She pissed me off but
got lucky for now because
omelette this one slide

my mother saw me
kill a cow with a hammer
lousy angel dust!

Your thighs are just like
The hump on a humpback whale
But a bit fatter

Grease those electrodes
And stick them to my temples
Those babies tingle

If I reached over
To kiss those cherubic lips
Would you use your tongue?

Like a regal swan
I can snap a man''s femur
With my orange feet

Ah distant planet
Spinning idly beyond reach
Like a ceiling fan

sea birds flew backwards
until i saw them clearly
flying leaves on wind

That that, evil one!
And that! And that! And that! Ha.
Yes, that`ll learn yer.

what hurts uranus ?
afflicted by asteroids
hanging out in space

This woman I know
- We`ll call her Lily Savage.
I think she`s a man...

Objectives achieved
Fill one with joy for two hours,
Approximately.

Let me just say this.....
Bite me if you think it''s vile!
Don''t bite too hard please.

Man.....we need some life!
Let''s stir some things up ''round here.
How ''bout a fist fight?!

The woman next door
Wears a pearl necklace made of
Milk teeth of children.

Four fat metal strings
Oscillate in a way that`s
Pythagorean

This pessimism
Is as thinly veiled as a
Nude bride in Vegas

Oh yes, that is weird.
Some would say almost *too* weird.
But not me, of course.

This guy came at me
waving a nine inch dildo.
Isn''t that so weird?

It`s about this time
When you have to give in and
Put the heating on

It`s got furry ears
And it keeps in body warmth.
Guess what it is yet?

It''s my suspicion
That when this starts to make sense
It`ll be too late

Don`t think I don`t know
You`re checking out my format.
Cue corrective verse...

Don`t you think it`s queer
How people get so worked up
About this little site.

I stepped on the toe
Of the shadowy man at
The end of the world

The days are shrinking
Like a man''s tumescent chap
Plunged in cold water

Don''t you see my friend?
This is the Bad Haiku site
Not the Lovely one.

too many haikus
two per week should be limit
to stop flow of shit

People better learn
How to write fucking haikus
Or don''t submit stuff

Him: "I don`t get your
Emotional heiroglyphs."
Heiroglyphs??? Twat!

Robert DeNiro
Wasn`t in `The Deerstalker`.
Bloody film students.

Twenty weeks in Greece?
Why''s he so pale? I`ll tell you:
Archeology.

Punks Gettin Froggy
I regale them with ardor
Drink up their forties

Orthodox haiku
Will never accommodate
Antidisestab-

In an ideal world
I would slump around all day
Wrapped in a duvet

tropical storm front
impressive special effects
ozone in the nostrils

Meaningful haiku
Tends to be greatly improved
By the word `minge`.

People left behind
Are more fondly remembered
When kept in the past.

The skyline I see
Has it''s moments with the sun
It''s way too nice here

She shouted at me,
and warned me that I should pray.
Her face spoke the truth.

Did you ever think
that you would grow up and see
things in this way

Again, I said, "you don''t take me seriously.
You said, "you''re kidding."

I said, "you don''t understand me."
You said, "You''re kidding!"

First goose
Last fly
Autumn

Long-haired dude from France
You stole my lovely girlfriend
I kill your poodle

Squick, squick, squick, squick, squick
Trephination really rules
Now I make haiku.

in the sand my ilk
My gall upone the shoreline
warming to a boil

gummy slumtrop gil
flie flimtrop thilth ghuyilthsom
like the pounding surf

That means I''m back, Folks!
I would like to live with you
If it comes to that!