Neanderthal man
had no use for cat litter
or names like Snowball

Yo, freak-nasty ho...
Won't you give me some lovin'?
I got a quarter

do dogs have the right
to nap after a brisk walk
shameless animals

just bought a new car
a fact difficult to hide
pulling in the drive

back to the drawing
bored stuck again and again
life leaking out now

Love is good, it makes
us happy. dating sucks. I
just want to get laid

some haiku are so fine
you need to send them two times
alas this ain't one

he got his haircut
a new outlook on living
and instant credit

he got his haircut
a new outlook on living
and instant credit

Why make a Haiku
Surfing the net is better
Oh wait i made one

sweet sinsemilla
heady smells of summertime
resin resonates

once i licked a toad
hoping to hallucinate
should i tell my kids?

don't be alarmed child
the pieces don't always fit
this is normal here

disco magicians
statistical states of grace
black helicopters

I'm at work and bored
Lucky I have internet
Surfing on their dime.

New football season
Commercials interrupted
By large, padded men

Watching some football
Bills lost in the closing seconds
I hate everyone

you cum like glam rock
explosive and luminous
worth the admission

if you had a brain
to go aong with that ass
you'd be somethin' else

my ribcage crackles
with the knowledge you're alive
make all your days count

the nice girl next door
doesn't live there anymore
she's a stripper now

I have always feared
being homeless and alone
sucking cock for food

you're the foxiest
in your white cotton panties
who's your daddy girl?

your haiku is good
our haiku is better still
give up now round-eye

you are so damn fine
I can't look you in the eye
you make my guts hurt

damn repetitive
the server's error, not mine
what was that again?

thank you for that prize
hopefully for my talents
not verbosity

thank you for that prize
hopefully for my talents
not verbosity

yes i like the beers
and if i had a spaceship
i'd have beers on board

i drank seven beers
i'm not manly but i'm drunk
right now that's enough

right now my head pounds
just got drunk with high school friends
it's twelve years since then

right now my heart swells
those i now know how i've missed
all still existing

(and by the way, kids, don't do drugs)

Hey, Listen up Ash
Did you get your haiku prize?
It was sent Thursday

Lights down, intro blares
A moments pause: they take the stage
Chills shoot down my spine

torment me no more
for though i have no spell check
the proof is out there

sad imperfection
causes a certain longing
where a log should be

sleep in until noon
long on and write a haiku
happy father's day

Oink oink oink oink
PUMA IM SORRY FOR THAT
STARCRAFT TODAY... HA

Pumamonkey! He
is my hero... always there
for me. OINK WITH ME!!

Off to the concert
I thought you went with parents.
true, but also with him

Holiday Weekend
Thousands come and decide this:
Ignore traffic laws

Please, no wait, please don't,
I was on hold 3 hours!
Please--goddammit---(beeeeep)

Pull my finger, son.
Hope your prom date doesn't mind,
Ooops, leaky diaper!

Ill-tempered sea bass
With fricken laser beam heads
Throw me a bone here

scooby doobie doo
cleft palate lends a different
music to my ear

hurling blue ephemerid
soar true through the air and dine
on tailgaters eye

how does the dog know
he only chews the heads off
the small plastic toys

meeting with the boss
not paying much attention
heh,heh...she said "wood"

your soft pink anus
it winks at me in my dreams
pucker up, baby

if i was called sue
and i was quite attractive
i'd work for kit kat

i'd like to ride you
dressed as a naked cowboy
how does thursday sound?

hey! you! scooter boy!
scoot like you've never scooted!
Buffy's on in 5!

my fucking printer
vomits forth the vile slander
and not my homework

i have but five sweets
and five friends to share them with
but only two razors