Okay, that's a lie.
I'm not really a real fridge.
More of a toaster.

Sheena, I am the
Epitome of chilledness.
In fact, I'm a fridge.

charcoal grey ocean
oblique silver shafts of light
broken cumuli

the art of haiku
requires much contemplation
and numeracy

single male haiku
looking for female haiku
object good syntax

i am double spaced

floating in my own bell jar

like a demon bird.

distinctions are blurred
horizon surrounds me now
earth and sky are one.

rain's duality
suits my personality
wow, tacky rhyming.

i walk in the rain
dreamy with melancholy
feelin' poetic

why not shave back, ash?
'most as good as belly lint
for stuff pillow with

scrunty, take a chilllll
whate'r, tis of small import
no questions, no lies.

damn seeds in my pot!
I wish they were magnetic,
then I could just smoke.

silence is golden
but then again so is piss
slience is not wet

ha ha ha ha ha

hee hee hee ha hee hee

ho ho ha fuck you

douche dripping down on
my head, freshness from the bag
cool summers eve soothes

new and improved site
does this mean less bad haiku ?
perhaps it means more ....

upon reflection
this eclectic collection
deserves inspection

DROP OFF THE EXTRA
SYLLABLES, PLACE THE HAIKU
ON THE GROUND, FUCKA

my conscience is clear
as is my (unshaven) back
i have no regret

not law enforcement
i am merely a minder
regarding haiku

ash are you a man
or woman haiku cop? now
we know you are shaved

schlong scha schlong schlong schlong
sisqo's newest release: the
schlong song. i am bored

i have no back hair
wanted to clarify that
in case you thought so

my back hair rising
you can count, but why are you
ignoring syntax ?

His soft mouth against
the back of my neck, fingers
achingly gentle

contrast the fierceness
of my heartbeat. How I love
to feel in extremes!

Cordial, imploring, asks:
"G.I. Joe! Want suck?

Cordial, imploring, says:

Vietnamese hooker

in my secret world
i can stay up far too late
i will sleep till noon

for maturity
you'll be waiting a long time
and for sanity ?

Drugs are lots of fun
Crystal methamphetamine
Is easy to make

if a Touretter
curses in the empty woods
does he/she make a sound?

when in doubt, says dad
take a shit in your own hand
dad is quite senile

she says, can you hold?
no, stupid bitch, I can't hold
fucking music plays

See the sleepy man,
There, in front of the TV.
Just "resting his eyes".

Two men paint my wall.
One sneaks looks at the other.
Paint roller envy.

Behold Leatherman
Like Excalibur, glinting
In my toilet bowl

I farted so hard
That my buttocks vibrated
Causing discomfort

We need more cheesecloth
To fuel a revolution
and to make dusters

See the geeky girl
See the geeky girl compute
With her computer

Creative spacing
Is the future of writing
You know it makess ense

When the oil run sout
There shall be no more plastic
Worth thinking about.

Part-man, part-feline,
And armed with just a hammer,
He imparts justice.

Give me back my feet
I find them very useful
Unlike these maracas..

Imagine the love child
Of Kurt Russell and John Thaw.
Scary, isn't it?

Why do you love the
Rocky Horror Picture Show?
Hand-jiving buffoon.

I explained my name
Two site redesigns ago;
It's European.

notes exchanged in class
miss landers and the beaver
hearts aching with love