philosophy is
bullshit to make us feel grand
lacking intellect

birds sweetly singing
sound resounds through the morning
twelve birds, ten bullets

why this obsession
with massive fornication?
go save the world boy

insanity me
one good phrase in this pile
look for me insane

really, rugburn sucks
and lube gets on the carpet
more trouble than fun

When will that sweet young
man notice that I am real?
I need convincing.

gurgle gurgle snarf
razzle smack hummer dingdong
careful of rug burn

I wonder what it
must feel like, waking beside
someone who loves you.

hard-ass militant
girly-girl with a nice chest
which is really me?

i love my friend kim
like i love my fav''rite bear
i am not this nice

Angel the red haired
vixen twists in her chair as
we laugh together.

brown hair and strong arms
sweetest smile and big brown eyes
that i''ll never have

sentimental shit
gets me on my softer side
fuck relationships

I like hairy legs:
The soft feeling against my
sheets as I move them.

i''m not vindictive
i swear, it''s all good clean fun
death is not a sport

smiley emily
not any of the nice ones
she deserves to die

foreign girls are fun
and yes they do shave their legs
but i''m still hairy

Proud of my morals,
Virginity is a rare
and precious treasure.

sex! yes it is fun
but too much can be too much
just finish dammit!

If I could have one
wish, then Janet would have been
aborted, for sure.

comic book treaties
and fictional combat scenes
leech the intellect

breathe deep alcohol
smile, glance, enjoy your youth
your liver is toast

emily the bitch
stabbed us in our backs today
revenge comes sweetly

oop, I forgot that
the word "borrow" is always
polysyllabic.

dragonsnail''s not sane
dragonman''s not anyone''s-
angel''s not that pure

Angel is a slut
who likes to fuck at random.
Just ask Ryan B.

Pubic hair on his
soap, I ask if I can borrow...
shower fantasy.

weasels taste furry-
take out the hair taste
and inhale deeply

Oh clump of shit on
my front lawn, my feet slip down
into your soft warmth.

sex in the shower
should be avoided by all
it is quite sticky

I think I might be
a Mall Santa Clause this year.
Wouldn''t that be cool?!

Hops, barley, and yeast
Brewed to perfection for me
Feel like passing out

Garlic butter drips
From my quattro formaggi
Staining my trousers

Cross my palm with gold;
Silver is for losers, boy.
Now then. Pick a card..

Shiny black vinyl
Catches the light like a whore
Catches syphillis

A bamboo bending
Is strangely reminiscent
Of your underpants

Look hard enough and
You can see spaces between
The little spaces

Why does the fresh mouth
Of a brand new girl taste like
Potato crocquettes?

Kenneth Extension
writes some really wonderful
poetry, I think.

I live in Humboldt.
My armpit hair is in braids.
I have sex with trees.
I changed my lifestyle
because I thought that I should
obey Thunder Stork.

If I had a knife,
I would thrust it into my
chest and kill myself.

If I could capture
you as my personal slave,
I wouldn''t want to.

I want to hunt you
and keep you running away
until you can''t breathe.

When will you love me?
"When Hell has frozen over."
Shall I sell my soul?

I hope people don''t
take me too seriously
when I threaten them.

I''m really too shy
to murder anybody.
I just want respect.

Fear me properly,
and there will be no reason
for me to kill you.

Autumnal showers
Soak the earth on which I walk
In my green wellies

as your lips go blue
your brain says wa wa wa wa
nitrousphyxia

wafting on a breeze
big balsa dandelion
going up and up

--TWO DOG-DOO HAIKU--

The still morning air
Dawn''s light cast upon the mounds
Exudes quinessence

The midnight doo-drop
Dog loaf pinched as the world slept
Avowed by a waft---

Wrath, avarice, sloth,
pride, lust, envy, gluttony...
What time shall we start?