smiley emily
not any of the nice ones
she deserves to die

foreign girls are fun
and yes they do shave their legs
but i''m still hairy

Proud of my morals,
Virginity is a rare
and precious treasure.

sex! yes it is fun
but too much can be too much
just finish dammit!

If I could have one
wish, then Janet would have been
aborted, for sure.

comic book treaties
and fictional combat scenes
leech the intellect

breathe deep alcohol
smile, glance, enjoy your youth
your liver is toast

emily the bitch
stabbed us in our backs today
revenge comes sweetly

oop, I forgot that
the word "borrow" is always
polysyllabic.

dragonsnail''s not sane
dragonman''s not anyone''s-
angel''s not that pure

Angel is a slut
who likes to fuck at random.
Just ask Ryan B.

Pubic hair on his
soap, I ask if I can borrow...
shower fantasy.

weasels taste furry-
take out the hair taste
and inhale deeply

Oh clump of shit on
my front lawn, my feet slip down
into your soft warmth.

sex in the shower
should be avoided by all
it is quite sticky

I think I might be
a Mall Santa Clause this year.
Wouldn''t that be cool?!

Hops, barley, and yeast
Brewed to perfection for me
Feel like passing out

Garlic butter drips
From my quattro formaggi
Staining my trousers

Cross my palm with gold;
Silver is for losers, boy.
Now then. Pick a card..

Shiny black vinyl
Catches the light like a whore
Catches syphillis

A bamboo bending
Is strangely reminiscent
Of your underpants

Look hard enough and
You can see spaces between
The little spaces

Why does the fresh mouth
Of a brand new girl taste like
Potato crocquettes?

Kenneth Extension
writes some really wonderful
poetry, I think.

I live in Humboldt.
My armpit hair is in braids.
I have sex with trees.
I changed my lifestyle
because I thought that I should
obey Thunder Stork.

If I had a knife,
I would thrust it into my
chest and kill myself.

If I could capture
you as my personal slave,
I wouldn''t want to.

I want to hunt you
and keep you running away
until you can''t breathe.

When will you love me?
"When Hell has frozen over."
Shall I sell my soul?

I hope people don''t
take me too seriously
when I threaten them.

I''m really too shy
to murder anybody.
I just want respect.

Fear me properly,
and there will be no reason
for me to kill you.

Autumnal showers
Soak the earth on which I walk
In my green wellies

as your lips go blue
your brain says wa wa wa wa
nitrousphyxia

wafting on a breeze
big balsa dandelion
going up and up

--TWO DOG-DOO HAIKU--

The still morning air
Dawn''s light cast upon the mounds
Exudes quinessence

The midnight doo-drop
Dog loaf pinched as the world slept
Avowed by a waft---

Wrath, avarice, sloth,
pride, lust, envy, gluttony...
What time shall we start?

Instructions for Becoming a Solopsist:

Deny existence,
claiming truth applies only
To what you can prove.

I wish I could sleep.
I feel like sleeping, but I
can''t make my eyes close.

Why is suicide
illegal when it''s not a
choice, but an illness?

Wanted: single male,
a virgin, and an artist,
no drugs, no violence.

Some day I''ll go nuts,
and I''ll start shooting people
from a tall building.

class at 8 am,
(every other word is "Umm...")
humming me to sleep.

This is like a dream......
Usually it''s a good one.
Sometimes it gets fucked.

Like I said before,
"A-G come and blow me up
with a naughty smile."

You can''t say "Watch OUT!"
Threats online are for pussies!
My back is covered.

It''s about the trip,
so sit back and hear me out.
What''s up with the Rage?

YO Sticky Panties!
Don''t get yourself in a wad.
Relax......take it in!

In my orgo lab
I caused a big accident:
Erlenmeyer flask

I used to write stuff
it was good, like Robert Smith
Now: only haiku

when you have angered
stickypants and atomic,
you best watch your back

She kicked many a boy
Then I drew pictures of darts
going into them