This is my birthday
I'm not really wearing green
Just so you pinch ass

My forearms are huge
I've been working my Weider
Penis starts to squeeze

let's sound out a word
these damn people have it wrong
that child porn is junk

Hey Count, bring them here
I live in a fucking can
Three Kids, Ah, Ah, Yeah.

Brought to you by "F"
And Sesame Underground
Two kids, Ah, Ah, Ah.

i love to count kids
One little kid, Ah, Ah, Ah
Notches in my cape.

One, two, three, four, five...
Oscar, Big Bird, and Ernie
We love the Count most.

Snuffy's trunk's scary
Want to see Oscar's circus
Love those little kids

Loved you from afar
My trunk is hairy and long
Big Bird, wow-wow-wow

Rubber ducky, wow!
You're the one, double wow wow!!
Snuffleuppagus!?!

eyebrows are sexy...
why don't you notice me, huh?
wish I was ducky.

studying god's word
going to be a rabbi
sex change optional

i flipped off a priest,
cussed out the preacher's daughter,
and slept with her too.

mom and dad in bed,
what could be that moaning sound?
teddy has hole too.

eyeing turkey hen.
she looks a little scraggly,
god those toms are huge!!

magnatized butt plug,
my polarized ass compass
swings me to the north.

It's provocation
Ash. They are at their wit's end.
Most out of their wits.

anonymous man,
farting in my face at night.
hungry for egg rolls.

shut up kids, and dog!
cats cumin' thru hole in floor.
i love my dad lots.

A horse's penis?
Those things are so fucking big!
They get back problems?

Will mood rings come back?
I loved those fucking things, man!
Bring those mood rings back!!!

Shotguns, shotguns bang
The irish boy hits the floor
No more Tequila

Gazing in the stall
I see someone who's not me
Damn ladies washrooms

Work can suck my balls
Boss is on my back all day
I need a shotgun

some are amusing
electronic grafitti
some are just spillage

six new screens a day
can't you send e-mail instead ?
bad bulletin board

start your own website
considering locations
call it "grunge haiku"

taking that further
you deserve your own spinoff
to wit: "worse haiku"

make it more funny
make it more thought provoking
make it go away

indiscriminate
what they lack in quality
made up by volume

I am the Bull God
Respect my Authority
Where are you going?

It is Saint Pat's Day
Really think I should be drunk
Driving friends sucks

those airborne herpes
enlisted in the army
to shoot at you dicks

Pus isn't that bad
You just have to close your eyes
Tastes good on a Ritz

Pink silver dollar
Jesus Christ they are bigger
Than my dinner plates!

sexy movies on...
lovin and kinky clothes, my
chaps stick and chapstick

I had a cup cake
It was green with white frosting
Fuck St. Patrick's Day

Comin' down the stretch!
but not the way you're thinkin'---
They're horse whores, humpin!

Pancakes are real good
My sister likes hers with snot
She is adopted

it aint no fable,
Father goose needs lovin too
Come here mother goose....

If you braid it right
It's like Play Dough Factory
When I take a shit!

When I'm standing up,
ants like to repel down me
using navel lint

Rock, Paper, Scissors
Fuck you! Damn it all to hell
Why did I pick Rock

Blah blah blah blah blah
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
Blah blah blah fuck you

Walmart is real big.
I went in there one time and
got lost in housewares

Man I need a drink
Because it is St. Pat's Day
And my name is Pat

campy railer bitch
would have nailed him, too, had I
not just exploded

I got a gold chain
My Mr. T Starter Kit
Santa must like me

Silly gibbled turkey
Timmy loved you like a friend
He called you "Gobbles!!!"

Crud between my toes.
Lick it? no. Spread it on bread
with peanut butter!!

Give me the salt please
I need to kill this bastard
Snails are good to eat