If you are gonna
burn smoke in your lungs you might
as well smoke a joint

again and again
you can read those lines and then
shake your head at ken

boogers and bandaids
chlorine struggling to defeat
faecal coliforms

never be sorry
for cocaine cuz it''s so pure
NOW i look pretty

scalloped, baked, french fried
potato career choices
hash browns, tater tots

hi! my name is Ken
i no longer bug my friends
because I have none

you''re flattering me?
you masturbate to my bod?
wet. open. alone.

i wait for your call
with my ass on the shower
stream. come in to me.

for you cannot steal
my memory then jack off.
We can do better

complete the cycle
fantasize. and then. you fuck
i insist we fuck

Damn......I guess I want
to really know the answer
to that last question!

i sniff the future
predictable allergens
like nostril dharma

Do you think they eat
Chicken meat, or do they eat
Turkey in Turkey?

Do you think they eat
Chicken meat, or do they eat
Turkey in Turkey?

Living in the Fort
reminds me of those good times
when you licked my toes

She pissed me off but
got lucky for now because
omelette this one slide

my mother saw me
kill a cow with a hammer
lousy angel dust!

Your thighs are just like
The hump on a humpback whale
But a bit fatter

Grease those electrodes
And stick them to my temples
Those babies tingle

If I reached over
To kiss those cherubic lips
Would you use your tongue?

Like a regal swan
I can snap a man''s femur
With my orange feet

Ah distant planet
Spinning idly beyond reach
Like a ceiling fan

sea birds flew backwards
until i saw them clearly
flying leaves on wind

That that, evil one!
And that! And that! And that! Ha.
Yes, that`ll learn yer.

what hurts uranus ?
afflicted by asteroids
hanging out in space

This woman I know
- We`ll call her Lily Savage.
I think she`s a man...

Objectives achieved
Fill one with joy for two hours,
Approximately.

Let me just say this.....
Bite me if you think it''s vile!
Don''t bite too hard please.

Man.....we need some life!
Let''s stir some things up ''round here.
How ''bout a fist fight?!

The woman next door
Wears a pearl necklace made of
Milk teeth of children.

Four fat metal strings
Oscillate in a way that`s
Pythagorean

This pessimism
Is as thinly veiled as a
Nude bride in Vegas

Oh yes, that is weird.
Some would say almost *too* weird.
But not me, of course.

This guy came at me
waving a nine inch dildo.
Isn''t that so weird?

It`s about this time
When you have to give in and
Put the heating on

It`s got furry ears
And it keeps in body warmth.
Guess what it is yet?

It''s my suspicion
That when this starts to make sense
It`ll be too late

Don`t think I don`t know
You`re checking out my format.
Cue corrective verse...

Don`t you think it`s queer
How people get so worked up
About this little site.

I stepped on the toe
Of the shadowy man at
The end of the world

The days are shrinking
Like a man''s tumescent chap
Plunged in cold water

Don''t you see my friend?
This is the Bad Haiku site
Not the Lovely one.

too many haikus
two per week should be limit
to stop flow of shit

People better learn
How to write fucking haikus
Or don''t submit stuff

Him: "I don`t get your
Emotional heiroglyphs."
Heiroglyphs??? Twat!

Robert DeNiro
Wasn`t in `The Deerstalker`.
Bloody film students.

Twenty weeks in Greece?
Why''s he so pale? I`ll tell you:
Archeology.

Punks Gettin Froggy
I regale them with ardor
Drink up their forties

Orthodox haiku
Will never accommodate
Antidisestab-