
This show can't be "MIst"
Haiku # 59667, September 25, 2018 4:44 pm ET
by Starkitten Productions
Banana Cream Pie
Does not contain bananas
Does not contain cream
Haiku # 59666, September 25, 2018 4:29 pm ET
by Baked Chef of Starkittenworld of Empty Pantry. Cooking with one ingredient: Dirty Mind
on and on and on
Haiku # 59665, September 25, 2018 3:15 pm ET
by Some guy that once looked at pic of a naked Haiku Geisha playing her Koto
The firm sweet white fruit,
peel flung carelessly aside...
Ah --- those bananas.
Haiku # 59664, September 25, 2018 3:11 pm ET
by Right Reverend Rector and Primate of the Anglican Church of the Ruwenzoris
Bananas now, boys.
Bring me your best bananas.
Then, the monkesses.
Haiku # 59663, September 25, 2018 3:06 pm ET
by peeling them first, less risk of slippage in the jungle.
Dr. Jane Goodal
knew nothing of Gorrilas.
(It's still all good, yo.)
Haiku # 59662, September 25, 2018 3:04 pm ET
by the beard of King Chimpanzee, I feel a fit of Haiku coming on.
Miss Diane Fossey
studied me and my homies.
She's mist . . . I mean "missed"!
Haiku # 59661, September 25, 2018 3:01 pm ET
by mentioning primatology, one assumes you subscribe to the primacy of the Darwinian hypothesis
bee girls, blind mellon
guys who like bee girls and
there's a real movie

called attack of the bee girls
(shags men to death)
Haiku # 59660, September 25, 2018 2:53 pm ET
by vhs of it was on vhs
Gorilla fist-bump
and a shout-out to my peeps:
How you like my shoes?
Haiku # 59659, September 25, 2018 2:53 pm ET
by the Mountains of the Moon
Please use front entrance
Constipation Hall of Fame
Rear entry is closed
Haiku # 59658, September 25, 2018 2:52 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
A word to the wise
Don't shake hands with gorillas
Don't even fist bump
Haiku # 59657, September 25, 2018 2:44 pm ET
by That lady who studied gorillas
i don't know it's like
andy kauffman took some strong
stimulants legal

or otherwise and
is using us all like you
know Jeff Dunham's dolls

to post haiku here
Haiku # 59656, September 25, 2018 2:43 pm ET
by vhs
hmm the gorilla
that throws poo at the people
who visit the zoo

Haiku # 59655, September 25, 2018 2:38 pm ET
by vhs
One of the wettest
We've ever seen from the standpoint
Of Cunnilingus
Haiku # 59654, September 25, 2018 1:13 pm ET
by The Great Brain of Paper Towel Aisle
Earn extra income!
Work from the comfort of your home!
Writing Bad Haiku
Haiku # 59653, September 25, 2018 12:49 pm ET
by Starkitten of At the Bank cashing another Bad Haiku cheque
I just shat myself.
I guess I should go clean up.
Nah, fuck it, that's gay.
Haiku # 59652, September 25, 2018 11:24 am ET
I'm deplorable!
I'm a Russian bot; the Dregs!
Oh . . . and a Nazi.
Haiku # 59651, September 25, 2018 10:04 am ET
by the way, I am also a lover of most things you despise.
The William Tell Game:
Borroughs to wife: "Stand right there...
now don't move." BANG! Whoops.
Haiku # 59650, September 25, 2018 8:57 am ET
by the window you become aware of a bloodstain on the wall
im not aware of
too many things, but, that was a
good one hit song there

i think shes texan
Haiku # 59649, September 25, 2018 7:58 am ET
by vhs
Archery Practice
Arrow through head Not Steve Martin
Bullseye! Paul Simon!!
Haiku # 59648, September 25, 2018 4:40 am ET
by Edie Brickell of Wherever they serve alcohol
Dude, where have you been?
Paper color same as tree
Nature is so cool
Haiku # 59647, September 24, 2018 10:09 pm ET
by Starkitten of Psychedelic Northwest
post it note, many
neon colors, what will it say
to future cultures?

colored pieces of paper?
Haiku # 59646, September 24, 2018 9:58 pm ET
by vhs
what would an evangelical
christian vogon poet be like
i will give it my best
Haiku # 59645, September 24, 2018 6:37 pm ET
by vhs
Tell me what's that lump?
Bad Haikoal in your stocking?
Happy to see me?
Haiku # 59644, September 24, 2018 6:32 pm ET
by Librarian
Nice VHS! I really like the xmas stuff!
We'll make you a Sith Lord of Vogon Poetry yet.

Reminds me of one I did a long time back... maybe I'll dig it up.... or just link to it.

Yeah, I fucking love egg nog, but sooo damn fattening. Haven't had it in years.
Haiku # 59643, September 24, 2018 6:14 pm ET
One united world
No borders, no flags, no God...
Won't happen. Sorry.
Haiku # 59642, September 24, 2018 5:51 pm ET
by the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked
Dagon was in the
OT, oh HP was quite
new englands man indeed

nataniel hawthorne
before, stephen king after
the cold leaves doth blow
Haiku # 59641, September 24, 2018 5:45 pm ET
by vhs of those damn deep my bird seed
she rose from the center of
the fruitcake ancient and fossilized
underneathe the yuletide blatherings
BRIGHT...the sleigh in the darkness
the ancient chant of HOhoHO!
the sacrifice of the milk of cows
and the sugared round...cooo..kees
the evening of the yules prsenting
sacrifice under the burning chimney
for He Who Places Boxes Under The
Tree, with an obscene brightness
of unnatural colored lights on a
dying evergreen in the winters den
darkness of the ancient long night of winter, YemLog, Queen of EggNog
did attend their host
Haiku # 59640, September 24, 2018 5:41 pm ET
by vhs of wtf...
Inconvenient. Had to go!
Poop in paint can
Haiku # 59639, September 24, 2018 3:17 pm ET
by Starkitten of Specific Northwest
Believe it or not
Rendezvous with The Gill-Man
File under KInky
Haiku # 59638, September 24, 2018 3:00 pm ET
by Starkitten
I thought he invented that shit... so, he makes up his own fairy tales, and believes them. Wow, just like... any religion. LOL
Haiku # 59637, September 24, 2018 1:39 pm ET
Believed it alright
The granddaddy of them all
Lived down in his pants
Haiku # 59636, September 24, 2018 1:31 pm ET
by Starkitten of Mooncake River
Old H.P. Lovecraft
He really believed that stuff:
Cthulu, Dagon...
Haiku # 59635, September 24, 2018 11:48 am ET
by the light of the gibbous moon
Impossible task:
Elevate quality here.
Back to the gutter.
Haiku # 59634, September 24, 2018 9:32 am ET
by stressing the depravity of your soul, you sin against all
Fattening physics.
Missing Mooncakes lost matter.
Oprah's Big Black Hole.

Do not get sucked in.
Poetry cannot escape
the gravity well.
Haiku # 59633, September 24, 2018 9:23 am ET
You should check out the
C'thulu for President
Haiku # 59632, September 24, 2018 9:19 am ET
by df
obscurity was
the love i had for my own
20s, odd mind tidbits

oh cthulhu the madness of
this era even exceeds thee
oh fictional squid god
Haiku # 59631, September 24, 2018 8:53 am ET
by vhs
cat purrs cat crawls up
seeing human as hill to
climb over, rest on
Haiku # 59630, September 24, 2018 8:52 am ET
by vhs
when a man loves a
woman but he wants to be
a me

ive seen other variations on this
theme too
Haiku # 59629, September 24, 2018 8:50 am ET
by vhs
moon pies were pretty
bad but addictive like so
much, tastes good, bad carbs
Haiku # 59628, September 24, 2018 8:49 am ET
by vhs
well i post one blurb
and radio silence, uh
what's radio? 105.1 fm tos
Haiku # 59627, September 24, 2018 8:44 am ET
by vhs
just another manic
monday, maniacs, mid terms
and the letters mmmmm
Haiku # 59626, September 24, 2018 7:17 am ET
by vhs
The missing mooncakes
Just like those Gingerbread Men
Sneaky Doberman
Haiku # 59625, September 24, 2018 4:24 am ET
by Starkitten of Mooncakeless in Seattle
Transsexual storms.
Hurriphoons and/or tycanes.
Sharing hemispheres.

But hurricanes and
typhoons don't want tornadoes
to be molested.
Haiku # 59624, September 24, 2018 2:03 am ET
Born a month late. Breech
Traffic Jam in Birth Canal
Detour thru Rear End
Haiku # 59623, September 24, 2018 1:32 am ET
by Birth Stories of A long time ago in 🇨🇦
Married on Monday
Newbie groom hid in bathroom
But his goose was cooked
Haiku # 59622, September 24, 2018 1:23 am ET
by First Ever Meatless Monday
Kapre...Big Galoot
21 Balut Salute
Big Hairy skin flute
Haiku # 59621, September 24, 2018 1:06 am ET
by King Kong
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