Yankees, Yankees, suck!!!
We got robbed by umpires.
Die you bastards Die!!

based on a true story

crashed my bike one time
my nuts got scabs and i cried
i was embarrased

Big, fat, red-head, Jake
Loves dirty animal sex
Your pet is not safe

Fat angel cant fly
his wings are covered in sweat
lay off the twinkies

The Hippo kills me
cant go for two, kick is good!
what did you do!!! Nooooooo!

You know that carpet
from the seventies? There''s a
reason it''s called "shag."

That happened to me
once, Trisha, and I told the
teacher to stuff it.

I made a sculpture
that expressed all of myself,
and the professor

made it demonstrate
what not to do. I am what
not to do, I guess.

Germans are dumb-fucks.
They spell "Canada" like this:
"Kanada." Fuck that.

Fuck the communists.
Fuck the Chinese hippy cults.
Fuck Martha Stewart.

Vanse was a good mouse
who died when I left her with
neighbors. Cheer up, Kim.

I miss Piper. The
sweetest rat who ever lived
died from loving me.

Pink nose, white whiskers,
that soft little tongue, licking
at my fingertips.

I loved the scaly
tail, the curly blue spot on
his forehead, pink toes.
<

Here''s my dilemma:
I''m sick of being alive;
I don''t want to die.

Hey, Angel, I''m a
philosophy minor, so
don''t insult the stuff.

don''t smoke the reefer!!
eat it instead, tastes better
doesn''t hurt the lungs

philosophy is
bullshit to make us feel grand
lacking intellect

birds sweetly singing
sound resounds through the morning
twelve birds, ten bullets

why this obsession
with massive fornication?
go save the world boy

insanity me
one good phrase in this pile
look for me insane

really, rugburn sucks
and lube gets on the carpet
more trouble than fun

When will that sweet young
man notice that I am real?
I need convincing.

gurgle gurgle snarf
razzle smack hummer dingdong
careful of rug burn

I wonder what it
must feel like, waking beside
someone who loves you.

hard-ass militant
girly-girl with a nice chest
which is really me?

i love my friend kim
like i love my fav''rite bear
i am not this nice

Angel the red haired
vixen twists in her chair as
we laugh together.

brown hair and strong arms
sweetest smile and big brown eyes
that i''ll never have

sentimental shit
gets me on my softer side
fuck relationships

I like hairy legs:
The soft feeling against my
sheets as I move them.

i''m not vindictive
i swear, it''s all good clean fun
death is not a sport

smiley emily
not any of the nice ones
she deserves to die

foreign girls are fun
and yes they do shave their legs
but i''m still hairy

Proud of my morals,
Virginity is a rare
and precious treasure.

sex! yes it is fun
but too much can be too much
just finish dammit!

If I could have one
wish, then Janet would have been
aborted, for sure.

comic book treaties
and fictional combat scenes
leech the intellect

breathe deep alcohol
smile, glance, enjoy your youth
your liver is toast

emily the bitch
stabbed us in our backs today
revenge comes sweetly

oop, I forgot that
the word "borrow" is always
polysyllabic.

dragonsnail''s not sane
dragonman''s not anyone''s-
angel''s not that pure

Angel is a slut
who likes to fuck at random.
Just ask Ryan B.

Pubic hair on his
soap, I ask if I can borrow...
shower fantasy.

weasels taste furry-
take out the hair taste
and inhale deeply

Oh clump of shit on
my front lawn, my feet slip down
into your soft warmth.

sex in the shower
should be avoided by all
it is quite sticky

I think I might be
a Mall Santa Clause this year.
Wouldn''t that be cool?!

Hops, barley, and yeast
Brewed to perfection for me
Feel like passing out

Garlic butter drips
From my quattro formaggi
Staining my trousers

Cross my palm with gold;
Silver is for losers, boy.
Now then. Pick a card..

Shiny black vinyl
Catches the light like a whore
Catches syphillis