A Writer's Companion
You are not a hobby or an aperitif,
a laundry basket I can forget,
or a man I wish were mine.

You are the comfort in the night,
a right flight plan, the only one I have,
a ticket to come by.

The times I begin to doze, you'll nudge me
to a desk, floor, perspectives my weak mind
won't do without, or ask to sleep some more.

Judgement and prescriptions end in
facts and budding truths of lyric
and almost lyrical lines
pulled fresh from your garden.

A ruby fruit for filled pancakes
on the first cold days of autumn.

You are the conjecture,
impetus for getting away
from my warm covers and lovers
this and every morning.

Where are we going at this hour?

At first she said yes
But it soon turned into no
Now she speaks no more

The audacity of that cunt, getting
up on that podium groaning and
blubbering about her "experience"
with sexual assault. The feminist
audience nods in girlpower
agreement. Wasn't she the one
who necessitated the use of anal
beads in the first place?

diary haiku,
sexually frustrated,
writes nice paragraphs.

She gives you consent
But afterward she's ashamed
It's time to cry rape.

The shapely swiveling
hips of grandpa carving
Thanksgiving turkey.

She seem to enjoy my finger in
her bum at the time, but two
months later she decides with the
help of her friends that she'd been
raped. I claim it was consentual,
but I'm kicked out of school
anyway. Moral of the story: if
you're going to fuck a girl nasty
style, make sure to kill her
afterwards and dismember the
body.

I just love all these boring diary-
haikus being farted out for mass
consumption. I'll try one myself-
I got up today
And started the morning with
a weeping session.

Du bist Unternarr
Mit dein Bockwurst mit So

learn, as the drugs leave
learn as you lose it, you will
learn, as the drugs leave

University
I should attend more often
Or I'll be thrown out

I wrote too many
got addicted way too fast
can I get a patch?

please don't leave me yet
pry your fingers from the keys
I might fall apart

faults she'll never see
through the strong love in her eyes
she's too good for him

mom says be careful
be careful who you fall for
I should have listened

school just makes me stress
just to get me out the house
bull shit isn't it?

look me in the eye
lie to ease my conscience
tell me she's not real

So I'm addicted,
first step is admiting it
so what happens now?

you make my lips numb
don't think I can recover
you just say "oh shush"

making bad haikus
someone said it would be fun
so why the hell not?

standing on the edge,
i'm thinking about jumping,
the ship is sinking.

run, flee for your life!
if he's just weird, at least you
indulged in drama.

other scary thing:
he cruises dating websites
more proof pool's shrunk, stunk

famous last words huh
...he seemed shy and innocent
no, trust your instinct!!

his eyes are creepy
and he just looks very odd
he's prob'ly harmless

i wonder if he's
the type to torture an'mals
seems psycho to me

whenever i'm here
this freak-nasty freak shows up
and sits next to me

come on, get in, don't
hide under truck staring at
me, dog and/or Gramps

I am funk
I am a bad haiku

here's some advice, folks
hot water daily is key!
please, be merciful!

all respect to the
immigrants: you are cool, but
deodorant rules!

Land of the Free and
Home of the Freshly Showered...
Please acculturate!.....!

people, people, hey!
welcome to America,
where soap's pretty cheap.

why, Lord, can't people,
whatever their place of birth,
learn to f***ing bathe!

goddamn this nasty
computer lab where i breathe
other people's funk

don't always be the victim
don't feed the beast
we have all been children
we have all been victims
and perpetrators too
and none of it is special
except when we look up from our holes
we see the light
and in some breif moment
we reach the light
that's special

The atomic bomb
Dropped on Baghdad shall be called
The "Liberator".

I'd like one order
of carbon monoxide, two shots
of battery acid, one small cyanide
pill, and all of it biggie sized with
a coke to wash it down.

My dream is to start up my own
euthanasia business. My
advertisements will promise
"Service with a smile."

I'm sorry, Dave, but all the tests
show that there's a golf ball size
tumor in your frontal lobe. Ha Ha
April Fools! Gotcha Bitch.

Wisdom is knowing
That suicide is only
Allotted to man.

Baloney sammiches are nutritious,
Just like Sid Vicious,
Or St. Aloyishes

I worship ducks and goats,
(goats are fun at parties) because
I am Farmer Rick, King of Golgotha

I worship cows and pigs,
For I am Farmer Rick,
King of the Free World...

Where did my computer go?
All I have is my Atari 2600,
And a porno mag....

scruffy the dog, in my yard,
blammo goes my 22 caliber,
poor ol scruffy...im gonna eat
him for supper

life is like a bowling ball,
you roll down the alley,
and go in the gutter....

Isn't all sex just consentual rape
anyway? And isn't your body
something akin to the moist towel
I use to catch my semen, some
thing I can wipe my shame on and
toss to the next man?

If Mr. T and
Nell Carter spawned, we'd hear sung
"Don't Jibba Jabba"

Oh, don't worry about this cigarette
burn, Nurse Betty. It's just how
daddy shows his love.