All those fart haikus
and excrementality --
yes, you are quite sick

Catholic Civil War
Oh God imagine the guilt
That one wrote itself

My silken nightie
forced to leave the Motherland
becuz we wuz KANGZ

Trump this and Trump that . . .
Damn. Can't even find my keys.
(keyless in Hell now.)

Solid Gold Dancers
Perhaps it was a mistake
Force feeding them corn

...Shitty Music Hall
It's a fecal free for all
Time for Curtain Call

The Rockettes kick high
That's when the poop starts to fly
Radio Shitty....

Hey, That's Gene Kelly
His trousers sure are smelly
Wash them in the rain!

Made the switch to tap
All that bouncing made me crap.
Wardrobe Malfunction!

Jazz hands in the air
All the right moves. Fred Astaire.
With brown underwear

Nutcracker not sweet
Got kicked out of ballet class
Reason: Smelly Ass

That Baryshnikov
He only farts when he runs
Not when he's dancing

i am about to
implode into a black hole
fuck the left, censored...

it overruns the
space, i can't think, speak breathe or
give a shit no more

Hey Buddy, Get a Room!
The Pompeii Masturbator
Past life: James Spader

We are not going to
Make Narnia great again
It was never great

Post-Apocalypse.
Cockroaches and Bad Haiku.
What's in it for you?

Build a Wicker Man
Fill it with bad ex-husbands
A real wiener roast

Obedience School
And cats in attendance?
I didn't think so

Anyone else here
Got a conjoined headless twin?
Or is it just me?

Contemplate the suck:
Boring nature imagery
Abrupt line-endings

haiku be all like
five to tha seven, feel me?
all up in your face

of John McCain's brain
there's no need to speak about
(gone to Rino-land)

That Robert Mueller
Was such a pleasant young man
Cold stone wall, no soul

today, tomorrow
the next day the day after
weeks, fortnite months years

here we go again
another prime minister
and no governing

My board was lime green
With a Pink Panther sticker
Proof of my coolness

I used to longboard
Down on the pier could go fast
Longboards are better

I loved skateboarding
Always faked getting injured
So Leif could save me

He was the cat's ass
We both had great hair
Don't get me started

Has anyone here tried skateboarding?

on vacation they
go home after labor day
giving us time off

Perfect Gentleman
Went to the Sorebonne you know
Sore in a good way

My virginity
I lost it on the golf course
A true hole in one

Not like Caddyshack
This time Bill Murray made friends
With a cute beaver

Really, Donald Trump?
Why not just wipe your YUGE rump
With your red tie

I was going to write a haiku, but now I'll have to excuse myself b/c I have to go take a shit... not I have to excuse myself for saying I was going to take a shit and not just saying "use the restroom" like a polite person would say and now I have to excuse myself for shitting my pants b/c I took too long to type this message and I guess there is just no excuse for my bad behavior.... Mommy! Come wipe me!

Dark side of the moon
Somewhere over the rainbow
Pot o ' Mind Control

Here comes Donald Trump
Raw dogging an old tree stump
I mean, Barbara Bush

Quick, Throw him in jail!
Take a guess who posted bail?
A horny peacock!

Bad man at the zoo
Sodomized the kangaroo!
And the joey too!!

He jumped from a plane
Parachuted down to Earth
Fucked her corpse. True Love.

You got it way wrong.
Copulating Tortises?
George and Barbara Bush!

A day at the zoo
Daddy why is that bad man
Pulling his small worm?

That's a big fat NOPE!
Flying simian semen
should never be missed.

I mean to say that
the semen flies, not the apes.
Toto, is this Oz?

It may not be Oz,
But it ain't fuckin' Kansas!
Rock band reference.

Toto and Kansas.
Somewhere Over the Rainbow.
Love Judy Garland.

Dr. Doolittle
Maybe you should just stay home
Watch Zaboomafoo

Tomorrow I go watch the monkeys beat off and civet cats shit out coffee beans to be roasted for my next morning's brew and crocodiles to be turned into ornaments, pouches, bags, and croc-on-a-stick street meat treats. The giant turtle is fun, but it's more fun when they're humping and there's only a lonely one of them... very very sad. Tortoises copulating is an amazing show and even more fun watching the parents explain the "game" they are playing.
Then I will have chocolate covered lizard testes or something like that. How fun. Anything to entertain the monsters.

You fat mother fuckers eating your Goddam Froot Loops and bovine teat juice homogenized hormonized whore moans dirty Johns and dirty toilet cereal serial bowls, you do it again and again in the back alleys cereal bowling alleys begging for a fix of sugar and added vitamins you sick diseased fuckheads! You are the downfall of the human race! I hope you all die!... Oh, and can you pass the sugar and cream...
Slurrrrpppp... ahhhhh... that's much better. Thank you.

thank you, I'll have to
get a box of froot loops the
next time I'm about

Just letting you know
You have offended my bird
Toucan Sam I am

Fucking Endless loops.
We'll never be enlightened.
Circles are evil.

Look what they have done!
You can blame humanity.
I blame the circles.

Pave the world with tar.
So the circles can spin 'round.
Dull conic sections.

Frogs don't need circles.
They have orgies all through spring.
And are food for snakes.

(Which is no bad thing!)

The frogs are content
without circles or poems
to clog up their minds.

Fuck fuck eat swim fuck.
I am so fucking jealous.
Life without circles.



I have to go feed my tortoise now.
Byeeee...

1 x=0
2 If x=0 goto 1
3 Boogidie Boogidie Boo Be Dop Shlop-a-Roo Bam Boom!

i am glad i do
have regrets, somehow i feel
more human that way