making bad haikus
someone said it would be fun
so why the hell not?

standing on the edge,
i'm thinking about jumping,
the ship is sinking.

run, flee for your life!
if he's just weird, at least you
indulged in drama.

other scary thing:
he cruises dating websites
more proof pool's shrunk, stunk

famous last words huh
...he seemed shy and innocent
no, trust your instinct!!

his eyes are creepy
and he just looks very odd
he's prob'ly harmless

i wonder if he's
the type to torture an'mals
seems psycho to me

whenever i'm here
this freak-nasty freak shows up
and sits next to me

come on, get in, don't
hide under truck staring at
me, dog and/or Gramps

I am funk
I am a bad haiku

here's some advice, folks
hot water daily is key!
please, be merciful!

all respect to the
immigrants: you are cool, but
deodorant rules!

Land of the Free and
Home of the Freshly Showered...
Please acculturate!.....!

people, people, hey!
welcome to America,
where soap's pretty cheap.

why, Lord, can't people,
whatever their place of birth,
learn to f***ing bathe!

goddamn this nasty
computer lab where i breathe
other people's funk

don't always be the victim
don't feed the beast
we have all been children
we have all been victims
and perpetrators too
and none of it is special
except when we look up from our holes
we see the light
and in some breif moment
we reach the light
that's special

The atomic bomb
Dropped on Baghdad shall be called
The "Liberator".

I'd like one order
of carbon monoxide, two shots
of battery acid, one small cyanide
pill, and all of it biggie sized with
a coke to wash it down.

My dream is to start up my own
euthanasia business. My
advertisements will promise
"Service with a smile."

I'm sorry, Dave, but all the tests
show that there's a golf ball size
tumor in your frontal lobe. Ha Ha
April Fools! Gotcha Bitch.

Wisdom is knowing
That suicide is only
Allotted to man.

Baloney sammiches are nutritious,
Just like Sid Vicious,
Or St. Aloyishes

I worship ducks and goats,
(goats are fun at parties) because
I am Farmer Rick, King of Golgotha

I worship cows and pigs,
For I am Farmer Rick,
King of the Free World...

Where did my computer go?
All I have is my Atari 2600,
And a porno mag....

scruffy the dog, in my yard,
blammo goes my 22 caliber,
poor ol scruffy...im gonna eat
him for supper

life is like a bowling ball,
you roll down the alley,
and go in the gutter....

Isn't all sex just consentual rape
anyway? And isn't your body
something akin to the moist towel
I use to catch my semen, some
thing I can wipe my shame on and
toss to the next man?

If Mr. T and
Nell Carter spawned, we'd hear sung
"Don't Jibba Jabba"

Oh, don't worry about this cigarette
burn, Nurse Betty. It's just how
daddy shows his love.

Late 60's party:
Sandy Duncan swaps eye with
Sam Davis Jr.

Sitting in the rest home being
spoon fed baby carrots, he asks
himself what was the point?
School, work, marriage, kids,
retirement, and now doomed to
die in the warehouse alone and
betrayed.

Scraping away at
The dark underbelly of
Our pitiful lives.

"What's she doing hittin me with
a restraining order? I'm gonna go
teach that bitch a lesson!"

Stalking prying eyes
Pretending to be gentle
Lurking scheming
Cow will get you

Emma

Their moo is evil
It shall frighten you rigid
And they shall eat you

Saddam has weapons!
Homicidal supercows
They shall destroy you

Excitement of karts--
Old motorcycle engines...
Backpack of POWER.

I have a Passport
For Tiger, it's not much money
I want a new car.

had an awesome time,
crazy loungin' with my peeps,
and dancin' with rogue.

lack of marshmallow "peeps"
makes a man go crazy
sometimes..

there goes the weekend,
i really didn't mind it,
waking on the couch.

breathing fumes all day
alternately dumb and brilliant
next i paint the phone

i think i'll stop here,
this will be my third haiku,
third to end in "fun".

at first a mistake
brush falls out of mouth - fuck it
paint the computer

i'm kinda tired,
it's not from a lack of sleep,
it's the lack of fun.

feeling kinda bored,
i think i will learn Spanish,
this should be some fun.

may seems not to come
agree about beach vay-kay
will never come home